


Awkward Sun

by henriqua



Series: Light of My Life [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Boys Kissing, Eventual Sex, Getting Together, M/M, pure fluff mostly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-10
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-08-30 04:18:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 51,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8518210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/henriqua/pseuds/henriqua
Summary: ”Um, hi? You don't know me and I don't know you but you were in the laundry room earlier today and I'm pretty sure I pissed you off by talking on the phone and being loud and I accidentally made too many cupcakes for my friend's boyfriend's team's– well that's not important, anyway, here, I'm sorry if I annoyed you earlier.”Or A story about washing machines, baking, Facebook stalking, loud best friends, feelings you weren't supposed to feel and how to be the sun when you're used to being the moon.





	1. Sun is shining (and so are you)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello you lovely bunch, I'm back with a work I half-jokingly, half-seriously call 'my baby'. I've spent the last 8 months planning & writing this and I'm so happy, excited and nervous to finally let you read it. I could say 100% of the story is planned, 60% of it is written down and if there's readers for this, I will try to update regularly.
> 
> (It definitely wasn't planned, but I'm so happy I managed to post this first chapter on Yamaguchi's bday. Happy birthday to the sunshine of my life!)
> 
> I really hope you enjoy reading!
> 
> Story title is from SKE48's 'Bukiyou Taiyou', chapter title is from Axwell Λ Ingrosso's 'Sun Is Shining'.

Tsukishima Kei was one of those people who got annoyed easily. He got annoyed when someone kept clicking the end of their pen during a lecture, when it was raining and his glasses got covered in droplets, when he had to stand in a train during the peak hours and people kept bumping on him, when his brother called just to ask had he found a girlfriend yet, when the wire of his headphones got tangled... the list was pretty much endless, and on that sunny Thursday morning Tsukishima was annoyed by the fact that his small apartment couldn't fit a washing machine.

Tsukishima was lucky he had a part-time job which meant he could rent a proper apartment only for himself instead of living in the dorms, sharing a room with someone he definitely wouldn't get along with. His apartment was small and the building was located near busy train stations, meaning it was never really quiet with the residents coming and going all the time. On the other hand he didn't have to share his bathroom with anyone and the chances of finding someone passed out in the hallway after a wild night out were minimal.

But, in the end, the biggest downside was definitely the lack of a washing machine.

In theory he did have a washing machine – multiple of them, even. In the basement of the apartment building. In a shared laundry room where you had to book a time for yourself by writing your name in a huge notebook. And since the building was big and the apartments were small, all of the three washing machines were usually reserved weeks in advance. Want to do your laundry in the evening or during the weekend? So does everybody else, so better know beforehand the exact moment you run out of clean clothes. On top of that you absolutely had to be in the room on the second the machine was ready with the washing or the person next in the booking list would unceremoniously get your freshly washed clothes out of the machine and pile them on the dirty floor to get their laundry in.  
  
Tsukishima thanked the heavens he happened to have a day off on that Thursday. He had consciously avoided the laundry room for weeks for two reasons: firstly, when he had the time to come and book himself one of the machines it was already quite late which meant there was a high chance of running into someone he definitely did'nt want to run into, and secondly, the whole laundry situation he was in annoyed him. It annoyed him a lot. So when there was only a few reservations made on that Thursday (one for 10am and three after 4pm) Tsukishima had taken his chance and made a booking for 9am.

And there he was. The machine in front of him was slightly shaking, telling him it would be done with the program in ten minutes. Tsukishima was sitting on a long bench situated in the middle of the room, reading a thick book. He had a couple of big exams coming up and since getting up to his apartment just to get down in the basement again after some time seemed too big of a hassle, he had decided to study in the laundry room while the washing machine did its magic. The noise of the machine wasn't that loud and in the end Tsukishima was too into reading to even get distracted.  
  
A sound of door opening broke Tsukishima's deep concentration and he glanced up from his book. A boy with headphones on walked past him and set a huge basket full of clothes on the other end of the bench. Tsukishima came to the conclusion that this boy was the one with the 10am reservation and checked how long until his machine would be ready. Five minutes.

He moved his eyes back to the book, forcing himself to read a couple more lines. The boy had measured some detergent in the machine and a faint smell of lavender filled the room. The machine in front of Tsukishima was saying two minutes and he realised he had read the same line at least five times without understanding a single word. The boy was now in the middle of finding the correct washing programme, the machine giving a loud beep every time he pressed the buttons.  
  
Tsukishima sighed in annoyance, closed his book and stood up. He got his own basket from the floor, placed it on the bench and somehow found himself glancing at the boy again. His brown, messy hair was long enough to slightly touch his shoulders, he was wearing a silver ring on his right index finger and he was smiling.  
  
To Tsukishima.  
  
It took a couple of seconds from the blond to realize he had been caught staring and the washing machine's loud beeping telling him it was safe to open the door couldn't have been timed more perfectly. Tsukishima hurried to the machine and somehow managed to hide his embarrassed face from the other boy. He quickly threw his damp clothes in the basket on the bench, slammed the machine's door shut and hurried out of the room before he could somehow make even a bigger fool out of himself.

When he closed the laundry room's door, Tsukishima could have sworn the other boy was silently humming along the song that was playing in his headphones.  
  
-~-

_Tsukishima Kei was never late – except on his first day of universty. When he finally found the auditorium the new students of the science department were supposed to gather in there were barely any vacant seats where he wouldn't be surrounded by people he didn't know (and wasn't really planning on knowing). Luckily, at the end of row 11 there was an empty seat meaning that at least no one would be sitting on his left side. Tsukishima sat down, took a deep breath and, following the example of people around him, got out a pen and a notebook._

_The auditorium was filled with nervous babble that slowly grew louder and louder as more students found seats and someone to talk to. Tsukishima scribbled his name on the corner of his notebook and fiddled with his pen, trying his best to ignore the uneasy feeling of nervousness burning his insides._  
  
_”So... science, huh?” Tsukishima got snapped right out of his bubble when the guy next to him tried to start a conversation. He moved his eyes from the notebook in front of him and met two curious gazes._  
  
_”Physics,” he said and put the pen on the table. From the corner of his eye he saw how the two boys shared a look and leaned a little closer._  
  
_”So... Tsukishima.” The guy right next to him squinted his eyes so he could make something out of Tsukishima's small handwriting and absent-mindedly ran his hand through the black mess on his head. ”Hotaru?”_  
  
_”Ooh, like in that song!_ This is the secret place in town where the fireflies' glow is the prettiest... _,” the boy next to the black haired guy sang._  
  
_”The reading's Kei,” Tsukishima sighed, his nervousness being slowly replaced by annoyance. It wasn't the first time he was having this kind of conversation regarding his name._  
  
_”Huh?”_  
  
_”Kei. My name's Kei. But Tsukishima is just fine,” the blond said, trying his best to keep his tone friendly. He wasn't very good at socializing or making new friends and most of the time people were too intimidated to start a conversation with him anyway. A small silence fell between the three of them, broken by the singing boy after a couple of seconds._  
  
_”Maaaan! Why can't every kanji have just one reading?” The boy's hair was even wilder than the one's sitting right next to Tsukishima, dyed in two colors and styled to peak in different directions. The black haired guy laughed to the irritated face the other boy was pulling, turned back to Tsukishima and offered his hand._  
  
_”Kuroo Tetsurou. Nice to meet you, Tsukishima.”_  
  
Since that day Kuroo Tetsurou and Bokuto Koutarou had been a big part of Tsukishima's daily life, wanted he it or not. On most days it was more like a curse than a blessing – the duo tended to get stupid ideas, they were the masters of procrastination when it came to doing assignments or other school related things and they were loud. But Tsukishima just couldn't find himself hating them or being constantly annoyed by them, in the end they had came to him and managed to befriend him even though he had been the unfriendliest person in the auditorium that day. To Tsukishima, who had always had slight problems with making and keeping friendships, that meant a lot. Even though they were all majoring in different subjects they studied a lot with each other, shared some lectures and had lunch together almost every day.

The campus had many places to have lunch in and somehow, to Tsukishima's annoyance, the three of them always found themselves in the noisiest cafeteria with their lunches. The spacious room was filled with long tables and students with too dark circles under their eyes. The atmosphere definitely wasn't fitting for a peaceful hour between lectures but still the three of them had been having their lunches there for over a year now.

”I heard someone lost it already,” Kuroo announced. Bokuto's head snapped up from the book he had balanced on top of the table, his brows raised.  
  
”The semester started like, a month ago?”

”Apparently a medical student,” Kuroo said, resting his chin on his hand, ”so I'm not sure if it counts.”

No one really knew why the hottest topic among the students was who would lose the battle against stress first. It was like a campus-wide game no one wanted to lose, and when someone finally did lose somehow everybody knew about it within an hour. Nothing traveled faster through the campus than news like that and Tsukishima thought it was stupid.  
  
”I'm not surprised. Akaashi probably hasn't slept in two weeks or something, he's up studying when I go to bed and he's already out of the house when I wake up. Give it a month and he'll snap, let me tell you,” Bokuto said. He rolled his eyes but his tone was more worried than amused.  
  
”Have you talked about it with him?”  
  
”Of course I have! He just says he can sleep when he graduates which is bullshit because we all know that doctors work long hours,” Bokuto huffed, his eyes once again scanning the book before him.

Akaashi was Bokuto's childhood friend, an extremely smart medical student who Bokuto shared an apartment with. They seemed to be the exact opposites but actually they more than anything completed each other, being the missing piece to the other's puzzle.  
  
”Akaashi's not stupid though. He'll be fine,” Tsukishima butted in the conversation, already putting his things away in his bag.  
  
”Yeah right, I'll try to tell myself that when I'm forced to tie him in his bed so he actually gets some sleep.”  
  
”Oh, but wouldn't that be something you'd love to do?” Kuroo smirked and managed to escape just in time from the book Bokuto sent flying towards him.

-~-

Tsukishima Kei was annoyed that he once again let his two best friends fool him into thinking it would be an amazing idea to have a movie night with a couple of drinks at his place. True, his apartment was the only place they could throw these kind of movie nights at because Akaashi was still neck-deep in projects and exams and Kuroo lived in the dorms with seven other people.

But sitting in the laundry room on a Sunday morning waiting for the washing machine to wash bed sheets and multiple pieces of clothing soaked in alcohol made Tsukishima reconsider his choice in friends.

Tsukishima's silent planning on revenge was interrupted by someone coming to the laundry room. It took a moment from the blond to identify the intruder to be the same boy who had smiled to him the last time he had been down there in the laundry room: his brown hair was now on a small ponytail revealing multiple piercings on his left ear. His right ear was covered by a phone the boy was barely holding up while carrying a basket of laundry and trying to get the door shut.  
  
”-but Shouyou, I can't even turn around in my apartment without knocking into boxes of your stuff. Listen, I'm currently in the laundry room washing _your_ clothes,” the boy sighed in the phone and placed his basket on the bench.

Tsukishima saw from the corner of his eye how the boy glanced at him but the blond tried to keep his face expressionless. His machine would be ready in three minutes and this time Tsukishima didn't plan on making a fool out of himself. The sudden appearance of the other boy was making him unpleasantly nervous and he couldn't really tell _why_.

”No, no, what I'm saying is that you should maybe go and kick Kageyama's lazy ass because I'm getting impatient,” the boy said while throwing clothes inside the machine, his brows furrowed. Tsukishima could hear someone talking animatedly on the other end of the line but he couldn't make out any words. One more minute and he could make his grand escape back to his apartment.  
  
”Shouyou, don't apologize. I'm just a bit worried, that's all.” The boy's tone had changed from sharp to soft and calm, tinted with concern. He was leaning against the white washing machine, his back to Tsukishima and the blond thanked every possible God the machine washing his laundry finished its job on that exact moment. He quickly unloaded the bed sheets and clothes – now smelling like detergent instead of alcohol – in his laundry basket and exited the room fast before the other boy would turn around.  
  
-~-

Tsukishima had hung his freshly washed laundry up in his bedroom to dry, he had managed to clean up his whole apartment from the mess he and his friends had caused the night before and he was _exhausted_. He had tons of homework to do and his books were staring at him from the kitchen table. The blond took a deep breath and was ready to start studying when the doorbell rang.  
  
Tsukishima glanced at the clock and frowned. It was Sunday and he definitely wasn't waiting for anyone. Sure, Kuroo and Bokuto often invited themselves over but neither of them had been feeling too well just a couple of hours ago, so Tsukishima doubted the person behind his door would be someone he knew. For a moment Tsukishima hesitated but when the doorbell rang again he let out a sigh, marched to the door and opened it.

Behind the door was standing the boy from the laundry room. He looked nervous, holding a plain white box on his hands and they were standing so close to each other Tsukishima could see the small freckles dusted across the boy's face.  
  
”Um, hi? You don't know me and I don't know you but you were in the laundry room earlier today and I'm pretty sure I pissed you off by talking on the phone and being loud and I accidentally made too many cupcakes for my friend's boyfriend's team's–, well that's not important, anyway, here, I'm sorry if I annoyed you earlier,” the boy rambled, gave a shy smile to Tsukishima and handed the box to him. The blond was too confused by the boy on his doorstep to even understand half of what he was saying and he accepted the box without a hesitation.  
  
”How did you know where I live?”  
  
”Oh! Well, you're supposed to write your name on the notebook in the laundry room, right? When you want to use it, I mean. So I checked the notebook for your name and all the residents' names and their apartment numbers are listed downstairs and I sound like a stalker right now but I can promise you I don't have any bad intentions,” the boy said, a blush making its way on his cheeks. He scratched the back of his head embarrassed, trying his best to keep smiling. Tsukishima blinked a couple of times, trying to take everything in. The box in his hand was slowly turning heavy and the blond couldn't help but wonder how many accidental cupcakes can one even make.  
  
”You didn't really piss me off but... thank you anyway,” he managed to get out of his mouth, earning another smile from the boy in front of him. Tsukishima found it hard to look at his eyes and his gaze was wandering from the boy's pierced ears to the overgrown bangs and the black T-shirt with an American rock band's logo on it.  
  
”No problem! Well then, I'm glad if I didn't annoy you,” the boy said, already turning away to go back to his own apartment. He seemed cheerful but cautious, a look people usually wore on their faces around Tsukishima.  
  
”My name's Kei. Tsukishima Kei,” the blond said quickly, not sure if the other had even heard him. A happy smile erased every trace of uneasiness from the boy's face as he turned to face the blond again.  
  
”I'm Yamaguchi Tadashi! It's nice to meet you. I'll see you around, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Bokuto is singing is [this one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_iaDluVRyw)! Also I guess everyone already knows that the most common reading for the kanji for Tsukishima's given name, " 蛍 " is hotaru.
> 
>  
> 
> [tumblr](http://sleepyams.tumblr.com/)


	2. I wonder if something will start for us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First I'd like to thank every single person who've left kudos or commented or subscribed. Means so much to me!
> 
> Secondly, I've been thinking I'll try to update every Thursday from now on. Uni is hell and I'm really busy but I try to stay in schedule!
> 
> (also, happy bday Kuroo!!)
> 
> I hope you enjoy! c: Chapter title is from SKE48's 'Bukiyou Taiyou', translation taken from [here](http://www.stage48.net/studio48/lyricsindex.html/).

”So... a neighbor knocked on your door, gave you cupcakes and walked away?”  
  
”No. He thought he had pissed me off in the laundry room so he gave them as an apology.”  
  
”Poor guy thought you were going to murder him when you were probably just spacing out,” Kuroo snickered and took a bite of the cupcake he was holding in his hand. Tsukishima rolled his eyes, not needing a reminder of his neutral expression Kuroo jokingly called 'the constant frown'.  
  
To Kuroo, Bokuto and Tsukishima Mondays were studying nights. Every Monday after lectures the three of them crashed at someone's place (usually Tsukishima's, for some reason), took their unfinished homework and projects out and actually studied. The nights also involved terrible cooking, whining about everything and everyone and so much laughter they usually found themselves crying. Sometimes Akaashi joined them but most of the Mondays it was just the three of them.  
  
Except on that Monday, it was just Kuroo and Tsukishima. After losing himself in school work for almost three weeks Akaashi had finally decided to take a break and Bokuto had chosen to spend some 'best friends' quality time' with him instead of studying with them. Kuroo said Bokuto was just trying to flee from homework, Tsukishima was actually happy there was someone looking after Akaashi. The medical student had looked dead-tired the last time the blond saw him.  
  
”Well anyway, I'm not complaining. These are amazing,” Kuroo stated, finishing another cupcake and reaching for a next one. Tsukishima got to agree: the cakes didn't only look good with their light pink frosting and half a strawberry on top, but also tasted delicious. There had been eight identical cupcakes pretty enough to be sold in an actual bakery in the box Tsukishima had received the night before and they had already destroyed six.  
  
Tsukishima hummed as an answer, twirling a pencil between his fingers. He glanced at the white box on the table and tried to take in the pure absurdity of the situation. A guy he didn't even know had made something for him, light pink cupcakes to be precise. Maybe he wasn't lying and had actually made too many by accident but he had thought of giving the extra ones, out of all people, to Tsukishima. And he had taken the time to pack them nicely in a box and everything. They had never changed a word but this guy had gone through the hassle to find out Tsukishima's name and his apartment number just to apologize for something he hadn't even done.  
  
Yamaguchi Tadashi was giving Tsukishima a huge headache and he wasn't even in the same room.  
  
”You have to thank him for me, man,” Kuroo said, getting up to wash melted frosting off his hands. Tsukishima's head snapped up from his books and he could feel his heart skipping a beat – he hadn't even thought of it but now that Kuroo had said it out loud it was obvious: he had to go and return the box, it would be rude not to. And he didn't think he had even thanked the Yamaguchi guy properly, had he? That would be a nice thing to do. That's what people did when they received gifts, right? Even though Tsukishima wasn't sure were the baked goods a gift or what.  
  
”Yeah, sure,” the blond managed to get out, trying his best to get back to his homework. Kuroo had already spread three different books on the table, flipping frantically through one of them. For the first time in a long time Tsukishima was glad there was someone to keep his focus on studying.  
  
-~-  
  
If possible, the cafeteria was louder than usually. Finding a free table had been an impossible task and now there was a group of students buzzing from too much caffeine sitting on the other end of the long table. Bokuto had already balanced an open book on top of the table, his eyes scanning the pages as he ate.  
  
”You know, you wouldn't have to study now if you had been with us yesterday,” Kuroo teased, knowing very well that Bokuto always used his lunch break to go through his notes or some material he hadn't mastered yet.  
  
”And give up the chance to watch movies all night long? No way in hell,” Bokuto said with a smirk, turning a page.  
  
”Your loss. We had an actual feast with pink cupcakes and everything. Look!” Kuroo handed his phone to Bokuto, showing him a picture of the infamous cakes he had taken before inhaling half of them in one go. Bokuto frowned, his gaze flickering between his two friends.  
  
”I didn't know you can bake,” he finally said, his eyes on Tsukishima. The blond shook his head in terror, ready to confirm that he actually was a disaster in kitchen and hadn't been lying all these years.  
  
”Apparently they were a gift from this laundry boy,” Kuroo said, putting his phone away and getting back to his lunch.  
  
”Laundry boy?” The look on Bokuto's face was both amused and interested at the same time.  
  
”Some guy Tsukishima's having a thing with, lives in the same building,” Kuroo explained, making Bokuto's eyebrows shoot up.  
  
”I'm not having _a thing_ with anyone. We've talked once,” Tsukishima corrected quickly, clear annoyance in his voice.  
  
”You've talked once and he's already baking for you? Man, you'll probably get married before graduation,” Bokuto said with a teasing glint in his eyes. Tsukishima gave him his deadliest glare which only made the smirk on Bokuto's face grow wider.  
  
”Poor laundry boy, falling for someone like you when I'm still single,” Kuroo laughed, running his hand through his hair and winking. Bokuto faked a swoon while Tsukishima wanted to scream out of frustration and embarrassment.  
  
”He isn't _falling_ for me. He was just being nice,” the blond said, shutting the other two up.  
  
A silence fell between the trio while they continued to finish their lunches, playful smiles dancing on Bokuto and Kuroo's lips. The caffeinated student group had already left and Bokuto had put his book away when he decided to break the silence.  
  
”Is he cute?”  
  
This time, Tsukishima actually groaned.  
  
-~-  
  
The whole building seemed to be empty and that somehow reassured Tsukishima – he had been standing in the corridor long enough for it to be considered weird. The door in front of him felt huge and a part of Tsukishima wished that if he somehow gathered enough courage to knock, Yamaguchi wouldn't be home. The box felt heavy in his hands even though it was empty and a surprising amount of Tsukishima's energy was wasted on keeping his breathing steady.  
  
The worst part was that Tsukishima knew he was being ridiculous. He even had a plan: knock, thank, give the box and flee. If everything went according to his plan he wouldn't even have to look the other boy in the eye or try to keep up some embarrassing small talk. He went through his plan a couple of times in his head, nodded even though there was no one to see him and knocked on the door.  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
Tsukishima wanted to leave and come back later but he definitely wasn't going to give up now. The extra work he had had to go through to walk downstairs to find out Yamaguchi's apartment number and then climb up the stairs to the fourth floor was still haunting him. He took a deep breath and raised his hand to knock again when he heard something from the other side of the door.  
  
”Coming, coming,” a voice said, and Tsukishima heard someone opening the lock from the inside, ”I thought you said you'd take at least two hours, it's been ten minutes and– you're not Shouyou.” The door had flung open, revealing a very confused Yamaguchi wearing a T-shirt featuring another American band Tsukishima had never heard of, his hair on a tiny ponytail in the nape of his neck.  
  
”No, I'm not,” Tsukishima deadpanned, his amazing plan already ruined.  
  
”Ah, shit, sorry, I didn't mean to be rude! It's nice to see you, I mean–,” Yamaguchi's speech was rudely cut off by a timer, beeping loudly from the depths of his apartment. He glanced quickly behind his shoulder, a panicked look on his face.  
  
”I can come back later if I'm interrupting something,” Tsukishima said, already turning to leave.  
  
”No, no, no! It's fine, this will take like two minutes or something. Uh... come inside?” Yamaguchi suggested, opening the door wider to let the blond in. Tsukishima had at least thousand reasons not to go in but the timer's beeps were getting on his nerves and he had decided to finish his quest of returning the box.  
  
The second Tsukishima stepped over the doorstep Yamaguchi literally ran away, leaving the door for the other boy to close. By the time Tsukishima had gotten the door shut the constant beeps of the timer had stopped and a delicious smell filled the apartment. Tsukishima battled between waiting by the door and actually going inside, and after a couple of seconds he took off his shoes.  
  
Yamaguchi's apartment was really similar to Tsukishima's when it came to the size and floor plan: on his right there were doors to the bedroom and bathroom while the combination of kitchen and living room area was on his left. However, the similarities between their apartments ended there. At least twenty huge cardboard boxes littered the floor, some of them stacked on piles of three or four, making the apartment seem smaller and messier than it actually was. The shelves on the walls were full of books, CDs and picture frames, and a laptop on the brown couch standing in the middle of the living room area was playing a song full of heavy guitars. On the table in front of the couch was an orange folder and three volumes of _Dai Kan-Wa Jiten_.  
  
”I'm really sorry for making you wait.” Tsukishima got startled by Yamaguchi's voice but somehow he managed to hide his surprise. He teared his eyes from the books on the table and forced himself to look at the apartment's owner.  
  
”It's alright,” Tsukishima said, collected his mental self and handed the box to Yamaguchi, ”here. I just wanted to thank you.”  
  
”Oh! Oh. I didn't expect you to give this back but I'm glad,” Yamaguchi said, a dazzling smile on his face. He took the box and disappeared into the kitchen probably to get rid of it. ”How were they?”  
  
”Nice. My friend really liked them,” Tsukishima mumbled, painfully aware how ignorant and rude his answer sounded. Another reason why people usually found it hard to be around him – conversations just weren't his thing.  
  
”I'm really happy if that's the case,” Yamaguchi said as he came back from the kitchen, his smile still in its place, ”I was really worried I got on your nerves back then in the laundry room, you know? And I try not to annoy any other neighbours, I swear to god the old man living right under me hates my guts for no reason. I really hope you don't think I'm some kind of creep though! Truth to be told I kinda wanted to like, run into you or something so I could apologize and make sure I didn't piss you off but fortunately I made too many of those cupcakes because just randomly running into someone you have things to say to doesn't really happen, right? And now that I think of it I could have just come to you like I did even without baking anything and I have this annoying habit of rambling when I'm nervous, can you tell?” Yamaguchi hid his blushing face behind his hands and Tsukishima found the little speech, as well as the gesture, endearing.  
  
”So... are you moving out?” Tsukishima decided to change the subject instead of letting Yamaguchi swell in his embarrassment, glancing at the boxes in the apartment.  
  
”No, those are Shouyou's. I'm just storing them here because he had to move out from his old place and he and his boyfriend are supposed to get an apartment together but they haven't found one yet,” Yamaguchi sighed, throwing a dirty look at the boxes. When Tsukishima looked closer at them he in fact saw something scribbled on them with an extremely messy handwriting. _Shouyou: clothes_ said one, _Shouyou: books_ was written on a smaller one and a box with multiple _Shouyou: DO NOT DROP_ s was sitting right next to the couch.  
  
”And let me guess, it's been weeks since he promised to come to pick them up?” Tsukishima asked, his voice full of amusement.  
  
”Two months and counting. If he wasn't my best friend I would have thrown all of these out of the window already,” Yamaguchi huffed, rolling his eyes.  
  
A silence fell between them and for some reason Tsukishima found it hard to look at the other boy. Instead he let his eyes wander around the apartment, his gaze landing on three picture frames on the shelf next to them.  
  
First of the frames had a picture of two boys on their high school graduation day, judging from their outfits and rolled up diplomas in their hands. The taller boy in the picture was definitely Yamaguchi, just with shorter hair and smaller smile. The other boy had a messy, orange mop of a hair and a smile so wide it made his eyes squint. The picture in the middle had probably been taken on the same day, according to the background and the diploma younger Yamaguchi was holding. Behind him was standing a man and a woman with stern looks on their faces – Yamaguchi's parents, Tsukishima assumed.  
  
He took a look of the last picture and immediately spotted the boy with the orange hair again. He and a bunch of other boys were wearing something that looked like a sports uniform, standing in a gym in front of a net with the name of their high school printed on their shirts. The picture seemed to be an official team photo and it took a moment from Tsukishima to find Yamaguchi.  
  
”You played volleyball in high school?” he asked, his eyes still studying the pictures.  
  
”Yeah, I did. Or more like followed Shouyou to whatever club he wanted to be in,” Yamaguchi said, letting out a little laugh. ”Did you play in high school?”  
  
”No but my brother did. I went to see some of his high school matches,” Tsukishima shrugged, tearing his gaze from the picture.  
  
”That's a shame, you would have been good with all that height,” Yamaguchi said and Tsukishima could feel how the other boy's eyes studied him from head to toe. It made him uneasy and nervous even though he knew the look had nothing behind it. Tsukishima mentally slapped himself – why was he feeling so agitated over nothing?  
  
”My brother kept telling me the same but I guess I'm not really made for something that involves teamwork,” Tsukishima said and shrugged. His eyes met with Yamaguchi's and the other boy gave him a reassuring smile that somehow calmed his nerves.  
  
Tsukishima didn't know Yamaguchi. He didn't usually visit people he had only met briefly and having a proper conversation with someone like that was actually Tsukishima's greatest nightmare. But right at that moment, standing there and chatting about volleyball and annoying but loveable best friends didn't feel weird or awkward at all. Maybe that was just how Yamaguchi was – able to befriend anyone in seconds.  
  
”Volleyball's hard though, I wasn't good at all. I still sometimes play but it never ends well,” Yamaguchi laughed, his eyes lingering on the team picture on the shelf.  
  
”You still play? With your, um, friend?” Tsukishima only knew the first name of Yamaguchi's friend and he definitely wasn't calling someone he had never even met by their first name.  
  
”Yeah. Shouyou's boyfriend plays in his university's team and we sometimes practice with them. We used to do it a lot but I don't have that much spare time anymore,” Yamaguchi said, a hint of sadness in his voice.  
  
”Boyfriend, huh,” Tsukishima said quietly, more to himself than to Yamaguchi. He was looking at the pictures again and missed how the boy next to him flinched. ”He's in this picture, too?”  
  
”Y-yeah, next to Shouyou. Black hair.” The boy in the picture was tall, at least compared to Shouyou next to him. He didn't look that interesting to Tsukishima but if he was playing in a university team there must have been some talent hidden under that expressionless face.  
  
”He looks angry.”  
  
”Kageyama's... nice,” Yamaguchi said with a small laugh, shrugged and went to the kitchen. Tsukishima leaned on the wall and watched how the other boy carefully moved small chocolate cupcakes from a baking tray on a huge plate. There was a plastic piping bag and a bowl of frosting on the table next to the plate. A lock of hair escaped from Yamaguchi's ponytail and he put it behind his ear without really paying attention to what he was doing. The sight made something jump in Tsukishima's chest and the blond wasn't sure was that _something_ positive or negative.  
  
”You don't sound too keen of him,” Tsukishima said slowly, not quite sure if he had the right to say something like that. After all, Tsukishima didn't know this Kageyama guy and he couldn't say he knew Yamaguchi, either.  
  
”Well, Kageyama's... he's alright. We just don't really get along I guess,” Yamaguchi said, throwing a small smile to Tsukishima over the cupcakes he had arranged on the plate.  
  
And Tsukishima didn't really understand because getting along with Yamaguchi was the easiest thing he had ever done.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dai Kan-Wa Jiten is basically a Japanese-Kanji dictionary. [Here's a wikipedia page for those who are interested!](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dai_Kan-Wa_Jiten)
> 
>  
> 
> [tumblr](http://sleepyams.tumblr.com/)


	3. 'Cause the truth is, I'm about to lose it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank all of you who have left kudos or a comment or subscribed - means the world to me. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy this chapter as well!
> 
> Chapter title: The Cab - These Are The Lies !

The cafeteria was once again loud, full of students whining about the terrible weather and the mountains of school work they had due. It felt like autumn had decided to come in one night: the temperature had dropped harshly in just a few days, the rain kept pouring down and Tsukishima's fingers were freezing even though he was indoors. He glanced out of the window and wished he had wore a thicker sweater as the rain kept drumming against the glass. There was only a week left of October but if the temperature would keep dropping the chance of getting the first snow soon was real.  
  
”You've got to be kidding me.” Kuroo's voice startled Tsukishima and he moved his gaze from the window to his two friends who were now getting seated. They wore almost identical grins on their faces and their eyes were fixed on the small white box on the table in front of Tsukishima.  
  
”What do you mean?” the blond asked even though it was painfully obvious what Kuroo had meant. He kept making big gestures towards the box, almost giving Bokuto a slap on the face. ”Ah, right. They're from Yamaguchi.”  
  
Between them on the table stood a box of chocolate cupcakes, all eight of them decorated with even more chocolate.  
  
Yamaguchi Tadashi was a stress baker, or so he had said himself. Last night Tsukishima had accidentally spent hours in his kitchen, watching how he put together dozens of cupcakes just for the fun of it. Yamaguchi had said that he enjoyed making something for special occasions but way too often he found himself baking cakes at 2am without any other reason than having a distraction from something.  
  
After making the cupcakes look like pieces of art he had packed some of them in a familiar box and gave it to Tsukishima with a smile, saying _”share them your friends or something, there's no way I'm going to eat all of these.”_  
  
”Yamaguchi?” Bokuto asked, eyes carefully scanning the cupcakes as he tried to find the most delicious-looking one.  
  
”Laundry boy, I assume,” Kuroo answered with a smirk, snatching a cake for himself. Tsukishima rolled his eyes to the nickname but nodded. He kind of wanted to comment on how all of them should probably have their actual lunches before dessert but on the other hand they were young, stressed out by school and Tsukishima's lunch looked very unappealing next to the cakes.  
  
”Man, these are next level. Now I'm sad I didn't come on Monday,” Bokuto pouted, biting into his second cupcake. People passing their table threw weird glances towards them, probably laughing at their unusual choice of lunch.  
  
”Don't worry, I'm sure Tsukishima here can get his boyfriend make anything–”  
  
”He's not my boyfriend,” Tsukishima interrupted, not even trying to hide the annoyance in his voice. These kind of jokes were Kuroo's speciality – the amount of laughs he got from musing how Bokuto and Akaashi were actually a married couple was ridiculous – but Tsukishima had known Yamaguchi for a week.  
  
It wasn't that Kuroo's jokes made him uncomfortable, in the end he didn't really care about them. He wasn't embarrassed or bothered, either. But the fact that Tsukishima had spent hours with Yamaguchi on the previous day, listening to different little stories – like how Shouyou had hurt his ankle on their last year of high school and was now coaching some junior high team instead of playing in a university team himself, or how Yamaguchi had never scored that well in kanji tests but was now majoring in Japanese language and literature. He had sat there, laughed with Yamaguchi and not once had he felt like he wanted to leave.  
  
Yamaguchi had been genuinely nice to Tsukishima from the start without faking a single smile and that just didn't happen to Tsukishima. He had always been bad with people no matter how hard he actually tried to be nice. He had a sharp, poisonous tongue and a dark sense of humor. He was lucky that Kuroo was actually a fan of his retorts and Bokuto's skin was too thick for them.  
  
But Yamaguchi was different – he seemed sweet and innocent, his smile always on place. For some reason Tsukishima wanted to keep his sarcasm and witty answers to himself when Yamaguchi was with him. It wasn't because Yamaguchi couldn't take them – Tsukishima's tongue had slipped a couple of times the day before and the other boy hadn't batted an eye – but because the blond didn't want to make Yamaguchi feel bad.  
  
It bothered Tsukishima that he didn't really know why he was feeling like that.  
  
-~-  
  
Tsukishima was drenched. The rain had gotten even more violent over the days – if that was physically possible – and even though the walk from the train station to his apartment building wasn't long Tsukishima hadn't prepared himself for a vigorous wind that would make his umbrella completely useless. He managed to unlock the door to the building and was now standing at the bottom of the stairs, trying to get rid of the droplets on his glasses by rubbing them on the hem of his shirt.  
  
He was cold, annoyed by the weather and already tired of all the homework he was supposed to do before he got to go to bed. One could say that someone walking right into him in the stairway didn't exactly brighten his day.  
  
”I-I-I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't hear you coming, I'm sorry!” the collider chanted, stumbled backwards and bowed in an apologetic manner. Tsukishima couldn't see the other boy's face but he didn't have to: the messy orange hair gave him away.  
  
”It's fi–”  
  
”Oh!” Shouyou exclaimed, his gaze on Tsukishima when he got up from his deep bow. The blond only raised his eyebrows, not sure how he was expected to answer. ”You're tall!”  
  
”And you are not,” Tsukishima mumbled, nodded to the boy and tried to get past him – there was only one flight of stairs separating him from the comforts of his apartment...  
  
”I mean yeah, Yama-chan did say you were tall but _man_! How tall are you? You must be at least two meters! Or I don't know, I've never really been good at measuring these kind of things because everyone just looks huge from my perspective. Or maybe I just happen to be surrounded by the tallest people on Earth and actually–”  
  
”Do you have something to say to me?” If rambling had been a contagious disease, Tsukishima would now know where Yamaguchi had gotten it.  
  
”Yes, I do actually. Funny that we happened to run into each other, quite literally,” Shouyou laughed, ”I'm still really sorry about that though.” Tsukishima frowned, feeling how a headache was slowly creeping up to him. He didn't want to be rude to Shouyou but the orange ball of continuous blabber added to the rain, wet clothes and coldness were enough to fill Tsukishima's annoyance meter.  
  
The ginger ran his eyes up and down, definitely judging Tsukishima. His face was suddenly serious and his presence seemed bigger, even intimidating. He pursed his lips and crossed his arms, letting out a small sigh.  
  
”You don't seem like a bad person to me, Tsukishima,” he said. The blond wanted to ask how Shouyou knew his name or how he had recognized him in the first place but the moment didn't exactly feel right.  
  
”Okay,” was his answer. Shouyou's dark eyes locked into Tsukishima's own and somehow the blond felt a bit scared.  
  
”But, you know, Tadashi's my best friend. Like, I've known him for over ten years. His ups, his downs, I've been there. And you know,” Shouyou took a step closer, his eyes serious, ”if you hurt him like all the other guys did, I'm going to end you.”  
  
Needless to say, Tsukishima was puzzled. What was this guy even talking about? Why would he want to hurt Yamaguchi? They had known each other for less than a month. But, Tsukishima got to admit, Shouyou's words had piqued his interest: other guys? Someone had done something to Yamaguchi? And what exactly Shouyou meant by ending him?  
  
”Oi, you with me?” The demanding tone brought Tsukishima back from his thoughts. The boy in front of him didn't wear such an intimidating look on his face anymore but there was something in his eyes that made Tsukishima feel uncomfortable.  
  
”Yeah, got it,” he said slowly. Shouyou seemed to deflate, his hands falling back to his sides and smile climbing on his lips.  
  
”Great! My name's Hinata Shouyou!” he said, offering his hand. The blond blinked a couple of times, surprised by how quickly Hinata's expression had changed. He held out his hand and the other shook it with a great enthusiasm.  
  
”Tsukishima Kei.”  
  
-~-  
  
Kuroo and Bokuto were always late. Both of them had a bad habit of getting so into doing something they kind of forgot where they were or if they had plans for the rest of the day. Both of them also had a bad habit of not getting out of bed in time when they didn't have morning classes. Tsukishima knew this but for some reason he always promised to have lunch with them, had they morning classes or not.  
  
The blond was standing in the cafeteria, a folder full of notes from his morning classes tucked under his arm, looking for the familiar duo. He knew he was the only one of the three of them to have classes before noon that day but he tried to be hopeful. Maybe on that rainy, grey and gloomy November morning Kuroo and Bokuto had woken up early and got their asses to the campus on time.  
  
He wasn't surprised when he couldn't find his friends from the crowd. But he was surprised to spot another familiar face, sitting by the window with laptop in front of him.  
  
”Yamaguchi?” The boy in question raised his gaze from the laptop screen and gave a big smile to the blond.  
  
”Oh, hi!” Yamaguchi said, moving his laptop to the side. Tsukishima sat on the other side of the table, putting his folder on it.  
  
”What are you doing here?” The question might have came off a little rude but Yamaguchi's smile didn't falter.  
  
”Had lunch. Turned in one of my essays,” he said gesturing towards the laptop. ”The wi-fi's better here which is kinda weird, don't you think? It's a cafeteria. Who needs fast internet when they eat? Makes zero sense to me but well, it's nice to get out of the Letter buildings once in a while. How about you?”  
  
”Just lunch,” Tsukishima shrugged, trying hard not to laugh at Yamaguchi's rambling.  
  
They hadn't had a proper conversation since Tsukishima had interrupted Yamaguchi's baking some weeks ago. They had ran into each other a couple of times in the stairway but never had had time for more than quick greetings, which kind of sucked because Tsukishima's head had been filled with questions since Hinata had ran into him a couple days ago.  
  
It hadn't really crossed his mind but sitting there now made Tsukishima realize he had actually missed listening to Yamaguchi's rambles. The way he talked with his hands, got a glint in his eyes when he got excited about whatever the topic of the conversation was and scratched the side of his face embarrassed when he realized he had been talking non-stop about something irrelevant.  
  
Tsukishima somehow found all of that... endearing.  
  
”Oh, guess what! Shouyou stopped by two days ago. They've finally found an apartment! He's already taken some of the boxes to Kageyama's. I'll have my place back to myself in two weeks,” Yamaguchi said, looking oddly pleased.  
  
”I actually met him that day. In a stairway,” Tsukishima said, watching how a surprised look made its way on Yamaguchi's face.  
  
”I-is that so?” The freckled boy suddenly reached for his laptop and hid his face behind it, trying to cover his nervous smile.  
  
”Yeah. I've been wondering how he knew who I was...”, Tsukishima said, not being able to fight off a smile when a small blush appeared on Yamaguchi's cheeks.  
  
”Ah, I mentioned I made a friend and he of course stalked you on Facebook. I'm sorry,” he said, glancing at the blond from behind the screen. Tsukishima just shook his head and was about to assure he didn't mind when someone sat next to him with a loud groan.  
  
”That weather, man! That weather! Next time I'm about to borrow something to Bokuto please stop me because let me tell you, he's the worst when it comes to giving your stuff back to you.”  
  
”Bokuto has your umbrella?”  
  
”Do I look like I came here under one?” Kuroo's usually messy hair was flat against his head, droplets falling on the table. He shook off his drenched jacket and gave it a disgusted look before hanging it on the back of his chair. He let his eyes drift from Tsukishima to the other side of the table, his eyebrows shooting up. ”Shit, did I interrupt something?”  
  
Tsukishima shook his head quickly, getting back to his lunch. Yamaguchi pushed his laptop aside again and held his hand out to Kuroo with a smile.  
  
”Yamaguchi Tadashi.”  
  
”Kuroo Tetsu- wait. _You_ are the laundry boy?”  
  
Tsukishima wanted to disappear. He wanted the Earth to swallow him or someone to break the window and kidnap him. Of course Kuroo had to bring up the stupid nickname. Embarrassing people was his daily job and usually Tsukishima was good at dodging Kuroo's attempts to make fun of him. He was careful with his words and actions but somehow telling his friends to drop the stupid nicknames had slipped from his mind.  
  
”I guess,” Yamaguchi answered with a laugh when Kuroo let go of his hand. Tsukishima threw an apologetic look to the other side of the table, trying his hardest not to smack his grinning friend next to him. Well, at least it couldn't get worse than this. He was about to continue his lunch when Bokuto plopped down next to Yamaguchi, giving him a questioning look.  
  
Okay, it could get worse.  
  
”We haven't met before, right?” Bokuto asked slowly, his voice unsure.  
  
”I doubt,” Yamaguchi said and introduced himself to Bokuto. They shook hands and as Bokuto put his lunch and a book on the table, his gaze met Kuroo's.  
  
”Laundry boy,” was everything Kuroo said. Bokuto blinked twice before he understood Kuroo's words.  
  
”The cupcake guy?” he shrieked, his head snapping back to Yamaguchi. On the other side of the table Tsukishima wondered was it possible to die from embarrassment.  
  
”I haven't had a proper nickname in my whole life and now I have two. I'm not sure should I be flattered or not, though,” Yamaguchi said with a laugh.  
  
Tsukishima had been sure Kuroo and Bokuto would have scared Yamaguchi away. They were loud, tall and intimidating, but when they settled into a conversation about upcoming projects and how one of Kuroo's roommates was probably the messiest person on Earth, against Tsukishima's expectations Yamaguchi just went back into whatever he had been doing before any of them had arrived. Tsukishima could tell that Yamaguchi was listening to their conversation, anyway – he hid his laugh behind his hand every time Kuroo told another annoying thing his roommates were capable of.  
  
Tsukishima had already finished his lunch and was silently listening to Kuroo and Bokuto's banter when Yamaguchi closed his laptop and stretched his arms. He took his phone, tapped the screen a couple of times and then put it away in his bag with a sigh, a small pout on his face. He was in the middle of putting his laptop in his bag when he took a glance at Tsukishima, finding the blond looking at him with a worried look on his face.  
  
”Is something wrong?” Tsukishima asked quickly, trying to get away from the fact that he had stared and Yamaguchi had caught him. Again.  
  
”No! No, no. I'm fine. I, uh, had plans with Shouyou for tomorrow night but he has a lot of stuff to do now because they're moving so I guess I'll just, you know, study instead. I'm obviously not that excited,” Yamaguchi said as he got on his feet.  
  
”Leaving already?” Bokuto butted in the conversation, his eyes studying Yamaguchi, jumping from his pierced ears to his ripped jeans and back to his eyes. Tsukishima thanked the heavens Yamaguchi was too caught up in putting his things back in his bag he didn't see Bokuto's stares.  
  
”Yeah, my class starts in five minutes.”  
  
”What's your major?”  
  
”Japanese language and literature,” Yamaguchi said with a smile, took his bag and fixed his eyes on Tsukishima. ”I'll see you around?”  
  
”Yeah,” Tsukishima mumbled, trying his best to ignore Kuroo's smirk as Yamaguchi left the cafeteria. ”Before you say anything, we are not–”  
  
”Did you know it's his birthday tomorrow?” Tsukishima didn't even have time to get annoyed by Kuroo's rude interrupt when there was a phone shoved on the blond's face. Yamaguchi's Facebook profile was open on the phone's screen and, as Kuroo had said, it stated that his birthday was on the next day, November 10 th.  
  
”I can't believe you're stalking him.”  
  
”I'm not stalking anyone, just looking him up. And you should be thanking me for doing that instead of accusing me of stalking,” Kuroo said, taking his phone back to himself.  
  
”And why exactly should I be thanking you?” Tsukishima rolled his eyes, once again blown away by his friend's infallible logic.  
  
”You heard the guy, he had plans with someone for his _actual birthday_ but this someone stood him up so now he's going to be studying the whole night. Alone,” Kuroo said with wiggly eyebrows. Tsukishima suddenly got a huge urge to punch the boy sitting next to him but he decided against it.  
  
”That has nothing to do with me.”  
  
”I think it does. What's your opinion, Bo? Hey, Bokuto?” The boy sitting on the other side of the table seemed to be deep in his thought, looking after Yamaguchi even though he had already disappeared from the cafeteria. Upon hearing Kuroo calling his name he blinked and looked at his friends.  
  
”Did you say something?” Kuroo just shook his head with a smile and stood up, pointing the clock on the wall.  
  
The rain outside didn't show any signs of stopping when the three of them exited the cafeteria and made their way into one of the Science buildings. Kuroo was more than happy to get his umbrella back from Bokuto who was now frantically texting Akaashi if he had taken an umbrella with him in the morning. Tsukishima had suggested that maybe Bokuto should go and buy an umbrella of his own but the boy had masterfully ignored his words.  
  
”You know, Tsukishima,” Bokuto said after Kuroo had disappeared upstairs for his class. ”I think he's kinda cute.”  
  
”Who?”  
  
”The cupcake guy, obviously!” Bokuto exclaimed, throwing his arm around Tsukishima's shoulder. ”And, on top of that, he also seemed to be kinda cool, you know? Polite and all. I think you should go for it.”  
  
”Go for what?”  
  
”Oh, you know,” Bokuto said, winked at Tsukishima and waved as he turned the corner, leaving Tsukishima in front of the room his class would be held in. The blond wanted to shout after him that he definitely should _not_ go for anything Bokuto or Kuroo thought was a good idea but his phone buzzing for a new message stole his attention. The blond sighed, fished his phone out of his pocket and opened the message.  
  
_From: Akiteru_  
_11/9  
__[12:58] Are you free on Saturday? I'm coming to Tokyo and there's something I need to tell you._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to come yell about tsukkiyama with me on my [tumblr](http://sleepyams.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/vilmahenriika) ! (I'm currently more active on the latter tho)


	4. Drunk off of nothing but each other 'til the sunrise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be quite honest, life has been very, super hard lately. All the lovely comments, kudos and subscriptions have made me really happy so thank you for those!!
> 
> This is one of my favorite chapters of Awkward Sun, I really hope you all enjoy it as well!
> 
> Chapter title: Kesha - The Harold Song
> 
> This chapter contains alcohol consuming by characters of age. Just a heads up if you're uncomfortable with that.

Customer service wasn't really Tsukishima's forte, everybody could have guessed that much. But he got enough extra money to pay his apartment's rent so he tried to think positively and keep the smile on his face every time there was a customer. At least his boss was nice enough to let him do mostly night shifts when the small convenience store a couple blocks away from his apartment building didn't attract that many customers.  
  
Tsukishima glanced at the clock on the wall and let out a sigh. Ten more minutes and he could go home, have a good night's sleep and spend his weekend finishing a couple of essays and other school related work. He had also promised to meet up with his brother the next day and it made him excited and anxious at the same time. They hadn't seen each other in a long time – Tsukishima practically had no time between school and his part-time job to visit Miyagi and Akiteru was working hard for some huge corporation in Sendai.  
  
Akiteru had said there was something he needed to tell to his brother but he had been secretive about the matter. Tsukishima had asked about it and the only answer he had gotten had been an obnoxious _'you'll see on Saturday!'_ accompanied with a winking emoji. He doubted it was nothing serious – the winking emoji had definitely gave that much away – but Akiteru being annoying like that really got on Tsukishima's nerves.  
  
Akiteru got on his nerves a lot by wanting to know way too much about his personal life, reminiscing embarrassing childhood stories and calling him cute in public. But in the end they were brothers, they were supposed to annoy each other, and Tsukishima loved Akiteru dearly. He was just bad at showing it.  
  
The bell above the store's door jingled, notifying the staff of a customer. Tsukishima forced himself to focus, a quick glance at the clock told him he had five minutes left before his shift would be over. He could do this and then enjoy his weekend.  
  
”I didn't know you work here.” Yamaguchi looked pleasantly surprised as he walked to Tsukishima. He was wearing a worn-out leather jacket on top of a thick sweater, its shoulders glistening from the rain that still kept pouring down.  
  
”I only do like three shifts a week,” Tsukishima shrugged. He had never seen Yamaguchi during his shifts either even though he being there made sense – the store wasn't exactly far from their building. ”It's still raining?”  
  
”Yeah, but it's getting colder. It might snow soon!” Yamaguchi said, voice full of excitement. He had disappeared somewhere between the shelves and Tsukishima could hear silent humming coming from his general direction. He didn't recognize the song and suddenly he was glad no one else had decided to come to the store to cause extra noise.

  
~  
  
”I heard it's your birthday,” Tsukishima said as he waited for Yamaguchi to punch in the pin of his credit card.  
  
”You 'heard' that? From who?” Yamaguchi asked with a playful smile, glancing at the blond. The machine told that the transaction was successful and he removed his card from the reader.  
  
”Kuroo. I guess he stalked you on Facebook.” That was a lie because Tsukishima _knew_ Kuroo had stalked Yamaguchi on Facebook.  
  
”Well, he isn't wrong,” Yamaguchi said and put the bottle of cheap wine in his bag, crossing his arms. ”He didn't send me friend request, though. How rude.”  
  
”I bet he would be delighted to get a friend request from you,” Tsukishima said, locking the cash register. His shift had already ended and he could hear his boss rustling in the backroom, ready to take over the shop for the rest of the night. ”Are you going home?”  
  
”Yeah, why?”  
  
”Do you mind if I walk with you?”  
  
~  
  
During the short walk from the convenience store to their apartment complex Tsukishima found out Yamaguchi and Bokuto had something in common – the lack of an umbrella. No matter how close to each other they walked, a single umbrella wasn't big enough to cover them both. Their shoulders kept brushing and there were raindrops clinging to Yamaguchi's eyelashes that glistened every time they passed a street light. At least the rain wasn't as intense as during the day and they weren't completely drenched after the walk.  
  
Yamaguchi unlocked the building's front door and they stepped in the dark stairway. Tsukishima managed to close his umbrella while Yamaguchi found the switch and turned the lights on. Tsukishima's fingers were freezing and he was sure the first snow would fall soon, as Yamaguchi had predicted earlier. Had it always been this cold in November?  
  
They climbed the stairs without saying a word, Tsukishima looking for his keys while Yamaguchi hummed the mysterious song to fill the silence. Tsukishima still couldn't tell had he heard the melody somewhere or not and it was slowly driving him crazy.  
  
”So... Thanks for walking with me,” the blond broke the silence as they reached the third floor. Yamaguchi gave him a happy smile and shook his head.  
  
”Thank you for sharing your umbrella,” he laughed, the sound making something light up inside Tsukishima's chest. It was getting late and Yamaguchi's fingers were almost blue from the cold but there was still a happy smile on his lips. Tsukishima had no idea how he managed to be so... full of life all the time.  
  
”Any plans for the night?” Tsukishima asked as he went to unlock the door to his apartment.  
  
”Well, I have wine now. I also should finish an analysis for class and someone said there's old horror movies on the TV tonight,” Yamaguchi pondered, tapping his chin.  
  
”Sounds like a plan then. Good night, I gue–”  
  
”Tsukishima, do you happen to like wine?”  
  
~  
  
When there wasn't daylight pouring in from the windows and only two stacks of cardboard boxes stood in the corner instead of dozes of them littering the floor, Yamaguchi's apartment looked different. Tsukishima told Yamaguchi that much when they were out of their shoes and the lights were switched on.  
  
”You bet I'm happy to get rid of those damn boxes. Shouyou actually came by earlier today to take most of them away. We were supposed to go out for drinks tonight but they still have to empty Kageyama's place and everything. He did buy me some fancy champagne though so I don't really mind,” Yamaguchi said as he put the freshly bought bottle of wine in the fridge.  
  
There was a handmade card on the table in front of the couch: an old photograph of two young boys – one with flaming orange hair and the other with freckles all around his face – glued on a piece of cardboard and _HAPPY BIRTHDAY_ written over it with huge, pink letters. Tsukishima picked it up and almost laughed at its tackiness.  
  
”This is great,” he said when Yamaguchi came back from the kitchen, carrying two glasses filled with something sparkly. He put the glasses on the table and rolled his eyes as he switched the TV on.  
  
”It's terrible. I was such an ugly child,” Yamaguchi groaned and snagged the card to himself. He studied the picture for a moment and despite calling it terrible, a small smile made its way on his lips.  
  
”You were cute,” Tsukishima mumbled. He sat down on the couch and took one of the glasses, quickly hiding his face behind it. A small blush took over Yamaguchi's cheeks as he reached for the other glass.  
  
”I don't even remember when this pic was taken. We can't be older than ten,” the freckled boy said after a moment of silence. He turned the card over, read the little message Shouyou had wrote on there and put it back on the table.  
  
”You've known each other since you were small?” Tsukishima asked, his eyes strictly on the TV screen. He recalled Hinata saying something along the lines of being friends with Yamaguchi for over ten years but his memories of the whole meeting with Hinata were a bit fuzzy.  
  
”Yeah, we met when were six or something? My parents had to travel a lot because of their jobs when I was a kid and Shouyou's family lived next door. His family is kinda like another family to me. I probably slept more nights in his room than in my own,” Yamaguchi laughed but his voice lacked mirth.  
  
When Tsukishima glanced at the boy next to him he didn't really look sad but... serious. Tsukishima's parents had always been there for him and he valued his family over everything; he couldn't even imagine how hard it must have been to grow up without having your parents around. He wanted to say something but the moment was over in a blink of an eye and soon enough Yamaguchi was back to his usual, smiling self.  
  
~  
  
The horror movie on the TV _was_ old: it was one of those with almost hilarious special effects and over-dramatic acting. Tsukishima wasn't a huge fan of horror movies, they were usually scientifically impossible and not even scary, but he actually enjoyed the movie. Maybe it was the champagne and cheap wine they drank, or maybe it was Yamaguchi's commentary on how the lead actor was bad and the plot was ridiculous but when the end credits began to roll Tsukishima had to admit he had had fun while watching.  
  
They had downed almost two bottles of alcohol in an hour and a half and even though Tsukishima could handle his liquor well, he was starting to feel the effects. He didn't feel as nervous around Yamaguchi as earlier, he laughed more openly and had this weird tingle in his fingertips. It was actually quite nice, especially because Yamaguchi was nowhere near sober, either.  
  
Yamaguchi was one of those people who became even funnier to be around when they were drunk. Tsukishima enjoyed Yamaguchi's company even without alcohol but he could do nothing but stare in awe when the boy next to him explained in detail how even movies like that could never make him hate horror films, his lips in a soft smile and his eyes sparkling. Locks of hair kept escaping from his ponytail and ended up framing his face no matter how many times he pushed them behind his ear or re-did the ponytail. He emptied his glass and started humming the song again, even though his tune was a little off this time.  
  
A new movie started playing on the TV – a more recent one, Tsukishima noticed – when Yamaguchi turned to him.  
  
”Do you ever wonder how your life would be now if you had done something differently in your past? Like if you had lived somewhere else when you were small or decided to major in psychology or learned to play the piano?”  
  
”I actually know how to play the piano.”  
  
”What? No way! Okay, okay: if you had gone out every weekend to party and do illegal shit in high school instead of playing the piano.”  
  
”How did you know I started playing in high school?” Tsukishima asked with an amused smile. It was almost incredible how someone could get so hammered from a couple glasses of fancy champagne and bad wine.  
  
”You said you weren't in a club that required teamwork in high school and if you had played the piano since you were small you would be part of the National Orchestra or something instead of majoring in physics,” Yamaguchi explained, waving his hand. ”I don't see why anyone would want to major in physics anyway though.”  
  
”What's that supposed to mean?” Tsukishima wanted to know, laughter bubbling inside him. He hated how he couldn't contain his emotions after drinking and no matter how hard he tried to pull off an offended face the amusement in his eyes ruined everything. Yamaguchi laughed at his efforts, putting his hand on Tsukishima's shoulder as an extra support when he tried to catch his breath.  
  
”People who understand physics are like... superhumans.”  
  
”I'm flattered.”  
  
”You should be! You're... nice.”  
  
Yamaguchi wasn't smiling anymore, instead the look on his face was... amazed? He wasn't making fun of Tsukishima but the blond couldn't quite name the expression he had on. He could feel Yamaguchi squeezing his shoulder, his hand suddenly feeling a lot heavier than before.  
  
”Yeah, you're nice. Really nice. Has anyone told you that?” Yamaguchi blinked slowly, his eyes finding Tsukishima's. Yamaguchi was suddenly so close the blond could count the freckles on his face.  
  
”Not really,” Tsukishima whispered and, before his drunken mind caught up with his body, placed his lips on Yamaguchi's.  
  
It wasn't really a kiss. It was more like one of those small pecks you gave when you were told to kiss someone during a game of spin-the-bottle in high school. A light touch on the other person's lips for two seconds before both of you sat back down and laughed with your friends.  
  
Except this time no one was laughing, they weren't in high school and even though their lips weren't touching anymore Tsukishima could feel Yamaguchi's warm breathing lingering on his lips. His mind was running so fast his thoughts got tangled with each other and everything he could hear was an irritating white noise. Yamaguchi was staring at him, a blush on his face and this time Tsukishima was sure the look he wore was surprised.  
  
-~-  
  
The café wasn't bustling with people as badly as Tsukishima had feared. It was already past noon and the rain had finally stopped, giving way to blinding sunshine and freezing wind. Tsukishima considered himself lucky he wasn't hungover from last night.  
  
Last night had been... nice. He hadn't gotten to bed before 3am but he had still had fun, drinking and watching horror movies. The second movie had been a lot better than the first one, not scary but the special effects had been impressive. Yamaguchi had been too drunk to follow the plot but that hadn't stopped him from commenting on how bad the lead actress' eyebrows were. Tsukishima had laughed at his remarks and even joined in even though he didn't even pay attention to the movie.  
  
After the kiss (even though Tsukishima kept reminding himself that touching someone's lips with your own for two seconds couldn't be called a 'kiss') they had just stared at each other for what had felt like hours. Then Yamaguchi had slowly backed off on his side of the couch, a shy smile accompanying the blush on his face.  
  
”That was...”  
  
”Surprising,” Tsukishima had ended his sentence, earning a small chuckle from the other. After a terrible, awkward silence Yamaguchi had begun his commentary and the rest of the night had went by smoothly, as if nothing out of ordinary had happened.  
  
Tsukishima wasn't sure how he was feeling about the so-called kiss and how they had handled the situation. They had been drunk but definitely not drunk enough for the memory to be gone the next morning. What was Yamaguchi thinking about him? How would he act around Tsukishima the next time they met? Would he even talk to him anymore?  
  
Tsukishima got himself a coffee and scanned the café for free tables. It wasn't crowded, most of the customers were either groups of friends or young couples. He found an empty table by the window and sat down, taking out his phone. Akiteru was nowhere to be seen so Tsukishima killed the time by scrolling through social media. He hadn't had enough sleep last night and his mind felt heavy, he kind of just wanted to go back home and sleep the day away. True, he had bunch of school work to finish but he always had tomorrow.  
  
”Told you university is hell.” The smile on Akiteru's face was the same as always – big, happy and contagious. He sat down on the other side of the table and took a sip of his own coffee, his eyes carefully studying his younger brother.  
  
”Hi to you too.”  
  
”You look like you haven't slept well in ages.”  
  
”Maybe I haven't,” Tsukishima said and put his phone away, happy to finally have something else to think about than the night before. Akiteru laughed, shaking his head. There were circles under his eyes, too, but overall he was definitely looking more alive than the person Tsukishima had seen in the mirror earlier that morning.  
  
”How have you been, Kei?”  
  
”Alright. School's taking its toll on me, I have like ten million assignments and projects to finish and–”  
  
”No, I asked how have _you_ been. You're not being too harsh on yourself, aren't you?” The smug look on Akiteru's face was enough to tell that he still could see through his brother.  
  
”I guess I am. I'm just tired, there's nothing to worry about,” Tsukishima sighed, hoping he sounded convincing. ”But what about you? You said there was something you needed to tell me.”  
  
Akiteru nodded and suddenly he looked extremely nervous. He took a deep breath, reached for the pocket on his jacket and pulled out a small, black box. He put it on the table between them and stared at it. Tsukishima followed his example, not sure what he was supposed to do. He glanced at his brother and slowly reached for the box, picking it up and opening it.  
  
”Oh my god.” He had obviously known that the box had a ring inside of it but he was still surprised. The ring was a simple, thin band with a gemstone but nevertheless beautiful.  
  
”What do you think?” Akiteru's voice was strained and he was chewing his nails, a habit he fell back to every time he got nervous.  
  
”It's... you're going to propose to Saki?”  
  
”That's the plan, yeah. Do you think it's a bad idea?”  
  
”What? No! That's great news,” Tsukishima said, astonished. He closed the box and handed it to Akiteru who quickly put it back in his pocket. There was a relieved smile on his lips when he reached for his coffee.  
  
”It's her birthday in two weeks, I'll do it then. She has always dreamed of summer wedding, I hope we'll find a nice place for the reception... if she says yes, of course.”  
  
”What are you talking about, of course she'll say yes. You've been together, what, six years? I've heard of people who've got engaged after a month,” Tsukishima said, still not quite able to wrap his head around the fact that his brother was going to get married. ”Have you told mom and dad?”  
  
”No. And I won't, I guess I'll just call them when I know what she'll say.”  
  
”But you told me.”  
  
”I needed an opinion from someone who I knew would say what they think, not what I want to hear,” Akiteru said, laughing at his brother's raised eyebrows. ”You've always been painfully honest, Kei, in good and in bad. I respect that.”  
  
A comfortable silence fell between them, Tsukishima taking in his brother's words. He had a bad habit of saying exactly what was in his mind but it didn't mean he talked first and thought later. Akiteru knew that, of course, and shamelessly took advantage of it. Akiteru knew him better than anyone, probably even himself, and Tsukishima wasn't sure was he comfortable with the fact.  
  
”Wedding, huh,” Tsukishima broke the silence with a whisper. He downed the rest of his coffee and let out a little laugh. ”I'm really happy for you, you know.”  
  
”It'll be held when your holidays have already started so we'll see how happy you are when mom forces you to help with all the preparations,” Akiteru smirked. Tsukishima rolled his eyes.  
  
”I'm just glad things are starting to work out for you,” he said. They both knew exactly what he meant: Akiteru had applied to university after high school just to find out after two years that he hated his major, during his first year in university he had injured himself and was forced to quit playing volleyball and a year ago his best friend since childhood had moved out of the country after a better job. Still Akiteru had managed to get a job he enjoyed, was about to marry the love of his life and never stopped smiling.  
  
”How're things working out for you, then?”  
  
”What do you mean?”  
  
”Oh, you know, is there something going on...?” The smug smile, tone of his voice and how he rested his chin on his hand was nothing new to Tsukishima – he immediately knew what topic Akiteru wanted to have a discussion about.  
  
”Please stop before you even start,” he said with a sigh. He definitely wasn't going to have a conversation about his nonexistent love life with his brother in public. ”There's nothing going on.”  
  
Or was there? Tsukishima couldn't stop his mind travelling back to last night. He still didn't know why exactly he had thought kissing Yamaguchi had been a good idea – or why it had been an idea to even begin with. Kissing your friends when drunk was something some people did, but Tsukishima wasn't like that. He wasn't really impulsive, either. But there was something about Yamaguchi that made him feel weird and act differently.  
  
When Tsukishima really thought about it, he had had these _feelings_ about Yamaguchi since day one. He hadn't realized it back then, but when he had seen the other boy for the first time in the laundry room something in Yamaguchi had caught his eye. He wasn't stereotypically good looking but something in him was mesmerizing – maybe it was his smile, or the way he always made Tsukishima feel relaxed, or how his long hair, pierced ears and freckles made him stand out in a good way. Yamaguchi made him feel good just by giving him a smile and telling him how his day was.  
  
Tsukishima knew those were the reasons he bit back his sharp retorts and got bad, drunken ideas around Yamaguchi. He also knew that if he described these feelings and reasons to someone, they would say he had it bad.  
  
Akiteru raised his eyebrows as he studied his brother over the rim of his cup. ”You look like you're in great pain.”  
  
”I'm... There's... I guess there's someone.”  
  
”You guess?”  
  
”It's... complicated,” Tsukishima said, taking the empty cup in front of him just to have something to do with his hands.  
  
”How so?” Tsukishima could tell Akiteru was enjoying the conversation way too much but he decided to ignore it. Akiteru loved to make fun of him but in the end he was the only person in Tsukishima's life who he could fully trust.  
  
”We just... click.” Akiteru's eyebrows shot even further up, someone 'just clicking' with Tsukishima Kei definitely wasn't a daily occurence. ”It's weird because we haven't even known each other for too long.”  
  
”So she doesn't share any classes with you?”  
  
Tsukishima wanted to end the conversation there and then. He had no idea how Akiteru would react to the fact that his little brother might have a thing for another guy. It was something they had never discussed, mostly because it hadn't been necessary. He personally couldn't care less who was dating who and what their gender happened to be but Akiteru and the rest of his family... it was just something that had never came up and at that moment Tsukishima could only wish it had.  
  
”He.”  
  
”Huh?”  
  
”I said 'he'. As in he doesn't share any classes with me.” Akiteru stared at him for a long, silent moment and then smiled.  
  
”Tell me something about him.”  
  
”So you don't have a problem with it?”  
  
”With what? Your crush being a guy?” Tsukishima wanted to say that he wouldn't call Yamaguchi a 'crush' but let it go, giving a small nod. ”Well, it's... not something I expected. But it doesn't matter to me, not really. So, what is he like?” Akiteru smirked, an excited twinkle in his eyes. Tsukishima rolled his eyes but there was a relieved smile on his lips.  
  
”He's... nice. He doesn't expect anything from me like everybody else. It's easy to, like, co-exists with him and I'm not sure do I want our relationship to be something else than friends, I just want him to be around,” Tsukishima said, surprised by how much he had let out of his mouth. Akiteru, however, was still smiling.  
  
”Co-exist? Only you would use a word like that,” he laughed. ”Okay, do you wanna hear what I think?”  
  
”Sure.”  
  
”If he makes you happy, you should go for it,” Akiteru said, face serious. Tsukishima frowned, not quite sure how he should take his brother's words. Did he want to 'go for it' and possibly ruin a great friendship? He didn't even know how Yamaguchi felt about him and he wasn't sure did he want to ask. Would just being around Yamaguchi be enough.  
  
And, on top of everything, did Yamaguchi make him happy and could he make Yamaguchi happy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing Akiteru so much man I love him.
> 
> [tumblr](http://sleepyams.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/vilmahenriika)


	5. I wanna wake up where you are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously can't believe all the comments, kudos and subscriptions you all have given to this story. Thank you so, so much!
> 
> Updated the chapter count as well! Less than 10 chapters to go after this one :>
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading <3
> 
> Chapter title: Goo Goo Dolls - Slide

”You're coming too, right?”  
  
”Where, exactly?”  
  
”Just say yes!”  
  
”I have a feeling I would regret doing that.”  
  
There was an amused look on Yamaguchi's face when Kuroo, Bokuto and Tsukishima sat down. He had his laptop in front of him on the table, a thick book placed next to it. A blinding sun was shining through the windows into the cafeteria, making all the students enjoy their lunchbreak even more.  
  
”Tomorrow's the greatest day of the year and me and my friends, Wild Hair and Frowny here, have decided to celebrate that fine day by going out for drinks. Mind joining in, laundry boy?” Kuroo said as he sat down next to Yamaguchi and flung his arm around his shoulder. The look on Yamaguchi's face was both terrified and amused.  
  
”It's his birthday tomorrow,” Tsukishima explained with a sigh, getting his packed lunch out of his bag. It was the first time since last Friday they had seen each other and Tsukishima didn't have the courage to look at Yamaguchi.  
  
”Tomorrow, huh? My shift ends at nine but I guess I could come after that,” Yamaguchi shrugged and shut his laptop. ”But only if you drop that terrible nickname.”  
  
”It's a deal then, _Yamaguchi_ ,” Kuroo snickered, removing his arm from Yamaguchi's shoulder.  
  
”Will you be around tomorrow at lunch, Kuroo-san?” Yamaguchi asked after a moment of silence.  
  
”Just Kuroo's fine. And yeah, unfortunately I have classes until four,” Kuroo said, looking pained by the fact he would have to sit through hours of lectures on his birthday. At least it would be Friday. ”Why?”  
  
”Would you mind if I baked something for you? You know, for your birthday. There's this one recipe I've wanted to try for ages but never really got around to do it.” Yamaguchi asked while scanning through the book on the table – another volume of _Dai Kan-Wa Jiten_ , Tsukishima noted. Bokuto was side-eyeing the book as well even though he was being uncharacteristically subtle about it.  
  
”Yamaguchi,” Kuroo said, his face serious when he placed a hand on the other boy's shoulder, ”where have you been all my life?”  
  
”I take that as a yes,” Yamaguchi laughed, reaching for his bag. He pulled out a notebook and a pencil and started writing something down when the other three went back to their lunches.  
  
The silence was supposed to be comfortable – they were eating, Yamaguchi was doing homework, Bokuto and Kuroo were deep in thought. A white noise was filling Tsukishima's head, he wanted to look at Yamaguchi but for some reason it had became an impossible task. They had parted in good terms after their movie night but every day after that Tsukishima had had hard time thinking about things that weren't about the boy sitting on the other side of the table. He was itching to say something, _anything_ , to get Yamaguchi's attention and see how he would look at Tsukishima. Would he smile? Would he look angry? Scared? Disappointed?  
  
”Yamaguchi?” Tsukishima turned his head to look at Bokuto so fast his neck almost snapped. Bokuto had closed his book and was looking weirdly hesitant.  
  
”Yes?”  
  
”You're majoring in Japanese, right? So you must be good at... reading,” he said, gesturing towards the volume of _Dai Kan-Wa Jiten_ on the table. Yamaguchi looked at the book, then moved his eyes back to Bokuto and nodded.  
  
”I guess? I'm not really sure what you mean, though.”  
  
”I, uh, have this one class, right? We have to write this paper for it, it's like 60% of our final grade. I don't have any problems with writing it, the topic's interesting and I'm almost done with it already and everything! The thing is that, um, when I write I sometimes mix words up or use wrong characters. Okay, not sometimes, it happens a lot. And Kuroo usually reads over the stuff I've written but this is a really important paper and I kinda would like to have two proofreadings for it. Would you, uh, mind?” Bokuto was talking really fast, his eyes not even meeting Yamaguchi's. They were all staring at him, surprised. Tsukishima had known that Kuroo often read over Bokuto's essays and other assignments but he would have never guessed Bokuto was actually having problems with reading.  
  
Bokuto opened his mouth again to say something, but Yamaguchi beat him. ”Of course I can do that.”  
  
”Really? I can pay you for doing it, I promise!”  
  
”No, no, don't worry about it. It's good practice for me too, don't you think? Just send your paper to my student e-mail when it's done and I'll go over it,” Yamaguchi said with a warm smile. He ripped a piece of paper from his notebook, wrote down his e-mail address and gave it to Bokuto. He took the piece of paper with a huge grin on his face, looking extremely relieved.  
  
For the rest of the lunch he kept asking Yamaguchi what favor he could do to make up the work the literary student would have to go through.  
  
”I'll come up with something, just you wait!” Bokuto said and Yamaguchi just gave him a smile and an eyeroll, giving up on telling Bokuto he didn't have to do anything for him.  
  
”You never reward me for reading over your stuff,” Kuroo said as he stood up, pretending to be offended.  
  
”That's because I look after your drunken ass every time we go out,” Bokuto stated, also getting up. The duo gave lazy waves and 'see you tomorrow's to the other two still sitting at the table and left the cafeteria.  
  
”You don't have a class?” Tsukishima's attention got snapped from his phone to the boy across the table. He worked hard on acting casual as he watched Yamaguchi to put his laptop away.  
  
”It got cancelled,” he shrugged.  
  
”Good! You know Kuroo better than me so maybe come with me to the store and help me choose something he likes to put on top of the cake,” Yamaguchi said, already on his feet. He was looking at Tsukishima, an excited smile on his face that made the blond feel weirdly warm and relaxed.  
  
-~-  
  
”Kuroo has always struck me as a chocolate person, to be honest.”  
  
”He would eat nothing but chocolate if he could.”  
  
”Maybe I'll just get both then,” Yamaguchi said and picked up two different bars of chocolate. He had showed the recipe for the cake he was planning on baking from his phone and it had looked like diabetes to Tsukishima. Kuroo, however, was one of those people who loved sweets like that so he had assured Yamaguchi he had made a great choice with the recipe.  
  
”Why are you doing this, though?” Tsukishima asked when they left the chocolate shelf and started the hunt for powdered sugar.  
  
”Doing what?”  
  
”Doing stuff for Kuroo.”  
  
”It's his birthday.”  
  
”Yeah, but you met him like a week ago,” Tsukishima said, watching how Yamaguchi scanned the shelves, the recipe open on the screen of the phone he was holding in his hand.  
  
”I like to do stuff for people on their birthdays. Birthdays are supposed to be special. I'm actually a bit sad we didn't really know each other when you had your birthday,” he said, picking up a box from the shelf and reading the label.  
  
”You know my birthday.” It wasn't a question, more like a happy statement and Tsukishima hoped he didn't sound as pleasantly surprised as he was feeling.  
  
”Kuroo and Shouyou aren't the only ones who know how to stalk people on Facebook,” Yamaguchi turned his attention to the blond, throwing a sly smile at him.  
  
”You stalked me on Facebook and didn't send a friend request? I'm offended,” Tsukishima deadpanned, earning a chuckle from the other boy.  
  
Yamaguchi tapped his phone's screen a couple of times, stepping right next to Tsukishima so he could see what was happening on the screen, too. Their shoulders touched and something that felt like a jolt of electricity ran down Tsukishima's spine, making him want to hit himself. Yamaguchi opened the Facebook app, wrote Tsukishima's name on the search bar and the moment his profile opened up, clicked the little 'send a friend request' button.  
  
”Happy now?” The smile was still stuck on Yamaguchi's lips as he re-opened the recipe on the screen of his phone.  
  
-~-  
  
There weren't many things Tsukishima Kei was extremely bad at, but baking was one of them. He was a disaster in kitchen and somehow always managed to burn something, no matter what he was trying to make. Tsukishima had told Yamaguchi this much but he had still invited him over after their trip to the store, asking him to be a mental support since apparently melting chocolate could be dangerous.  
  
”Just say if you need help,” Tsukishima offered from the kitchen table, watching Yamaguchi lay out the ingredients for the cake. He got a little hum as an answer and decided he didn't need to stay alert – Yamaguchi would probably be able to bake with his eyes shut and still come out of it without burning anything.  
  
Everything felt so... normal between them. Tsukishima was happy about it because the whole week he had been afraid of how Yamaguchi would act around him. Maybe he didn't remember the kiss after all? That would totally be the best case scenario. Tsukishima himself was working hard on trying to get his mind off of what had happened last Friday and Yamaguchi not bringing anything up about the night was more than helpful. He was just being his normal self, keeping the conversation going between them with a steady smile. He had even invited Tsukishima over again without sounding uncomfortable or like the invitation was forced out of him. It was nice. It was normal. Tsukishima had been afraid of fucking things up between them but Yamaguchi hadn't left him.  
  
”How has your week been, by the way? Haven't really seen you around since Friday,” Yamaguchi said, forcing Tsukishima's concentration on him. He glanced over his shoulder and gave a smile to the blond sitting at the table before going back to melting the chocolate.  
  
”I, uh, I've been busy. With school and stuff. Saw my brother last weekend,” Tsukishima said, his eyes on Yamaguchi's back as the other boy's focus was on the chocolate.  
  
”Oh, really? It would be really nice to meet him!” On that exact second Tsukishima decided that Akiteru would definitely _not_ meet Yamaguchi before he had gotten a grip of... whatever it was he was feeling towards Yamaguchi. Especially after all those awkward things Tsukishima had told to his brother. ”How was he doing?”  
  
”Fine, I guess. He's going to propose to his girlfriend,” Tsukishima said with a shrug, impressed by how excited Yamaguchi had seemed to hear how someone he didn't even know was doing.  
  
”Really? Ah, that's so sweet! You have to congratulate them for me! Are they planning on holding the wedding soon?”  
  
”Yeah, probably next summer,” Tsukishima said as he took his phone out.  
  
”Weddings are so nice. I haven't been in one in a long time but they're just... magical in a way, don't you think?” Yamaguchi was once again smiling to him over his shoulder, a soft look in his eyes. Tsukishima just nodded, unable to get any words out because if he did open his mouth he would probably blurt out something embarrassing like _'you are magical'_.  
  
_To: Akiteru_  
_11/16_  
_[16:39] Yamaguchi told me to congratulate you for your future engagment._  
  
_From: Akiteru_  
_11/16_  
_[16:40] Oh! Thank him for me!_  
_[16:41] Wait_  
_[16:41] Who's Yamaguchi? The guy you talked about?_  
  
_To: Akiteru_  
_11/16_  
_[16:42] Yeah._  
  
_From: Akiteru_  
_11/16_  
_[16:44] Neat ;)_  
  
Tsukishima rolled his eyes even though Akiteru couldn't see him and put his phone away. ”He says 'thank you'.”  
  
”Have they been together for long? Your brother and his girlfriend.” Yamaguchi had already put the melted chocolate away and was now busy with cleaning the counter so he could get the rest of the batter done.  
  
”Six years.” Yamaguchi gave a low, impressed whistle but fell weirdly silent. A whirr from the electric mixer filled the silence between them until Yamaguchi opened his mouth again.  
  
”Could you give me a hand with this?” When Tsukishima walked over to him Yamaguchi nodded towards a smaller bowl on the kitchen counter. ”The stuff in there needs to be poured in here and it needs to be mixed all the time. It's easy, just do it very slowly because there's powdered sugar in there and it tends to go everywhere.”  
  
And that it did. Tsukishima made sure to be very careful with pouring the mixture from the smaller bowl into the bigger one but in the end they were both covered in white, fine powder. Yamaguchi turned the mixer off and chuckled.  
  
”Oh my god, I'm sorry. This just always happens,” he said as he dusted his dark shirt. Tsukishima followed his example, trying his hardest to make his own black shirt black again. He didn't quite succeed but the shirt could always be washed. At least the icing looked good.  
  
”Wait, you've got some on your face,” Yamaguchi actually _giggled_ and reached to swipe the sugar off of Tsukishima's cheek. The blond was so taken aback by the gesture he didn't even try to stop Yamaguchi – he just stood there and felt how a slight blush made its way on his face. Yamaguchi brushed the sugar away with his thumb, blinked slowly and placed his hand on Tsukishima's cheek. His brows were slightly furrowed and he seemed to be deep in thought. His eyes were studying Tsukishima's face and the blond was sure the whole city could hear how fast his heart was beating.  
  
”Yamaguchi?”  
  
”Why did you kiss me on Friday?” Tsukishima could physically feel his heart skipping a beat. His inner panic spread all over his body and it was a miracle he didn't stutter when he opened his mouth.  
  
”I was drunk.”  
  
”You don't really strike me as a drunk kisser.”  
  
”Because I'm not.” Yamaguchi's frown deepened and Tsukishima wanted to run away – he would have if Yamaguchi's hand hadn't been on his cheek and his eyes locked on Tsukishima's own.  
  
”You make no sense.”  
  
”I know.” Yamaguchi let out a breathy laugh, breaking their eye contact. Chills ran down Tsukishima's spine when Yamaguchi ran his thumb over his lips and took a tentative step closer.  
  
”You have some sugar on here, too.”  
  
”I-is that so?”  
  
Tsukishima didn't have time to curse himself for stuttering because Yamaguchi moved his thumb away and replaced it with his lips. The touch was soft and delicate, as if Yamaguchi was waiting for Tsukishima to push him away. Tsukishima didn't; instead he closed his eyes and carefully leaned into the touch. The kiss was slow, almost fragile, and tasted sweet because of the sugar. It barely lasted longer than their first one and when they parted Yamaguchi looked surprised, just like after the first time.  
  
-~-  
  
The club Kuroo had chosen was actually a nice one. It was located near the campus, the dance floor slowly getting more and more crowded with students. Tsukishima thought that it was truly a blessing the club was built in two floors and the loud music didn't totally take over the lounge-like area in the second floor.  
  
”...and trust me, Akaashi, Tsukishima isn't as hopeless as we thought. I mean, apparently he helped with baking it and even though we all had some we're still alive.”  
  
”I'm right here, you know.”  
  
”I'm praising you, be thankful for once,” Kuroo said over the rim of his glass, his trademark grin on its place. Akaashi gave the story a little laugh and reached for his own glass, a light pink already taking over his cheeks.  
  
Tsukishima had known Akaashi for almost two years and every time they went out for drinks, he was the first one to get smashed. Tsukishima wasn't sure did he drink faster than the rest of them or was he just lightweight, but it didn't really matter – if someone needed a quick break from the reality it definitely was Akaashi. He studied harder for his future than anyone else, after all.  
  
Before Tsukishima got the chance to defend himself, Bokuto pulled out his phone and showed Akaashi the pictures he had taken of the cake earlier that day. It had tasted as delicious as it had looked and Kuroo had been so happy to get a proper birthday cake he had almost cried in the middle of the cafeteria. Bokuto had managed to snap pictures of Kuroo's happy face as well, and Akaashi looked pleased to see them, too.  
  
”I'm sorry I'm late! There was a customer in the shop when I was supposed to close and she just didn't want to leave, I mean who even buys books at this hour? And my co-worker threw his coffee on me so I had to go home to change and this whole evening was just a freaking mess,” Yamaguchi said, his cheeks still red from the cold air outside. He gave the four of them an exhausted smile and after introducing himself to Akaashi, sat down next to Kuroo.  
  
”You're fine, my friend. We haven't been here that long anyway,” the birthday boy said. Yamaguchi shrugged his jacket off and, after quickly checking his phone, met Tsukishima's gaze from the other side of the table. The smile he gave to Tsukishima was warm, lighting something on fire inside the blond. The moment lasted a mere second before Yamaguchi turned to Kuroo to ask when did they get there but the flames inside Tsukishima didn't die out.  
  
Bokuto gave the answer to Yamaguchi's question and took his arm, dragging him away to get them something to drink. His other arm was thrown around Akaashi's shoulders and the trio made their way to the counter, Yamaguchi laughing at something Bokuto was saying.  
  
”I can't believe someone has finally broken through that thick shell of yours.” Tsukishima frowned at Kuroo whose smile didn't falter.  
  
”I don't know what you're talking about.”  
  
”That look Yamaguchi just gave to you was kind of speaking for itself.”  
  
”He didn't give me any kind of _look_ ,” Tsukishima said, raising his glass on his lips. Kuroo actually had the guts to laugh at him and his pathetic attempt to hide the blush on his face.  
  
”My best friend since childhood is the master of reading people, don't think I haven't picked up a thing or two from him,” Kuroo smirked, resting his chin on his hand. Tsukishima just shrugged, avoiding Kuroo's eyes and deciding he would never want to meet this childhood friend.  
  
”...it's complicated.”  
  
”Well, life usually is. But listen to me, Tsukishima, and listen carefully. There are some people in your life who you just... _click_ with,” Kuroo said and Tsukishima couldn't help flinching, hearing Kuroo use the same word about him and Yamaguchi that he had used when talking to Akiteru. ”Those people are the ones you let in your life and never let go. You know, me and Bokuto had never met before but we happened to run into each other – quite literally – on the first day of school back then and we immediately just, you know, clicked.”  
  
”Are you trying to tell me you two are dating?”  
  
”Are you and Yamaguchi dating?”  
  
”No, it's...”  
  
”Complicated? I get it. Listen, there's two types of clicking: the 'I would be glad to fuck shit up with this person' one and the 'I would be glad to wake up next to this person every morning' one.” Tsukishima stared at Kuroo, letting the words sink in.  
  
He glanced at their friends on the other side of the room, all three of them leaning on the counter while they waited for their drinks. They were laughing at something in Bokuto's phone, Akaashi pointing at the device and talking fast. Tsukishima's eyes fixed on Yamaguchi, how the other boy covered his mouth with his hand when he laughed, how the dim lighting somehow made the silver in his ears stand out even more. He put his hand on Bokuto's shoulder as he tried to recover from laughing so hard and all Tsukishima could think was how the touch of Yamaguchi's fingers had felt on his cheek before they had kissed.  
  
”So you and Bokuto are type one?”  
  
”Yes. And you can only guess which type I think you and Yamaguchi are.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure you have noticed, but this is basically a story where I just throw in all my headcanons, I hope it's not bothering anyone.
> 
> ALSO if anyone is interested in possibly beta-reading this story or just being my second eyes, please hit me up on tumblr or twitter or somewhere, there's a chapter coming up I definitely need a little help with ;n;
> 
> [tumblr](http://sleepyams.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/vilmahenriika)


	6. Tonight we are young, so let's set the world on fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments, kudos and subscriptions! They make me really happy!
> 
> There's a really small mention of homophobia in this chapter and it's not discussed any further, just a heads up!
> 
> Chapter title: Fun. - We Are Young

Last weeks of November meant that every single student on the campus got excited about the upcoming holidays while the teachers made sure no one would forget that studying in university meant hard work and millions of deadlines. Tsukishima barely slept between all the lectures, his shifts in the convenience store and working on his assignments. He felt like he had been stuck in an endless cycle of responsibilities for the past weeks and when they entered December he was getting more than ready for the holidays.  
  
”Less than a month and then nothing can get me out of bed,” Bokuto declared. His voice was muffled since instead of balancing a book on top of the cafeteria table he was resting his head on it.  
  
”I feel you buddy,” Kuroo yawned, the dark circles under his eyes rivaling Tsukishima's. He gave Bokuto's shoulder a sympathetic pat and went back to his lunch after making sure the boy next to him hadn't fallen asleep. On the other side of the table Tsukishima wasn't sure was he in a need of a meal or a nap, and he ended up staring out of the window doing neither.  
  
The temperature had been steadily dropping throughout November and it was starting to feel like winter. They were still far away from it getting cold enough to snow and Tsukishima had experienced more extreme weather conditions back at home than what they were going through now, but overall the change from fall to winter was definitely completed. No one was brave enough to leave their house without appropriate clothing and Tsukishima had started to think about investing in proper gloves since his fingers were freezing even when he was indoors.  
  
”Do you think we'll get snow for Christmas?” Bokuto started the conversation after a moment of silence. He was now resting his chin on his hands, his lunch still forgotten.  
  
”Would it really matter? Our break starts after Christmas, anyway,” Tsukishima shrugged, tearing his eyes from the window.  
  
”And even if it did snow I doubt it would last,” Kuroo mused and stifled another yawn. ”I'd give anything for it to be warm and nice and sunny.”  
  
”My parents are going to Australia for Christmas,” Tsukishima said and reached for his bag. They only had half an hour of lunch break left and he knew he wouldn't survive the rest of the day if he didn't eat now.  
  
”Australia? You're going to Australia?” Yamaguchi sat down next to Tsukishima and gave a bright smile to the three of them. Tsukishima didn't understand how he kept sneaking in the cafeteria without any of them noticing.  
  
”No, my parents are. They're having some kind of midlife crisis and want to do spontanious stuff,” Tsukishima said, fighting hard against the urge to do nothing but stare at Yamaguchi who looked extremely _cute_ in a huge scarf wrapped around his neck.  
  
Tsukishima was frustrated that their baking session had happened two weeks ago and this was the first time since Kuroo's birthday they saw each other properly. Tsukishima knew he wasn't the only busy one: Yamaguchi probably had as many classes to worry about as everyone else, and he was also working part-time. Yamaguchi often joined them for lunch breaks but Tsukishima wasn't exactly excited to initiate a conversation about feelings and kissing and _them_ when Kuroo and Bokuto were around.  
  
But, if Tsukishima was being honest with himself, he was running out of patience. Yes, after kissing him Yamaguchi had went back to baking and mumbled a quick apology and after Tsukishima had assured him that it was alright, they both had been blushing like teenagers. Then they had simply buried the topic and Tsukishima just wanted to know was Yamaguchi as confused as he was.  
  
”Crisis or not, Australia doesn't sound too bad compared to the weather we have now,” Kuroo said with a sour expression, pulling Tsukishima back to reality.  
  
”If your parents are abroad will you spend your break in Tokyo, then?” Bokuto interrupted Kuroo's complaining before it would get out of hand.  
  
”No, they'll come back for New Year. I'm gonna spend a couple of days at my brother's when our break starts,” Tsukishima said. Akiteru had asked him if he wanted to visit Sendai before they would both go over to their parents' house on the New Year's Eve. Tsukishima had first declined since Akiteru and his fiancée (he had gotten a very happy _'she said yes!!!'_ message from his older brother some days ago) would have to work on the days he would be in Sendai but in the end Akiteru had convinced him to come over. They didn't spend enough time together anyway and Tsukishima could get all the sleep he needed during the time he had to be alone.  
  
”Aw man, too bad you're not here. We could have gone to the shrine together when the year changes,” Bokuto whined. Apparently he and Kuroo had made the first shrine visit of the year together with their families last time and were planning on doing so again.  
  
”We could go somewhere together on Christmas, though. On the 24 th or something, maybe?” Kuroo suggested, pleased that the conversation wasn't about Australia anymore. ”Nothing too huge because we all have deadlines after that but you know, something.”  
  
”Yeah, we totally should! And if we go right after classes I'm pretty sure Akaashi could come too,” Bokuto said, already looking for his phone to message Akaashi. Kuroo nodded to him and looked at the two boys on the other side of the table.  
  
”What do you think?”  
  
”Sure,” Tsukishima shrugged.  
  
”And you?” Kuroo asked Yamaguchi. The boy in question stared at him and blinked twice.  
  
”Me?”  
  
”Yeah, are you free then?”  
  
”Oh? Oh! Yes I am! I just didn't expect you to–”  
  
”Invite you too? Don't be an idiot. You're coming then, right?” Kuroo rolled his eyes and gave a warm smile to Yamaguchi. The look on his face went quickly from surprised to delighted.  
  
”I'd love to!”  
  
-~-  
  
One could tell it was the Christmas week just by walking down the shopping districts. All the shops' windows were decorated and people seemed to be in high spirits despite the dropping temperature and icy wind.  
  
Instead of getting a couple of drinks (which usually meant getting more than a couple and ending up smashed before 10pm) Kuroo had dragged his group of friends to Tokyo Tower. Even though all of them had visited the attraction at least once they managed to spend the whole afternoon looking over the city from the top of the tower and when they finally got out, it was already dark. The illuminations all over the city brightened their way when they walked to the train station in the chilly evening.  
  
”Christmas just makes me so pumped up! There's lights and cute decorations and the weather forecast said it might snow before the year changes! Can you believe it? Snow!” Bokuto rambled on when they were standing on the platform, all waiting for their respective trains.  
  
”That is pretty exciting,” Akaashi said, trying hard not to laugh at the disgusted face Kuroo pulled upon hearing the possibility of snow. He didn't usually complain but for some reason cold and Kuroo just didn't go well together.  
  
”Right? Right! What do you think?” Bokuto flung his arm around Tsukishima's shoulder, a huge smile on its place. His eyes were studying the dark sky, as if he was expecting the snow to start falling on that exact moment.  
  
”I don't really care,” Tsukishima shrugged. He wasn't a huge fan of cold and since the chance of getting snow was bigger in Miyagi he wouldn't mind a snow-less Tokyo.  
  
”Of course you don't,” Bokuto sighed but didn't let his smile falter. He gave a quick squeeze to Tsukishima's shoulder, his way to wordlessly assure that the retort and cold tone weren't enough to get under his skin, before rushing over to the bench Kuroo was sitting on. Tsukishima rolled his eyes to the gesture but couldn't help a little smile. What had he done right in his previous life to have so many amazing people around him now?  
  
' _Talking of amazing people_ ', he thought as someone came to stand next to him on the platform. Yamaguchi had once again wrapped the huge scarf around his neck and was scanning the sky with a soft smile on his lips. Tsukishima didn't say a word but Yamaguchi still turned to look at him, the smile making Tsukishima feel warm and relaxed despite the cold wind and his freezing fingers.  
  
”Our train's coming,” Yamaguchi said and Tsukishima nodded, turning to the other three. He repeated Yamaguchi's words to them and after quick goodbyes and ' _see you tomorrow_ 's the two of them boarded the train.  
  
It wasn't late enough for the evening rush to be over and the train was crowded. Even though Tsukishima was taller than average and was usually towering over other people, he didn't do well in crowds. They managed to squeeze themselves into a corner of the car and Tsukishima tried really hard not to think about all the people around him. He had obviously travelled in a cramped train before and he had survived – it just always took a little time to get used to.  
  
He was firmly staring at the roof when he felt a light touch on his wrist.  
  
”You alright?” Yamaguchi's voice was soft and gentle, almost so quiet Tsukishima didn't hear him. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and looked at the boy next to him.  
  
”Yeah, it's just... people,” Tsukishima said vaguely, ashamed of feeling like he was. They had four stops left and the uncomfortable pressure in his lungs was fortunately getting lighter. He heard Yamaguchi giving him a little hum as an answer and tapping his wrist once more. The touch was soothing, silently telling Tsukishima that Yamaguchi wasn't judging him.  
  
The train stopped on a station, almost as many passangers getting out as how many climbed on board. When the journey continued Tsukishima felt how Yamaguchi brushed his fingers against the back of his hand and then gently knocked their knuckles together. He was probably trying to get Tsukishima's mind off from the people around them, and he was succeeding – especially when he slowly took Tsukishima's hand and gave it a tentative squeeze.  
  
Yamaguchi's hold was light; it wouldn't have taken much from Tsukishima to break the contact if he wanted to. His heart was beating fast but this time it wasn't because of the mass of people around them. He really wanted to glance down to confirm were they really holding hands or was he panicking so badly he had became delusional. He took a quick look of the crowd instead, making sure no one was staring at them weirdly, before tightening his grip on Yamaguchi's hand.  
  
~  
  
”Do you have any plans for New Year's?” Tsukishima broke the silence that had been lingering around them the whole way from the train station. He could still almost feel the warmth of Yamaguchi's hand on his own even though the shorter boy had let go on the second they had stepped out of the train.  
  
”Not really, my parents are out of the country so I won't be going home. Shouyou's parents are coming here though and he invited me over, too,” Yamaguchi said. He didn't sound sad but there was a disappointed undertone in his voice that Tsukishima almost missed.  
  
”Are they working? Your parents.”  
  
”Yeah, I guess they're currently in France? We don't really talk about their work. Or... about anything.” Tsukishima could see from the corner of his eye how Yamaguchi fought a smile on his lips, trying to cover the bitternes that swam in his eyes. Tsukishima wanted to ask but he wasn't sure was he allowed to – the subject didn't seem pleasant.  
  
”Really? Because of time zones?”  
  
”Because they walked in on me and my boyfriend at the time and apparently us making out was a little bit too much,” Yamaguchi said as their apartment building came in sight.  
  
”I'm sorry,” Tsukishima said and actually meant it. A flame of anger had sparked in him, a feeling he hadn't expected to show up. He just couldn't understand how someone could abandon their own child over something so... small.  
  
”It's alright, it's been years and I'm over it,” Yamaguchi said and didn't exactly sound like he was over it, his voice strained and smile forced. Tsukishima didn't get a chance to say anything before Yamaguchi pulled out his keys and unlocked the front door, keeping it open for the taller boy. They stepped in the stairway and switched the lights on, happy to be back indoors.  
  
They reached the third floor quickly, both eager to get in the warm comforts of their apartments. The keys in Tsukishima's hand felt heavy when he turned to look at the boy next to him, not actually wanting to part ways. He opened his mouth to say something but Yamaguchi beat him, his cold fingers gently brushing against Tsukishima's key-free hand.  
  
”I had fun today,” he said, his voice shy. Their eyes met and Tsukishima could feel how his heart missed a beat when Yamaguchi took his hand for the second time that day.  
  
”Me too. I'm glad you came,” he said, trying to focus on Yamaguchi's face. Yamaguchi nodded slowly and tightened his grip around Tsukishima's hand, his eyes carefully studying the blond's expression. Tsukishima took a tentative step closer, getting right into Yamaguchi's personal space. The other boy didn't try to step away, his gaze locked on the blond. For a silent moment they just stood there, staring into each other's eyes, the possibility of someone coming up or down the stairs and seeing them knocking somewhere in the back of their minds.  
  
Tsukishima didn't have the time to register and react to Yamaguchi's hand on his cheek when the other boy already leaned in and kissed him. It was totally different from their previous, hasty ones: Yamaguchi's lips were soft but firm against Tsukishima's, the touch sending shivers down his spine. It was good – no, it was _great_ – and when Tsukishima tilted his head slightly to make the angle better Yamaguchi sighed against his lips and squeezed his hand.  
  
Tsukishima was embarrassed by how fast his heart was beating when they broke the kiss. There was a blush on Yamaguchi's face when he slowly let go of Tsukishima's hand, his fingers now pleasantly warm. He was smiling when he took a step back and slid both of his hands in the pockets of his jacket.  
  
”Good night, Tsukishima,” was all he said before turning on his heel and climbing the stairs to the next floor.  
  
-~-  
  
Bokuto thought that their winter break was way too short and Tsukishima couldn't disagree more – true, he had been exhausted and stressed out by all the work he had had to get done before the break but he was glad to be back in Tokyo after a couple of weeks with his family.  
  
Tsukishima loved his family, his brother and parents were the most important people in his life. But the older he got, the harder it was to be around them for long periods of time. He had been living on his own for a couple of years now and had gotten used to the silence and having his own space. When he visited his childhood home those were the things he didn't get, and it quickly tired him out.  
  
It had been nice to have the time to sit down and just talk with his brother, watch old movies from the TV way past midnight with his father and prepare dinner with his mother and Saki, Akiteru's fiancée. The fact that Yamaguchi had ran to him on their last day of classes before the break, snagged Tsukishima's phone from his hand and saved his own number in it before running off with a quick _'sorry I'm already late from my class but I'll see you around, right?'_ had made his time in Miyagi a lot more endurable.  
  
Akiteru had obviously teased his brother who had literally been glued to his phone but, for some reason, Tsukishima had decided not to tell him who he was texting. It wasn't because he didn't trust Akiteru; they had already talked about Yamaguchi and the feelings Tsukishima probably had for him. It was just that after their (first proper) kiss in the stairway Tsukishima wanted to clear everything out with Yamaguchi before letting anyone else know. The fact that they didn't have time for the talk before their winter break had slowly killed Tsukishima from the inside.  
  
It would have been easy to just talk everything over through text messages but it just didn't feel right. Tsukishima kept telling himself it was because he wasn't exactly good at texting, not because he was a helpless romantic.  
  
They only had 10 minutes left of their first lunch break of the year when Yamaguchi joined Tsukishima, Kuroo and Bokuto in the cafeteria. He gave the three of them a smile as a greeting as he sat down, the person on the other end of his phone call talking loudly in his ear. Tsukishima was ready to bet all his savings that the person was Hinata.  
  
”...my classes end at four so I would be there at half past, I guess? You're talking so fast my brain can't keep up, Shouyou.” Tsukishima hid his victorious smile while Kuroo and Bokuto raised their eyebrows at Yamaguchi. ”Yeah, yeah, I promise. Just, take a deep breath, remember that you're coaching actual kids for the next couple of hours and do not call Kageyama. You hear me, Shouyou? Yes, good, great. I'll message you when my classes end.” Yamaguchi put his phone down and was about to say something but Kuroo was faster.  
  
”Who's Shouyou?”  
  
”My best friend. He and his boyfriend are having a crisis and he needs counselling and a shoulder to cry on,” Yamaguchi said, letting out a sigh.  
  
”Ever considered a career as a relationship therapist?” Bokuto joked.

”No but I definitely should, since I do this for Shouyou at least once a month,” Yamaguchi rolled his eyes, a small smile on his lips. ”But what wouldn't you do for your best friend.”  
  
”You stored half of his belongings in your apartment for like a month, I'm pretty sure you're an A-plus best friend without the relationship counselling,” Tsukishima said, getting an amused eye roll from Yamaguchi.  
  
”True. I doubt it's actually something serious. Shouyou and Kageyama have these... fights, I guess, every now and then. He always panics but when we talk about it the reason behind the fight is something stupid and ridiculously small. That's just how they are,” Yamaguchi shrugged. ”I mean, when they met in high school they pretty much hated each other. I'm sure he just needs someone to whine to for an hour and everything'll be back to normal.”  
  
”Interesting couple,” Kuroo snickered while rummaging through his bag, his phone's muffled ringtone coming from the depths of it. Yamaguchi hummed and toyed with the phone in his hands. Kuroo had found his phone and was now in the middle of a conversation while Bokuto had, once again, lost himself in the book he was reading. Tsukishima snatched Yamaguchi's phone and balanced it between them on the table, getting Yamaguchi's undivided attention on himself.  
  
”Are you free tonight? I mean, after your therapy session with Hinata?” Yamaguchi huffed a laugh at his words, crossing his arms.  
  
”Sure, do you need counselling too?” he asked, a sly smile on his lips. It took a lot from Tsukishima not to blush and turn his eyes away. Yamaguchi rested his chin on his hands, leaning forwards and Tsukishima had never gotten a bigger urge to kiss him.  
  
”Come over when you get home?” Tsukishima asked and watched how Yamaguchi blinked twice.  
  
”Sure. I'll be home around, let's say, seven I think? If Shouyou isn't a total emotional wreck.”  
  
”Take your time with him, I'd like to just talk,” the blond said with a smile, hoping he didn't sound like he wanted Yamaguchi to come over so he could tell him to fuck off and never come back – especially when the topic he wanted to discuss was the exact opposite. A slight concern flashed in Yamaguchi eyes before he took his phone and nodded.  
  
”Of course. I'll message you when I get on the train?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have my last exam of the semester tomorrow and I haven't even started studying for it yet, wish me luck,,,
> 
> [tumblr](http://sleepyams.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/vilmahenriika)


	7. For every failing sun there's a morning after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooo we're halfway there......
> 
> As always, thank you for all the kudos, subscriptions and adorable, lovely comments! You guys don't even know how incredibly happy those always make me! ;u;
> 
> Also, since this is the last update before Christmas: Merry Christmas everyone! Or, if you don't celebrate Christmas: Happy Holidays! May you have relaxing, amazing time. I love you all <3
> 
> Chapter title: My Chemical Romance - The World Is Ugly.
> 
> HEADS UP! A character has a panic attack in this chapter, and if reading those in detail isn't your thing, you can skip from 'Tsukishima could feel how the tempo of his heart got faster' to '”Do you want to talk about it?”' !

_From: Akiteru_  
_1/9_  
_[18:22] I accidentally said that you might be seeing someone at the moment when I was talking with mom earlier today_  
_[18:24] I didn't answer any questions she had but she might call you tomorrow_  
_[18:25] I'm sorry Kei, I don't even know how things are going between you and Yamaguchi_  
_[18:27] Just tell mom I had wrong information if/when she calls_  
_[18:30] I messed up, I'm really sorry_  
_[18:31] If there's something I can do to make this up to you, just tell me_  
  
Tsukishima stared at the texts so long the screen of his phone went black. He sighed in annoyance, unlocked the screen and read the texts again. The words didn't seem to sink in no matter how many times he read them.  
  
Tsukishima loved his family even though his brother was sometimes annoying, his father had a bad habit of reminiscing the times when 'things were better' and his mother wanted to know everything that was happening in her sons' lives. Tsukishima wasn't the one to blame them, though; he himself had so many terrible personality traits they couldn't be counted.  
  
Akiteru couldn't keep his mouth shut and their mother was a little curious, so what? Tsukishima could lie, could tell his mother that he wasn't seeing anyone and Akiteru had just misunderstood. Making such a huge problem out of something so small felt stupid, but for some reason Tsukishima had to concentrate on his breathing to keep it stable.  
  
They hadn't had the chance to sit down and talk yet – Yamaguchi was still at Hinata's place to solve the short one's relationship problems. That being said, Tsukishima didn't even know yet were they a _thing_ , was he seeing someone or were they just fooling around with hand holding and kissing. And when Yamaguchi would eventually come over and they would talk about the topic, what would the outcome be? Had Tsukishima been reading the signs all wrong? Was he clinging on false hope and making a fool out of himself by wanting more?  
  
He took a deep breath, unlocked his phone once more and read through the messages from his brother. Mom knew he was (probably) dating someone. She was obviously expecting that someone to be a girl. What would she say when that someone would not turn out to be a girl? She or Tsukishima's father had never, at least when their son was present, voiced out their opinions of the matter. Akiteru had taken the fact really well but how about his parents? They had grown up in a different society than Tsukishima, and the discrimination and terrible things people said were still things he saw and heard every day.  
  
Tsukishima could feel how the tempo of his heart got faster, pressing painfully against his chest. He knew he should sit down and try to even his breathing out, but he _couldn't_. The apartment around him suddenly felt too small, like the walls were inching closer every time he blinked. The air was heavy and got stuck in his lungs, not moving in or out. He was squeezing the phone in his right hand so hard his knuckles were turning white, yet he couldn't feel anything.  
  
_'Interesting'_ , a small voice in the back of his mind mused, ' _this hasn't happened since the second year of high school_.'  
  
Tsukishima could feel the uncomfortable burning of tears and he screwed his eyes shut, telling himself to keep it together. This was not the end of the world, he had gotten over worse and everything would turn out to be fine. He leaned against the kitchen wall and bit his lip when the first tear escaped from the corner of his eye.  
  
Tsukishima almost jumped out of his skin when the phone in his hand vibrated and made a little _ding_ sound, informing him of a new message. He unlocked the device with shaky fingers and hated how long it took from him to focus on the text on the screen.  
  
_From: Yamaguchi_  
_1/9_  
_[19:02] I'm in the train now! I'm a little late, sorry :( Shouyou had A LOT to say lol_  
_[19:03] I'll be there in 10 minutes if you still want me to come over?_  
  
_To: Yamaguchi_  
_[19:04] Please do._  
  
_From: Yamaguchi_  
_[19:05] See you in 10! :)_  
  
Tsukishima put the phone on the kitchen counter and closed his eyes again, the tears now flowing freely. He felt like someone or something was choking him, and no matter how hard he tried to get air in his lungs he couldn't get enough. His parents' voices were echoing in his head, telling him how pathetic he was, how he would never be as good son as Akiteru was, how he never thought about other people's feelings.  
  
He let out a broken sob and clenched his fists, trying to feel something physical. There would be nail marks on his palms the next morning but he didn't care. His mind was getting messy, a pure terror taking over. Tsukishima knew he was overthinking, that he had nothing to lose his composure over for – his rational thoughts just weren't loud enough to cover the panicking ones.  
  
Tsukishima wasn't sure had he stood there crying and praying for his thoughts to shut up for ten minutes or ten hours, but when there was a knock on the door something in him finally felt at ease. He knew he looked like a mess, his face wet from tears and bloody marks on his palms. His legs were shaking when he walked through the apartment, and he was impressed they didn't give up under him when he finally got the door open.  
  
A little voice in the back of his mind reminded him that the person behind the door might not be Yamaguchi, but when he opened the door and saw the messy, overgrown bangs and familiar freckles the suffocating grip around his throat loosened a little.  
  
”Hi, I'm sorry I'm la– Tsukishima? What's wrong?” The worry in Yamaguchi's eyes only made Tsukishima feel worse but at the same time he was so happy the other boy was there. He wrapped his arms around Yamaguchi and pulled him close, burying his face in the dark hair. Tsukishima could feel how Yamaguchi's body tensed and then relaxed again, the boy putting his arms around Tsukishima.  
  
”I'm–” Sorry? Feeling like I'm dying? Finally losing it? Tsukishima's mind wasn't clear enough to form sentences that actually made sense.  
  
”God, your heart's beating like million miles an hour. What's wrong? Hey, can you hear me?” Yamaguchi's voice was soft when he gently pulled away to study Tsukishima's face. The blond didn't say anything, not because he couldn't hear what Yamaguchi was saying but because he was sure he would start sobbing if he opened his mouth – so Tsukishima just nodded slowly and saw how some of the worry in Yamaguchi's eyes was replaced by relief. He stepped into the apartment, closed the door behind his back and wrapped his fingers around Tsukishima's wrist. ”C'mon, let's sit down.”  
  
Even though it was Yamaguchi's first time in Tsukishima's apartment – for some reason Tsukishima hadn't invited the other boy over sooner – he walked around as if he had been there hundreds of times. He walked Tsukishima to the couch and sat him down on it, settling himself right next to the blond. Tsukishima was getting really annoyed by the tears that he just couldn't stop from flowing, and the hammering of his heart was nowhere near to normal. It was getting exhausting, his head felt light and no matter how much he told himself to breathe he simply couldn't.  
  
”I–I can't breathe.” Tsukishima's whispered words made Yamaguchi reach for his hand and intertwine their fingers. His other hand was on Tsukishima's thigh, the weight of it surprisingly comforting.  
  
”Let's do it together, okay? I'll count. Breathe in through your nose first,” Yamaguchi said with a calming voice. He talked and counted Tsukishima through what felt like hundreds of inhales and exhales. He didn't stop even when the blond's breathing had calmed down back to normal, but kept going until Tsukishima gave a light squeeze to his hand.  
  
”I'm sor–”  
  
”I'm gonna get you a glass of water, okay? I'll be right back.” Tsukishima gave Yamaguchi a weak nod and he got up, leaving the blond alone on the couch. Tsukishima closed his eyes and rested his head against the back of the couch, exhaustion taking over his body. It had been years since his last major panic attack and the memories of hiding behind a school building while his tears dotted the asphalt weren't exactly warm ones.  
  
The tears had eventually stopped then, and they had stopped now. Tsukishima's heart rate was back to normal and he didn't feel like he was seconds from dying anymore. He wasn't sure how long they had sat on the couch and just breathed – it had felt like hours. The warmth of Yamaguchi's hand was still lingering on Tsukishima's fingers and for some reason he felt guilty.  
  
”Here,” Yamaguchi handed him a glass full of water and Tsukishima thanked him with a small voice. He was so tired, his limbs were heavy and mind empty. He downed the water slowly while Yamaguchi sat back down next to him and took his hand.  
  
”Do you want to talk about it?” Yamaguchi asked when Tsukishima placed the empty glass on the table and let out a tired sigh. ”Or go to sleep?”  
  
”Sleep. Sleep sounds good,” Tsukishima said, mentally cringing at how hoarse his voice sounded. Yamaguchi nodded and stood up, not letting go of Tsukishima's hand. The blond got on his feet and pulled the shorter boy into a hug. ”Thank you.”  
  
”It's nothing. You scared the shit out of me, though. I was sure someone had died,” Yamaguchi's laugh was relieved, his body relaxing into the embrace. It was nice, it was warm and Tsukishima just wanted to feel less exhausted.  
  
”Can you stay the night?” he mumbled against Yamaguchi's hair, not sure had the other boy heard him. He was too tired to be nervous or actually care was the question even appropriate.  
  
”If you're fine with it.”  
  
”I wouldn't ask if I wasn't.”  
  
-~-  
  
Tsukishima wasn't sure what woke him up: the grey but bright light filtering in through the gaps between the curtains, the loud morning traffic, or the fact that another person's back was pressed firmly against his chest and it felt _nice_.  
  
It took Tsukishima a moment to go through the events that took place the night before: his brother's messages, the panic attack they caused, how Yamaguchi had came over and helped him through it, how he had asked Yamaguchi to stay the night and, in his hazy and tired post-panic attack state of mind, invited him to his bed without thinking was it inappropriate or not.  
  
To Tsukishima's (not so big) surprise Yamaguchi had been happy to sleep in the bed when his other option had been sleeping on the couch or on the floor. In the end he wasn't sure had Yamaguchi's delight came from the fact they got a chance to share the bed or because he didn't have to wake up in the morning in pain after sleeping on an uncomfortable surface.  
  
Tsukishima glanced at the clock on the opposite wall and, after a little squinting, let out a content sigh. It was barely 6am and since he didn't have a morning class he could just go back to sleep. Every part of his body felt heavy and – even though he would never admit it – listening to Yamaguchi's slow breathing made him feel all relaxed and warm, like how the sun made him feel on the first days of summer when it shone down on him.  
  
Tsukishima closed his eyes and was on the verge of falling back to sleep when loud and very obnoxious beeping filled the bedroom. He tried to ignore the voice and force himself asleep when Yamaguchi stirred under his arm and mumbled something Tsukishima didn't quite catch. He opened his eyes to see Yamaguchi reaching for his phone that kept getting louder somewhere on the floor. He got hold of the device, and after a couple of taps on the screen the beeping ended. He put the phone on the bedside table and rubbed his eyes, getting back under the covers.  
  
”Forgot to turn my alarm off last night, sorry,” Yamaguchi said, voice still hoarse from sleep. He pressed his back once again against Tsukishima's chest and the blond wasn't awake enough to care; instead he threw his arm over Yamaguchi's waist to get the other boy closer and steal even more body heat.  
  
Tsukishima was on the edge between consciousness and dreaming when his mind caught up with everything. ”Why do you have an alarm going off at 6.10?”  
  
”Getting out of bed isn't one of my strongest points,” Yamaguchi explained.  
  
”Wait,” Tsukishima said, blinking a couple of times while gathering his thoughts. ”Do you have a morning class today?” Yamaguchi sighed and rolled on his other side, now facing the blond. His eyes were bleary from sleep and his hair was a mess. Tsukishima's arm was still resting on his waist and Yamaguchi didn't seem to be bothered by it, or by their proximity altogether.  
  
”Yes. I also haven't skipped a single class since, like, September so I doubt my professor will come after me.”  
  
”You don't have to skip because of... you know.”  
  
”Because of last night? Because of you? I know I don't have to but I want to,” Yamaguchi said, his tone light but unwavering. He closed his eyes with a small yawn and shifted to get more comfortable. ”You don't have morning class either, right?” Tsukishima made a noise that resembled the word 'no' and wanted to count the freckles on Yamaguchi's face. In the end he decided against it, just enjoying the rare slow morning. The traffic outside the window created a comforting background noise as Tsukishima tried not to overthink the situation, how close they were and how his arm was still around Yamaguchi. It was nice and he wouldn't mind waking up like that every morning.  
  
”I'm sorry about last night.” Yamaguchi opened his eyes slowly and Tsukishima wasn't sure had he been asleep or not.  
  
”It's alright,” was his answer. Yamaguchi placed his hand on Tsukishima's arm and gave it a reassuring squeeze. The touch made Tsukishima's heart skip a beat and he wanted to punch himself – they had shared a bed and cuddled through the night but an innocent touch made him nervous? Ridiculous.  
  
”I didn't want to scare you.”  
  
”It wasn't the first panic attack I had to deal with, don't worry,” Yamaguchi said and Tsukishima wasn't sure did he mean dealing with attacks of his own or someone else's.  
  
”Still,” the blond said even though he knew his argument was childish. Yamaguchi laughed and blinked slowly, concern in his eyes.  
  
”Do you want to talk about it?” Tsukishima averted his gaze and worried his lower lip. He knew he had to give Yamaguchi some sort of explanation but he had never been good at talking about his feelings or personal life. It wasn't that he didn't trust Yamaguchi, he was just afraid people would leave if they got to know everything about him.  
  
”I don't know how my parents would react if they knew.” He was aware the answer was vague and Yamaguchi deserved a better explanation after everything that had happened the night before.  
  
”Knew? About what? About this?” Yamaguchi said, drawing an invisible line between them with his index finger upon the last word. Tsukishima gave him a slow nod, unable to look him in the eyes.  
  
”Yeah.”  
  
”How does this make you feel?” Yamaguchi didn't sound hesitant or apologetic but he moved his hand so it wasn't resting on Tsukishima's arm anymore. The blond caught the act and took his hand, intertwining their fingers.  
  
”Good. If I'm being honest it also makes me a bit nervous but... good at the same time,” Tsukishima said and finally gathered enough courage to look at the boy who lay next to him. ”My parents just have a fixation of me and my brother having families with children and a huge house somewhere in the countryside, and I just haven't had the heart to tell them that's not what I want.”  
  
”Your brother's getting married soon, right?” Tsukishima frowned at the quick change of topic.  
  
”Yeah, probably in July.”  
  
”You know what usually comes after marriage? Children. And who knows, maybe your brother and his future wife will have like ten kids and your parents will be so excited about them they won't even notice if you don't have any,” Yamaguchi said with a small smile, his eyes carefully studying Tsukishima's expression.  
  
”I doubt they would let that slip from their minds.”  
  
”Besides, who do you think your parents love more: their breathing, living son or the grandchildren who don't even actually exist yet?” Tsukishima had to admit that Yamaguchi's approach to the problem was definitely different from his own, and it did make him feel a bit more at ease. He hadn't even talked with his parents about his relationship yet and therefore had no idea what they would say or think. He had just seen the worst outcome and let his panic take over.  
  
”Me, I guess.” Yamaguchi sighed and rolled his eyes at the _'I guess'_   but let it go, squeezing Tsukishima's hand instead.  
  
”Do you feel better?”  
  
”Yeah. Could really use some coffee, though.” Yamaguchi laughed at the words, giving Tsukishima's hand another squeeze before sitting up.  
  
”My thoughts exactly.” Yamaguchi ran his fingers through his messy hair and stretched his arms, the early rays of the sun dyeing the back of his white T-shirt orange. Tsukishima propped himself up on his elbows and watched how Yamaguchi sat on the edge of the bed, slowly slipping into his jeans. Tsukishima followed his suit, getting quickly something with long sleeves on before the cold apartment would attempt to freeze him to death.  
  
Yamaguchi was already fully dressed and gathering his belongings – despite saying he was slow in the mornings – when Tsukishima got on his feet. Tsukishima himself usually didn't have problems with getting up from the bed, but for some reason the idea of leaving his apartment for a lecture wasn't appealing that morning. He was ready to have a cup of coffee and go back to bed, preferably with Yamaguchi.  
  
”Hey,” Tsukishima said and grabbed Yamaguchi by the sleeve when he attempted to walk past the blond to get out of the room. He stopped in front of the taller boy, a smile climbing on his lips when the blond laced their fingers together.  
  
”Hm? What is it?”  
  
”Thank you.” Tsukishima wasn't sure what he was thanking Yamaguchi for but he felt the need to say it anyway. In the end he had a lot of reasons to be thankful for, but listing them all would probably have been a little bit too much.  
  
”I already said it's nothing. I'm happy if you're feeling better,” Yamaguchi said and rested his other hand on Tsukishima's neck, his thumb tracing the line of the blond's jaw. The word _happy_ echoed in Tsukishima's head, the small smile on Yamaguchi's lips making the warm rays of the early morning sun even brighter.  
  
Tsukishima tilted Yamaguchi's chin up with his hand and kissed him softly. He felt Yamaguchi's smile against his lips and the warmth of his fingers on his neck, and Tsukishima just knew he was ready to do anything to make Yamaguchi happy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I very much passed the exam I had last week and I'm sure it's because all of you wished me good luck; thank you! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, I feel like they're just getting shorter and shorter... I'm sorry! orz
> 
> [tumblr](http://sleepyams.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/vilmahenriika)


	8. You're stuck in my head, stuck on my heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you might've noticed, I changed the rating and added some tags. The rating is for upcoming chapter(s), so no explicit content just yet. Just a heads up and possible warning, if some of you aren't comfortable with that - when those chapters are here, there will be warnings in the beginning tho!
> 
> Chapter title: Carly Rae Jepsen – Run Away With Me

Tsukishima had never been in a serious relationship. It wasn't because he was repulsed by the idea of having a romantic partner – he had dated some girls back in high school but he had never really understood the greatness of dating his classmates kept fussing about. The girls he went out with during high school had all been pretty and smart, and one of them had even shared his twisted sense of humor (they still occasionally texted each other even though she was currently studying in Osaka). Tsukishima had never really wrecked his brain and tried to find a reason why he got uneasy after going out with someone for a couple of months – he had always broken up with his partner before anyone could call their relationship a serious one.  
  
It only took him one sleepless night to realize that the problem in his past relationships had never been the girls being boring or he just having such a terrible personality no one could stand him for longer than a couple of months. No, the problem was that everybody had always talked about _girls_ and he had only dated _girls_. There was nothing wrong with girls altogether but the thought of going further than holding hands with a girl had made him uneasy back then, and made him uneasy now.  
  
Tsukishima found it kind of hilarious it had taken him so long to put the pieces together. Obviously he had knew it in the back of his mind but had decided not to acknowledge the fact. Then Yamaguchi had came into his life, breaking the fake lull Tsukishima had tried to live in and it was still a mystery to everyone how Tsukishima had fallen so hard and so quickly for Yamaguchi.  
  
Tsukishima wasn't going to call it _love_ – at least not yet. But it definitely wasn't just a simple crush, either. Tsukishima had never been good with identifying and showing his feelings, especially positive ones, but he was ready to work hard to show Yamaguchi how exactly he made Tsukishima feel.  
  
-~-  
  
”Kuroo, were you supposed to read over Bokuto's paper, too?”  
  
”Hm? What paper? The super important one you're proofreading?” Yamaguchi gave him a nod, turning his laptop so Kuroo could see the screen.  
  
”I'm pretty much ready with this, it's just that I'm not an expert with all these terms because, well, I'm not a biology student,” Yamaguchi said, resting his chin on top of the laptop's screen while Kuroo's eyes scanned the text on it. ”Do you want to read it through before I send this back to Bokuto?”  
  
”Yeah, sure. Just send it to my e-mail,” Kuroo said and went back to eating when Yamaguchi turned his laptop again so the screen was now facing him.  
  
It was still a mystery to Tsukishima why Yamaguchi was doing so much for Bokuto – for someone he barely knew – and didn't even want anything back. Tsukishima watched how Yamaguchi typed away on his laptop, a half-full cup of take-away coffee next to him on the table, and came to the conclusion that Yamaguchi would probably always be some kind of half-solved mystery to him.  
  
Tsukishima moved his gaze from Yamaguchi to the window on his right when he felt Kuroo's stare on him, grateful that Kuroo had decided to just give him a look instead of saying something that would probably embarrass both Tsukishima and Yamaguchi.  
  
Only the three of them sat at the end of a long table in their favorite cafeteria. Akaashi had suddenly called Bokuto earlier and asked if they could spend the lunch break together. Bokuto had looked troubled after the call and Tsukishima hoped Akaashi hadn't finally crumbled under all the stress. They hadn't seen each other since Christmas and even though Akaashi kept saying he was doing alright, Tsukishima couldn't help but feel a little worried.  
  
But Bokuto would take care of Akaashi, just like he had done all the other times the medical student hadn't been on top of his game. For some reason that thought reassured Tsukishima even though he personally wouldn't let Bokuto be the one taking care of him when he was having a bad day.  
  
”Shit! Is that really the time?” Yamaguchi exclaimed after a short silence, closed the lid of his laptop and threw the device in his bag while trying to get up and drink the rest of his coffee at the same time. Tsukishima glanced at the watch on his wrist to check the time: five minutes until the afternoon lectures were supposed to start and Yamaguchi had to go all the way back to the Letter buildings.  
  
”If you run you won't be late,” Kuroo said with a smile when Yamaguchi wrapped his scarf around his neck and gathered the rest of his belongings from the table.  
  
”I'll be fast,” Yamaguchi grinned and threw his bag on his shoulder. ”I'll see you later?” The last words were directed at Tsukishima, who just gave a little nod to the other boy before he ran out of the cafeteria.  
  
”So... later, huh?” Kuroo asked when Yamaguchi was out of their sights, leaning closer to Tsukishima. The blond frowned at his friend and started to pack his own things away.  
  
”I don't know what you're trying to say.”  
  
”You seem to spend a lot of time together,” Kuroo said with a smug grin, his eyes following Tsukishima as he stood up.  
  
”I guess,” Tsukishima answered, shrugging. ”Is there something weird about it?” His heart was beating faster than was normal but there was no way he would show that to Kuroo. He gave a bored stare to his friend who was still sitting on the bench, a mischievous smile on its place. They stared at each other for a couple of long seconds until Kuroo shook his head with a little laugh and got up.  
  
”Nope, nothing weird.”  
  
-~-  
  
”Why Bokuto didn't ask you to proofread his paper?” Tsukishima raised his eyes from the book he was reading at the sudden question. The two of them had been sitting on the couch in Yamaguchi's apartment for some time now, both immersed in their own studying materials. It was already dark outside, the cold January wind rattling the windows.  
  
”I guess he thinks I'm busy. Or he doesn't trust my grammar skills,” Tsukishima mused and turned a page. On the opposite end of the couch Yamaguchi cocked his head with a confused expression.  
  
”Are you busy?”  
  
”Well, I do have a job alongside school. But so do you,” Tsukishima said.  
  
”I don't think the amount of studying I have to do can be compared to how much you have to do in the same amount of time,” Yamaguchi said with a stiff laugh and turned back to the book on his lap, his brows in a pensive frown. Tsukishima wanted to put down his own book, crawl to the other end of the couch and swipe the uneasiness off from Yamaguchi's face. He wasn't sure what had made Yamaguchi make a face like that but Tsukishima knew immediately it wasn't a good thing.  
  
A silence fell between them again, but this time it was heavy and uncomfortable. Tsukishima tried to think of something to say, something to _do_ , to make Yamaguchi feel better or voice out his thoughts. His eyes were focused on the book in front of him but he wasn't actually reading – his mind was slowly going blank and he could feel the anxiety creep up on him.  
  
”I'm not making you busy, am I?” Tsukishima was snapped out of the whirlwind of his mind with the help of Yamaguchi's voice.  
  
”What do you mean by that?” Tsukishima asked, relieved the silence had fallen into pieces and it was a little bit easier to breathe again. Yamaguchi sighed and closed his book, placing it on the table in front of the couch.  
  
”You know, we've spent a lot of time together lately and I don't want you to think you're obliged to do that. You need space as well, we all do, and I don't want to force you to spend your free time with me when you could be doing something you like! Like, I just... I've fucked up so many times and I'm so scared eventually I'll fuck this up too. And this is something I don't want to fuck up. I'm happy to go back as we were before! I mean, sure, it'll make me sad but I'd rather be your friend than someone you hate and–”  
  
”Yamaguchi.” Yamaguchi snapped his mouth shut, a slight blush on his cheeks. There were traces of panic in his eyes and Tsukishima could see how he tried to hide the shakiness in his fingertips. The blond put his book on the floor, shifted on the couch so they were facing each other and put his hands on the other boy's shoulders. ”Calm down.”  
  
”Sorry.”  
  
”This whole... thing that's _us_ is confusing me right now,” Tsukishima said, and raised his hand when Yamaguchi opened his mouth to say something. ”But that doesn't mean I want it to end. I wouldn't spend my free time with you if I didn't like it. I want to get to know you better and if that includes some fuck ups, then feel free to fuck up. We all fuck up every now and then.” With the hand that wasn't resting on Yamaguchi's shoulder Tsukishima brushed some wild locks of hair behind Yamaguchi's ear and hoped from the bottom of his heart that the smile on his face was a soft one.  
  
”I don't want to do something that scares you away.”  
  
”Literally nothing in you is scary.” Yamaguchi huffed out a weak laugh, took Tsukishima's hand and placed a gentle kiss on his knuckles.  
  
”That's not what I meant but I'll take it,” Yamaguchi mumbled against Tsukishima's hand, the touch of his lips against Tsukishima's skin sending shivers down the blond's spine. He put his hand on Yamaguchi's cheek, his thumb brushing over the constellations of freckles scattered on there. Tsukishima tried to find something comforting to say but he was bad with words, he had always been bad with words, so instead of saying anything he just lightly kissed Yamaguchi and let him sit between his legs, the other boy's back to Tsukishima's chest, as they both picked up their books and continued studying in a comfortable silence.  
  
-~-  
  
Yamaguchi's idea of a perfect Sunday consisted of getting every possible chore he hadn't had time to do during the week, done. Tsukishima learned this important piece of information when he was rudely wakened by his doorbell going off at 8am on a Sunday morning.  
  
”Do you happen to have any dark laundry?”  
  
”You can't be serious.” Tsukishima wasn't sure which was more unbelievable: Yamaguchi waking him up just a little after 8am with his hair on a little ponytail and wearing a T-shirt that was just large enough to slip off from his shoulder, or the fact that he was seriously considering doing Tsukishima's laundry as well. ' _How fucking domestic,_ ' Tsukishima thought as he stifled a yawn.  
  
”Of course I'm serious! The washing machines downstairs are huge, if you haven't noticed. Like how do they think a person living alone can ever fill them up just with their own clothes? One of them would probably fit all my clothes at once! It's a waste of water to run a washing machine half-full, Tsukki, you should know that much. Also–”  
  
”Give me a second,” Tsukishima said and turned on his heel, leaving a victoriously smiling Yamaguchi on his doorstep, too focused on shaking off the remains of sleep to notice the name Yamaguchi had used of him.  
  
~  
  
Tsukishima didn't understand how anyone would ever think that doing laundry on a Sunday morning was an amazing idea, but there were a lot of things in Yamaguchi that still remained as mysteries to him (secretly he couldn't wait to solve every single one of them).  
  
”I'm sorry for waking you up. You didn't have to join me, though,” Yamaguchi laughed as he filled one of the washing machines with their laundry, glancing at Tsukishima who was leaning against a machine they weren't using, trying his hardest to keep his eyes open.  
  
”And let you wash my clothes and sit here all alone for an hour while I'm in bed? I'm not heartless,” Tsukishima said and blinked, his eyes still getting irritated by the bright fluorescent lights.  
  
”Funny, Kuroo just told me something totally different the other day,” Yamaguchi joked as he finished pouring lavender-scented detergent in the machine and started choosing the right washing programme, the machine beeping loudly.  
  
”You can tell him how I heroically sacrificed an hour of my Sunday just to sit here with you. Maybe that'll change his mind,” Tsukishima said and watched how Yamaguchi found the right programme and pressed a button to choose it, the machine giving another screeching beep.  
  
”You know,” Yamaguchi said as he switched the machine on and turned his attention to Tsukishima, ”even though I'd love to just sit here with you, I kinda have a better idea.” Tsukishima followed Yamaguchi with his eyes when he closed the distance between them and put his hands around the blond's waist, effectively trapping him between the unused washing machine and himself.  
  
Suddenly Tsukishima was feeling a lot more awake.  
  
Yamaguchi looked up at Tsukishima through his eyelashes, their height difference even more prominent when they were standing so close to each other. Yamaguchi gave a soft kiss to Tsukishima's neck, followed by another kiss on his jaw, on the sensitive skin right under his ear, on the corner of his mouth. When Yamaguchi finally reached Tsukishima's lips the blond's heart was going absolutely crazy, the warm feeling of anticipation spreading through his body.  
  
”Do you mind?” Yamaguchi whispered, their mouths so close Tsukishima could feel the other boy's breathing ghosting over his lips. Tsukishima shook his head as an answer, not trusting in his ability to speak, and placed his hands on Yamaguchi's waist to pull him even closer. Yamaguchi took the hint and finally closed the gap between their lips.  
  
Yamaguchi's lips were soft yet firm against Tsukishima's own, his fingertips travelling up and down on the blond's back. Tsukishima knew he could never get enough of kissing Yamaguchi, how the other boy smiled against his lips and let out a satisfied sigh when Tsukishima's tongue met his. Yamaguchi's fingers were gripping the back of Tsukishima's shirt and a pleasant warmth started to form in the bottom of Tsukishima's stomach when Yamaguchi pressed their bodies together.  
  
Yamaguchi broke the kiss just to get his mouth back on Tsukishima's neck, lightly nipping the pale skin there. Tsukishima slid his fingers into Yamaguchi's hair, the act making Yamaguchi hum happily against the blond's neck and give it a suck instead of a kiss.  
  
”What if– what if someone comes down here?” Tsukishima managed to say, his voice breathless.  
  
”No one does their laundry at this hour,” Yamaguchi assured, put his mouth on the other side of Tsukishima's neck and used his teeth to leave a bruise. A quiet whine escaped from Tsukishima and Yamaguchi smiled against the slowly forming mark, giving it a soft kiss. With the smile still on its place Yamaguchi pulled Tsukishima into another kiss and traced the blond's lower lip with his tongue, putting his hands behind Tsukishima's neck when he was granted an access into the taller boy's mouth.  
  
Despite Yamaguchi's words the possibility of someone opening the door to the laundry room and seeing them was knocking in the back of Tsukishima's mind; Yamaguchi was making it really hard for him to concentrate on anything else than their tongues brushing against each other, though. Yamaguchi pressed his thigh between Tsukishima's legs and sighed when the blond gasped into his mouth, slender fingers curling around the hem of his loose shirt.  
  
”Yamaguchi–!”  
  
”Too much?” Yamaguchi panted, his lips red and hair dishevelled. He rested his forehead against Tsukishima's shoulder and wrapped his arms around the taller boy's middle, the sounds coming from the washing machine loud enough to hide their labored breaths.  
  
”It's fine, just– public,” Tsukishima managed to muster together and Yamaguchi nodded, his hair tickling the side of the blond's neck that would have a deep-purple mark on it the next morning.  
  
-~-  
  
”You're late.” Tsukishima rolled his eyes to the accusatory looks Kuroo and Bokuto were giving to him. Both of them already had their lunches on the table, the book Bokuto was currently reading through balanced between them.  
  
”My professor wanted to talk with me after the lecture,” Tsukishima said and shrugged his jacket off, sitting down.  
  
”What? Why? Are you failing a class?” Bokuto asked, his eyes wide and tone incredulous. Next to him Kuroo looked surprised as well. They both stared at Tsukishima who took his scarf off and started to rummage through his bag for his lunch.  
  
”No but some first years are failing her elementary class and she asked if I had time to tutor them,” he explained.  
  
”No way! Aren't you busy with your job and everything already, though?” Bokuto asked, the book on the table already forgotten.  
  
”I don't have that many shifts next month and it's going to be just a couple of weeks anyway. It'll look good on my resumé when I graduate,” Tsukishima said with a smirk, getting an eye roll from Bokuto and a frustrated groan from Kuroo.  
  
A comfortable silence, as far as silence in the crowded cafeteria went, fell between the three of them. Bokuto went back to his book and Tsukishima took out his phone, answering a text he had gotten from his brother earlier. He tried to focus on the text he was writing but from the corner of his eye he could see how Kuroo was studying him from the other side of the table, his sharp stare getting on the blond's nerves.  
  
”What is it?” Tsukishima asked after sending the text, putting his phone away. The smirk on Kuroo's face grew wider and he rested his head on his hands, leaning closer towards Tsukishima over the table.  
  
”How was your weekend?” The question was confusing, definitely not worth of an invasive stare. Tsukishima frowned but Kuroo kept smiling, his demeanor drawing Bokuto's attention to the two of them as well.  
  
”It was alright. I did some homework.”  
  
”Nothing special happened?”  
  
”No?” Tsukishima said, his frown deepening. There was an amused glint sparkling in Bokuto's eyes that Tsukishima did not like _at all_.  
  
”Did you maybe see Yamaguchi?” Kuroo asked, blinking innocently.  
  
”We studied together, yes,” Tsukishima said, getting really uncomfortable under his friends' gazes. He tried to ignore the stares and started his lunch, only to get immediately interrupted by Kuroo.  
  
”Oh? So you're that close already?”  
  
”What's that supposed to mean? I study with you guys all the time,” Tsukishima said, Kuroo's question making him baffled.  
  
”Well, yeah, but we're _friends_ ,” Kuroo said, glancing at Bokuto who just nodded with vigor.  
  
”I seriously don't get you at all today. Yamaguchi _is_ my friend,” Tsukishima said, actually a little offended by Kuroo's words. On the other side of the table Kuroo and Bokuto let out scarily identical chuckles.  
  
”Just a friend?”  
  
”Yeah?” Tsukishima answered, his face blank even though there was a peak in his heart rate. Tsukishima tried to escape from his friends' eyes by lowering his own but Kuroo was faster, leaning even closer to him with a victorious smirk.  
  
”You wanna know a secret, Tsukishima? Friends don't leave hickeys on each other.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The very last sentence of this chapter was actually the very first idea I had for this story back in March 2016... wow I feel really nostalgic.
> 
> [tumblr](http://sleepyams.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/vilmahenriika)


	9. I close my eyes and I feel you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for the lovely comments! (A lot of you were excited about the rating change which makes me sooo happy - I was nervous about it!) Thank you for leaving kudos or subscribing, means the world to me.
> 
> Chapter title: Morning Musume '14 - Toki wo Koe Sora wo Koe, translation taken from [here](http://www.projecthello.com/momusu/tokisora.html) !
> 
> !! This chapter contains an M-rated smut scene, if that's not your thing you can skip from ' "So can I?" ' to 'They stayed like that for what felt like hours' !!

”So... it's Valentine's Day today.” Yamaguchi, who was leaning against Tsukishima's shoulder with his eyes closed, groaned at Kuroo's words.  
  
”What? Everything's so cute around Valentine's Day, there's chocolate and hearts and people in love...,” Bokuto said and wiggled his eyebrows at Tsukishima and Yamaguchi who were sitting on the other side of the table. Tsukishima rolled his eyes while Yamaguchi slowly raised his head and rubbed his tired eyes, forcing them open.  
  
”You can get chocolate every day if you want,” Yamaguchi said, stifling a yawn. There were dark circles under his eyes, and despite Tsukishima telling him he was already taking too many shifts at the bookstore he had another late night shift that evening.  
  
”Not hand-made,” Bokuto pointed out.  
  
”I'm sure Akaashi-san would make you chocolate for Valentine's Day if you asked nicely,” Yamaguchi said. Something flashed on Bokuto's face, something none of them quite caught, before he was quickly back to his smiling self.  
  
”I'd rather not let him do anything alone in the kitchen,” Bokuto chuckled.  
  
”Is he really that bad? He doesn't strike me as a bad cooker.”  
  
”He's even worse than Tsukishima.”  
  
”Oh wow, that's bad.”  
  
”Hey!” Yamaguchi laughed and gave an apologizing smile to the blond who had tuned in to the conversation upon hearing his name. On the other side of the table Bokuto and Kuroo were laughing, not looking too sorry, and Tsukishima settled with a sour expression. He wasn't actually offended, mostly because he knew his friends were telling the truth, but his acting was good enough for Yamaguchi to reach for his hand under the table and intertwine their fingers.  
  
Most of the time Tsukishima couldn't stop wondering what other people would think if they saw or knew. Tsukishima wasn't exactly afraid of other people's opinions because he was happier than he had been in years, but there was something gnawing at him and he couldn't exactly place what was the reason behind that.  
  
Tsukishima knew he was lucky that Kuroo and Bokuto couldn't care less who he was dating: the fact that Yamaguchi was close friends with them as well was only a good thing (and Bokuto had told him he and Kuroo had been betting on when Tsukishima would get his act together and tell Yamaguchi about his feelings; Kuroo had apparently won. How the two of them had realized Tsukishima had feelings for Yamaguchi even before the blond did was still a mystery.) Tsukishima also knew for a fact that Hinata didn't care that his best friend was dating a guy, but there was something in Hinata and what he had said to Tsukishima months ago that made the blond a little cautious of him.  
  
Hinata looked sweet and innocent but Tsukishima had a feeling the truth was actually very far from that.  
  
As if he had heard Tsukishima's thoughts, Yamaguchi gave a reassuring squeeze to the blond's hand before untangling their fingers and getting up. Their lunch break was coming to an end and the cafeteria around them was getting quieter. Yamaguchi put his jacket on and wrapped a scarf around his neck even though it would only take him two minutes to walk to the Letter buildings – the first two weeks of February had been freezing and the weather didn't seem to get any warmer soon.  
  
Kuroo and Bokuto turned to Tsukishima after Yamaguchi had said his goodbyes and walked out of the cafeteria. ”You really don't have any plans for tonight?”  
  
”Why should we have?”  
  
”It's your first Valentine's Day together. You have to do _something_ ,” Kuroo said as if Tsukishima was a little bit dumb, rolling his eyes. The blond just shrugged.  
  
”I'll be tutoring until six and Yamaguchi's shift ends at nine. It's just a normal day with a silly name, nothing more,” Tsukishima said, hoping he didn't sound like he was bothered. The truth was that Yamaguchi was working late almost every night of the week and Tsukishima had his hands so full with tutoring and homework that in the end the two of them didn't really have time for each other – the most they did together was share a bed after an exhausting day at school and work.  
  
Not that Tsukishima minded sharing a bed with Yamaguchi almost every night – it was something he loved more than anything – but every now and then he caught himself thinking how nice it would be to actually _do_ something with Yamaguchi.  
  
-~-  
  
”I'm sorry I didn't have time to make chocolate,” Yamaguchi said as a greeting when Tsukishima opened his front door. The blond just rolled his eyes and gave a soft kiss to the shorter boy, getting a small laugh as an answer, his heart doing backflips at the sound of it.  
  
”You are enough,” Tsukishima stated and gave himself a mental cheer when he saw a small blush on Yamaguchi's face as he stepped in the apartment.  
  
”So how was tutoring?” Yamaguchi asked when they sat down on the couch (that was way smaller than the one in Yamaguchi's apartment – Tsukishima didn't exactly mind the size difference). The TV was on even though neither of them was actually interested in the cheesy romance drama that was airing.  
  
”Alright. They're getting smarter,” Tsukishima said, his left hand resting on top of Yamaguchi's right. He drummed his fingers against the other boy's knuckles. ”How about work?”  
  
”It was fine. Can I blow you?” Tsukishima felt like every nerve in his body had stopped working for a second and then got back to work in double speed. He blinked and turned to look at Yamaguchi whose eyes were already on him, looking nonchalant yet curious.  
  
”Huh?”  
  
”You know, it _is_ Valentine's Day today and I seriously feel a little bad I have been working a lot lately. I didn't even buy or make you anything,” Yamaguchi said with a small pout, turning Tsukishima's hand so he could trace the lines in his palm.  
  
”I thought you didn't like Valentine's Day.”  
  
Yamaguchi snorted. ”I think it's stupid to have a special day to celebrate love but it's the best excuse I could come up with,” Yamaguchi said, his eyes studying the blond's face. Tsukishima could almost hear his brain short-circuiting. ”So can I?”  
  
”S-sure,” Tsukishima breathed out, surprised at how calm his voice sounded. An excited expression flashed on Yamaguchi's face before he leaned in and kissed Tsukishima, his smile pressing against the blond's lips. Tsukishima answered to the kiss and let Yamaguchi's tongue explore his mouth out of habit, the white-hot tingle of anticipation spreading through his body.  
  
Yamaguchi placed his lips on Tsukishima's neck as his hand slid down on the taller boy's chest. The mouth on Tsukishima's neck was hot and when there was a pleasant, gentle pressure of Yamaguchi's palm tracing the outline of his already half-hard dick through his jeans Tsukishima leaned his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes, a little sigh escaping from his lips.  
  
Yamaguchi gave a pleased hum against Tsukishima's neck, kissed the corner of his mouth and dropped on his knees on the floor, ushering the blond's legs wider apart so he could settle himself comfortably between them. Tsukishima forced himself to watch and bit the inside of his cheek when Yamaguchi slowly but steadily unbuttoned his jeans and, with a little help from the blond, stripped him out of them.  
  
The truth was that this was the first time Yamaguchi had even initiated anything more than shirtless kissing, which was why it had caught Tsukishima completely off guard. Tsukishima had decided he would never make Yamaguchi do anything that made him uncomfortable, especially after the talk he had gotten from Hinata back then in the staircase. Tsukishima wanted to see Yamaguchi being happy and if that meant no suggestive touches until marriage, then he could wait (not that he had been thinking as far as marrying Yamaguchi but he couldn't say the thought wasn't nice).  
  
Except that he didn't have to wait that long: Yamaguchi stroked him through his underwear a couple of times before hooking his fingers over the waistband. Yamaguchi glanced at Tsukishima from the floor, silently asking for a confirmation, and the blond gave him a steady nod.  
  
Tsukishima should have known that Yamaguchi being an amazing kisser meant he was great with his mouth. He wasn't sure which was more amazing: what he saw or what he felt. The slick slide of Yamaguchi's tongue accompanied with his hot mouth around Tsukishima was something the blond had never even dreamt of. His fingers found their way into Yamaguchi hair, and the the vibrations caused by the pleased hum Yamaguchi gave made Tsukishima let out a heavy sigh.  
  
Yamaguchi glanced up at him through his long eyelashes from the floor, his eyes dark and lips wet. He sucked the head of Tsukishima's cock before taking it fully back into his mouth, his blunt nails creating light patterns on the blond's thighs. Tsukishima didn't want to close his eyes but he couldn't help it, the sensations almost getting the best of him. Yamaguchi hollowed his cheeks around Tsukishima, his tongue running along the most sensitive vein on the underside of the blond's dick, and Tsukishima's fingers got tangled in the dark hair.  
  
Tsukishima leaned his head against the back of the couch and felt the intoxicating burn grow in the bottom of his stomach. His breathing was getting heavy and he knew it was almost embarrassing how quickly he had gotten in the state he was in.  
  
”Yamaguchi–!” The sigh of his name made Yamaguchi moan around Tsukishima and fasten his pace, his right hand stroking the base of the blond's dick. Tsukishima bit his lip, already hating how the voices he made were louder than Yamaguchi's own little whines. He gripped Yamaguchi's hair harder as a pathetic attempt to get out of his mouth before he would reach his edge, but the gesture only made Yamaguchi more determined to finish what he had started.  
  
Yamaguchi's hands found Tsukishima's hips and he pushed them down before taking as much of him inside his mouth as he could. The blond felt his cock bumping against the back of Yamaguchi's throat, and the sound coming out of his mouth made the boy on the floor curl his fingers, nails leaving marks on the pale skin.  
  
”Fuck, Yamaguchi, I'm–” Tsukishima knew he tugged Yamaguchi's hair enough for it to hurt but all Yamaguchi gave him was a content sigh, a gentle scrape of teeth and a hot breathing against Tsukishima's knee after letting him come in his mouth.  
  
” _Tsukki_.”  
  
”Come here.” Yamaguchi did as he was told, settling himself on Tsukishima's lap before the blond kissed him. Tsukishima sucked Yamaguchi's bottom lip and licked into his mouth, not even caring about the slightly bitter taste on his tongue. Tsukishima's glasses pressed almost painfully against the bridge of his nose and Yamaguchi let out a loud whine when the blond placed his hand on top of the bulge in his jeans.  
  
”You don't have to,” Yamaguchi whispered against Tsukishima's lips, his voice hoarse.  
  
”But can I?” Yamaguchi initiated another kiss, his hands behind Tsukishima's neck to pull him even closer, and the blond didn't wait for another answer. He took his time with the button of Yamaguchi's jeans, making the other boy helplessly jerk his hips in a search of friction. Tsukishima worked the zipper open and finally got Yamaguchi's dick out of the pants, already leaking heavily with pre-cum.  
  
Tsukishima tried not to think how Yamaguchi had gotten so turned on just by sucking _him_ off as he wrapped his hand around Yamaguchi's cock and gave it a tentative stroke. Yamaguchi moaned, not able to concentrate on their kiss anymore, and pressed his forehead against Tsukishima's own as the blond repeated his actions.  
  
It only took a couple more firm strokes of Tsukishima's hand for Yamaguchi to come with a sweet whine, and Tsukishima knew he would never be able to forget that sound.  
  
They stayed like that for what felt like hours, their foreheads pressed together and eyes closed. After neither of them was out of breath anymore Yamaguchi gave Tsukishima a haste kiss, a smile on his lips, and stood up to fix his clothing. Tsukishima followed his suit and went to the kitchen sink to wash his hands. The blond heard Yamaguchi following him and couldn't help a smile when the other boy wrapped his arms around his waist from behind.  
  
”Happy Valentine's Day,” Yamaguchi said and placed a kiss on the back of Tsukishima's neck.  
  
”If only I had known you're such a helpless romantic I would have gotten something for you,” Tsukishima joked, turned around and kissed the sheepy smile on Yamaguchi's face. Yamaguchi chuckled, put his hands on each side of Tsukishima's face and kissed him once, twice, thrice.  
  
”I'm easy to please,” Yamaguchi said with a wink, his thumb tracing Tsukishima's cheekbone. ”Actually, are you free this Sunday? I might need help with something. You can think of it as a present to me.”  
  
-~-  
  
”You've baked.”  
  
”I haven't seen Shouyou in two weeks. Two! And school is stressing me out,” Yamaguchi explained when he locked his apartment's door and put the keys in the pocket of his jacket. He was carrying a white box what Tsukishima had gotten very familiar with since the two of them got to know each other.  
  
”I think it would've been weird if you hadn't done anything.”  
  
”My thoughts exactly.”  
  
The cold wind made the skin on Tsukishima's cheeks and the tip of his nose prickle as they walked to the train station. There was an unpleasant feeling of nervousness sitting at the bottom of his stomach, but Tsukishima tried his best at ignoring it. He always got a little bit anxious when he was supposed to meet new people, even though he had technically met Hinata before and, according to Yamaguchi, Kageyama was actually a lot nicer than his expressionless demeanor implied.  
  
When Yamaguchi had told Tsukishima he was going to his best friend's new place to help with a small painting job and assembling the last of some new furniture, and then had proceeded to ask Tsukishima to join him, the blond's initial response had been distress. He knew he had to meet Hinata again at some point but for some reason he was _terrified_. He hadn't told Yamaguchi about what Hinata had told him, mostly because Yamaguchi seemed reluctant to talk about his past relationships. Obviously Tsukishima wanted to know what Hinata had meant but he wanted Yamaguchi to open up to him on his own accord – he could wait.  
  
He could always wait if it had something to do with Yamaguchi.  
  
”You alright?” Tsukishima blinked and nodded even though he knew it wasn't enough to convince Yamaguchi. The train around them was surprisingly silent, the chilly Sunday afternoon keeping most people inside. Yamaguchi drummed his fingertips against the box on his lap and glanced at Tsukishima from the corner of his eye. ”You don't have to be nervous.”  
  
”I'm not nervous,” Tsukishima lied. ”I just didn't sleep well last night.”  
  
”You've met Shouyou before, right? He thinks you're cool, no matter what you think of him. You'll get along with Kageyama too, I'm sure.”  
  
”You don't get along with him.”  
  
Yamaguchi bit his bottom lip and Tsukishima wanted to cut his own tongue off. ”That's not exactly true. We do get along, we just... aren't close. Kageyama, he... he's a good guy. He only wants the best for everyone but he doesn't always know how to express it,” Yamaguchi said. ”Reminds me of someone else I know.”  
  
”I have no idea what you're talking about.”  
  
”I'm sorry,” Yamaguchi laughed, not actually sounding repentant. ”Kageyama doesn't always know how to see things from other's point of view, if that makes sense? He has always loved Shouyou and Shouyou has always loved him back, and maybe that's why he doesn't understand how hard relationships can be.” The look on Yamaguchi's face made Tsukishima's heart ache: he wanted to pull the other boy against his chest and hold him until the last trace of pain had disappeared from his eyes. Tsukishima shifted his hand to put it on top of Yamaguchi's, but he decided against it when the train's doors slid open and new passengers stepped in.  
  
”Yamaguchi, I–”  
  
”Don't worry, I'm over it. And Kageyama's over it. We're fine, everything's fine,” Yamaguchi said, the smile that made suns explode in Tsukishima's chest back on its place. ”Everything's fine.”  
  
~  
  
”You've baked!” Hinata was as loud as Tsukishima remembered when he let the two of them inside the apartment. He took the box from Yamaguchi and talked continuously as his guests took off their jackets and shoes. When he began telling a story about the volleyball game he went to with the team he coached, Tsukishima tuned out of the conversation and let his eyes study the place.  
  
The apartment was definitely bigger than Tsukishima's own, but still cozy and not too spacious: it had big windows and white walls, only a mismatched pile of pieces of furniture spread in the middle of the living room area hinting the residents were still trying to settle down.  
  
After getting used to Hinata's voice and actually meeting Kageyama (they exchanged nods as Yamaguchi introduced them to each other), Tsukishima was starting to feel less nervous. Hinata made coffee, they spent an hour eating the cake Yamaguchi had baked the night before and talking about work, the cold weather and upcoming sport events, and suddenly Tsukishima found himself sitting on the floor holding pieces of a chair and trying to explain Hinata they were definitely missing a screw.  
  
”You're full of shit! There's like three million screws here,” Hinata exclaimed, rummaging through a small plastic bag full of screws of different shapes and sizes.  
  
”Yes, but this requires a special one. See, so it can hold these two pieces together,” Tsukishima explained, trying to make Hinata understand he was trying to argue with a physics major about the laws of nature.  
  
”Aargh, I'm sure I've seen one that fits there! And don't you _dare_ to laugh at us,” Hinata said and shook the bag of screws at Yamaguchi who was standing on the other side of the room with Kageyama, already a splatter of white paint on his cheek.  
  
”I swear I'm not laughing at you. Did you check under the table?” Yamaguchi suggested, obviously trying hard to put on a serious face. Hinata dived under the table and Tsukishima threw a helpless look at Yamaguchi, giving the other boy a laughing fit.  
  
Hinata managed to find the right screw (it had rolled under the table without them noticing), and after he pointed out it wasn't the living room's walls that needed painting but the bedroom's, Yamaguchi and Kageyama left the two of them alone with the furniture. Tsukishima managed to assemble a complete chair before Hinata broke the silence.  
  
”Yama-chan's happy.” He put the screwdriver down and glanced at Tsukishima. ”He's happy with you.”  
  
”I hope so,” Tsukishima said slowly, trying not to look at Hinata.  
  
”I _know_ so. He keeps saying you're a good guy and I really want to agree with him,” Hinata said, his voice silent. The blond looked up and met a pair of intense eyes. ”Don't hurt him, Tsukishima.”  
  
”I won't.”  
  
”He's nice, I know he's nice. Probably too nice for his own good. You take advantage of that and you're in big trouble,” Hinata said, huffed out a small laugh and looked down, a desperate look on his face. ”I'm happy for you two, for _him_ , but I'm... I guess I'm scared.”  
  
”I won't take advantage of him.”  
  
”You better mean that because I can't handle seeing my best friend getting his heart broken again.” The smile Hinata gave to Tsukishima was small, soft and vulnerable but he was quick to change it to a big and carefree one. He picked up the screwdriver, tossed the bag of screws to Tsukishima and challenged him into a race of speed-assembling.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the thing is that I finished writing the last chapter a couple of days ago, so which one do you guys prefer: updates once a week (on Thursdays) or possibly twice a week? (I've been thinking of Mondays and Thursdays.) Tell me what you think~
> 
> [tumblr](http://sleepyams.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/vilmahenriika)


	10. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always: thank you, thank you, thank you for your comments, kudos and subscribes - means the world to me! /u\
> 
> I'm actually so nervous about posting this chapter that for a moment I considered not posting it at all, but I decided to face my fears. It's an important chapter to me for many reasons.
> 
> Two things you might want to consider before reading:  
> 1\. There's an E-rated smut scene. If that's not your thing, you can skip from ' ”Are you seriously asking?” he teased. ' to ' ”It's late. Stay the night?” '  
> 2\. There's brief mentions of emotional, physical & sexual abuse as well as suicidal thoughts. They're just mentioned and not discussed any further, but I know those topics can be upsetting.
> 
> Chapter title: Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

”I need to tell you something.”  
  
Three pairs of curious eyes followed Bokuto when he sat down, his brows in an anxious frown. He stared at his hands, wringing them on his lap, opening his mouth and then closing it again. Kuroo, who was sitting next to him, looked absolutely terrified and Yamaguchi changed a worried look with Tsukishima.  
  
”The thing is, you know, well...”  
  
”Yeah?”  
  
”It's not that big of a deal actually, I don't know why I'm so nervous, it's just, I don't really know how to say this...”  
  
”C'mon Bokuto!”  
  
”Me and Akaashi–, well, we, I mean Akaashi and I, we... we're dating. Kinda.” The silence that fell over the table kept stretching and stretching. Bokuto was unable to raise his eyes while the other three couldn't help but stare at him.  
  
”Is that... some kind of news?” Bokuto's big eyes were full of confusion when he blinked them at Yamaguchi. Tsukishima and Kuroo's focus slowly shifted to the freckled boy as well, who just shrugged. ”I mean, I thought you two were... all this time, I– oh man. Congratulations!”  
  
Kuroo threw his arm around Bokuto's shoulders, a huge smile on his face. ”Bro! My man! Finally! Took you long enough, geez,” he shook his head as Bokuto's uneasy expression slowly changed into a relieved one. He laughed and wrapped his arms around Kuroo, pulling the other boy into a tight hug.  
  
”I'm so happy! I just, oh my god, Akaashi wanted to talk to me and he just – he just confessed and man, my boyfriend is _gorgeous_. Have you seen him? Kuroo, I think I'm in love,” Bokuto said without taking a breath between the words. Kuroo's laugh was loud and happy as he patted Bokuto on the back and messed up his hair with his hand, the couple sitting across the loud best friends exchanging small smiles as they intertwined their fingers under the table.  
  
-~-  
  
_From: Yamaguchi ☆_  
_3/2_  
[23:12] (1 Image attached)  
[23:12] Tsukki, look! So pretty! Made me think of you!  
  
Tsukishima read the message, rolling his eyes at the nickname Yamaguchi had started to use of him, and clicked open the attached image. It was a little blurry, clearly taken through the window of a moving train. The train's yellow lights reflected from the window, making the picture look even more shaky. However, in the middle of the night sky, shining between the tall buildings, was almost perfect full moon. Its edges were blurry, probably because of the low quality of the picture, but Tsukishima understood Yamaguchi's point.  
  
It _was_ beautiful.  
  
Tsukishima read over the message Yamaguchi had typed and hummed. He wanted to find a way to send the light of the brightest stars and the feeling of the warmest sunrays on the first days of summer to Yamaguchi and tell him that's how he made Tsukishima feel. He stared at the shaky picture of the moon, taken through a dirty window of a train packed with late night passengers, and wondered could he ever learn to be the sun instead.  
  
_To: Yamaguchi_ _☆_[](https://twitter.com/vilmahenriika) __  
_3/2_  
_[23:15] Looks good. Too bad you can't see the stars in the city._  
  
From: Yamaguchi _☆_ __  
3/2  
_[23:16] !! But you can!!!!_  
  
Tsukishima frowned at the message, the ridiculous amount of exclamation marks and content that didn't actually make any sense confusing him. Everybody knew it was impossible to see the stars in a big city like Tokyo, it was a miracle to even see the moon every now and then. Tsukishima read the message once more in case he missed something important, came to the conclusion Yamaguchi was probably just being his sweet, weird self, and put his phone away. Both of them had a day off tomorrow, Tsukishima could ask about the message when both of them had had a good night's sleep.  
  
Tsukishima had already changed into his nightwear and was about to switch off the last light he had on when there was a series of sharp knocks against his front door. For a second Tsukishima was sure someone was just trying to harass him but when the knocks got more demanding the blond walked to the door and unlocked it.  
  
”Take your keys!” Yamaguchi leaned against the doorframe and tried to catch his breath, his cheeks pink from running. His usual ponytail was even messier than most of the time and his eyes were bright even though he had just finished a late-night shift.  
  
”Yamaguchi, it's almost midni–”  
  
”The keys, Tsukki! Hurry up, would you?” The blond did as he was told and the moment he came back to the doorframe with his keys, Yamaguchi took his hand and dragged him out of the apartment, throwing the door shut behind them. Tsukishima didn't even have shoes on and he was glad to notice Yamaguchi was taking him upstairs instead of running down the stairs.  
  
Yamaguchi managed to fumble open the door to his apartment while still holding Tsukishima's hand and they scrambled into the dark apartment. Yamaguchi kicked his shoes off, not exactly looking where they landed, and didn't let go of Tsukishima's hand as he ran through the apartment to his bedroom.  
  
”Yamaguchi, what the hell?”  
  
”The stars! I had totally forgotten but you reminded me, it's here somewhere...”, Yamaguchi said, leaving Tsukishima standing alone in the middle of the bedroom when he opened the closet in the corner of the room and practically dived into it. Tsukishima watched as Yamaguchi placed boxes full of CD-cases on the floor, got two huge books out of the closet and – after a rattle that didn't exactly sound safe and Yamaguchi assuring he was fine even though Tsukishima didn't quite believe him – came back to the blond holding a small box.  
  
Yamaguchi put the box on the floor, shrugged his leather jacket off and threw it on his bed when he walked to the window. He pulled the curtains together in front of it, making sure the room was completely dark. He gave a quick kiss on Tsukishima's lips when passing him and sat down on the floor, gesturing the blond to join him.  
  
Tsukishima was more amused than worried of Yamaguchi's actions and sat down next to him, watching how he took something that looked like a lamp out of the box. He placed the object on the floor between them and clicked the little switch on the base of it, an excited smile on his face.  
  
The lamp, as Tsukishima had correctly identified it, projected hundreds and hundreds of constellations on the bedroom walls. The light it illuminated was bright enough to light up the room and Yamaguchi laughed when Tsukishima's eyes scanned the room – suddenly he remembered the cold winter nights he had spent standing outside with his brother, Akiteru pointing out the clusters of stars and teaching their names to him.  
  
”Told you it's possible to see the stars in the city,” Yamaguchi said, crossed his legs and looked around the room. Tsukishima huffed out a baffled laugh and looked at Yamaguchi, the bright constellations the lamp projected dancing with the fainter, natural ones on his face. There was a soft smile on his lips and even surrounded by actual stars he managed to be the brightest one.  
  
”Can I kiss you?” Yamaguchi blinked once, twice, and then rolled his eyes.  
  
”Are you seriously asking?” he teased. Tsukishima shifted so they were sitting closer to each other, put his hands on each side of Yamaguchi's face and closed the distance between them. Yamaguchi smiled against his lips before answering to the kiss, slightly tilting his head for a better angle. He rested his hand on Tsukishima's thigh and sighed when the blond pressed more firmly against him. Tsukishima undid Yamaguchi's already messy ponytail and ran his fingers through his hair, feeling how the other boy shivered from the touch.  
  
As the kiss got deeper Tsukishima carefully slid the unbuttoned plaid flannel shirt off Yamaguchi's shoulders and put his hands behind the other boy's neck, pulling him closer. Yamaguchi shrugged the shirt to the floor, his fingers curling around the hem of Tsukishima's sweater, their lips pliable against each other.  
  
Tsukishima broke the kiss to take his glasses off. He placed them on the floor on top of Yamaguchi's flannel and kissed the sensitive skin right under Yamaguchi's ear. The other boy sighed, his breathing getting heavier as the blond left open-mouthed kisses on his neck. He hooked his finger over the collar of Yamaguchi's worn out T-shirt and pulled it down to nibble at his collarbones. The fingers curled around the hem of Tsukishima's sweater tugged the shirt upwards and Tsukishima took the cue, letting Yamaguchi pull the shirt over his head.  
  
Yamaguchi tossed the sweater away and took off his own T-shirt, the pile of clothes on the floor growing. Tsukishima pulled him into a messy kiss, Yamaguchi answering to the kiss as greedily. He tipped his head back as Tsukishima placed his mouth back on his collarbones, silently whimpering when the blond's teeth scraped the thin skin. Yamaguchi's fingers slid into Tsukishima's hair, his grip of the light curls tightening as Tsukishima worked a small bruise on the junction of his neck and shoulder.  
  
The skin of Yamaguchi's bare chest was warm under Tsukishima's fingertips, the blond physically feeling the violent shiver going through Yamaguchi when Tsukishima ran a thumb over his nipple. Tsukishima looked at the small bruises he had made on Yamaguchi's neck, the slowly darkening marks looking like galaxies under the bright stars dancing around the room. Yamaguchi pressed his forehead against Tsukishima's, his eyes closed and breathing erratic.  
  
”I want you _so_ bad.” Yamaguchi sounded sorry, like he was ashamed of himself. He ran his fingers through Tsukishima's hair over and over again, biting his lip, afraid to directly look at the blond. When the meaning of the words hit Tsukishima's consciousness his heart skipped a beat, the sparks heating the bottom of his stomach bursting into real flames.  
  
”I... I haven't before...”  
  
”Been with a guy? It's alright,” Yamaguchi said, placing a gentle kiss on Tsukishima's forehead. ”We don't have to–”  
  
”No. I want to.” Yamaguchi blinked, the constellations from the star projector shining in his dilated pupils. The look on his face went from surprised to soft, and the next kiss he placed on Tsukishima's lips was gentle yet full of passion.  
  
”Just tell me if you get uncomfortable, okay? And we'll stop,” Yamaguchi said, his eyes serious and voice breathless. Tsukishima wanted to say how he was more worried of Yamaguchi getting hurt or uncomfortable, but he couldn't get the words out. Instead he just nodded and stood up, helping the other boy up from the floor as well.  
  
Yamaguchi pulled Tsukishima into another kiss, his hands firmly behind the blond's neck. Tsukishima wrapped his arms around the other boy's waist as the kiss got deeper and the excruciating tingle of nervousness flickered in his chest. As if Yamaguchi could feel his heartbeat getting faster, he broke the kiss and placed his hands on Tsukishima's chest, giving the blond a small smile.  
  
”Don't worry. It's just me,” he said with a light chuckle and intertwined their fingers, leading Tsukishima to the bed. The blond sat down on the edge of it and Yamaguchi settled astride his lap, crushing their lips together. The weight of Yamaguchi on his half-hard dick was enough to make Tsukishima dizzy, especially when Yamaguchi licked deeper into his mouth and rocked his hips against the blond's. Tsukishima couldn't stop a soft whine escaping from his throat, and that only encouraged Yamaguchi to grind harder against him.  
  
Tsukishima cursed under his breath and bit his lip, Yamaguchi's hands heavy on his shoulders. He could feel their hard-ons pressing against each other through the fabric of their pants, and Yamaguchi placing wet kisses on his neck didn't actually help with his attempts at ignoring the waves of pleasure.  
  
”Just a moment, okay?” Tsukishima nodded and followed Yamaguchi with his eyes as he went back to the closet he had pulled the star projector out of earlier. This time he found quickly what he was looking for, and placed a tiny bottle and a square package on the bedside table before picking his jacket up from the bed, dropping it on the floor with their shirts.  
  
Tsukishima watched him, constellations on his skin and hair, and for a second the whole moment felt unreal. Tsukishima reached for Yamaguchi's hand and pulled him closer, gently helping him to lay down on the bed. Yamaguchi studied him with dark eyes and gave a content sigh against Tsukishima's lips when he pressed them against Yamaguchi's.  
  
Tsukishima climbed on top of Yamaguchi and kissed him again, running his tongue over the other boy's lower lip before taking it between his teeth and tugging gently. Yamaguchi gasped, his breathing getting heavier as Tsukishima started kissing his neck instead. The blond worked his way down on Yamaguchi's neck, not being able to resist the need to make another little bruise, before running his tongue over his right nipple.  
  
Tsukishima shivered from the soft whines Yamaguchi made, his fingertips drawing light patterns on the tanned skin. He reached the button of Yamaguchi's jeans and Yamaguchi jerked his hips up on the moment Tsukishima hooked a finger over the waistband.  
  
”Ah, Tsukki–!”  
  
”I know,” Tsukishima said, his voice thick. His fingers shook when he unbuttoned Yamaguchi's jeans, but he wasn't sure was it because of his nerves or because of the burning anticipation taking over every cell in his body. Yamaguchi lifted his hips and Tsukishima helped him out of his jeans, the obvious bulge covered by his underwear making Tsukishima's cock twitch in his own pants.  
  
Tsukishima pressed his lips on the skin under Yamaguchi's navel and traced the outline of his erection with his palm. Yamaguchi moaned underneath him, visibly struggling to stay still. Tsukishima glanced at the other boy, looking how he bit his lip, his hands thrown over his eyes. Tsukishima frowned, settled himself on Yamaguchi's stomach and pried his hands away.  
  
”Hey, it's just me,” Tsukishima said, quoting the other boy's earlier words. ”Just tell me if I'm doing something wrong or if it hurts, okay?” The openly puzzled look on Yamaguchi's face wasn't far from shattering Tsukishima's heart, his brows furrowing for a second in confusion before he visibly relaxed under the blond, even his fingers unclenching.  
  
Tsukishima let go of Yamaguchi's wrists before kissing him, the touch soft and reassuring. Yamaguchi ran his thumbs along Tsukishima's cheekbones and gave him a nod after the kiss, the nervousness in the blond's chest slightly easing off. Tsukishima slid his hand down on Yamaguchi's chest, and watched how he closed his eyes with a content sigh when the blond's hand reached the waistband of his underwear. Tsukishima slowly palmed Yamaguchi through the fabric, his soft whines making the blond's own pants feel even tighter.  
  
Tsukishima carefully took off Yamaguchi's last piece of clothing, shamelessly looking at the boy laying on the bed. Yamaguchi met his eyes and blinked slowly, the stars floating around the room bright enough to reveal the light blush on his face. Tsukishima kissed the corner of his mouth, knowing the sight of Yamaguchi covered in stars would never leave his mind, and hummed at the pleased sigh Yamaguchi gave when the blond wrapped his fingers around his erection.  
  
Tsukishima worked his hand up and down slowly, every now and then running his thumb over the slit on the tip, Yamaguchi's sharp inhales making the flames inside him scorching hot. Tsukishima kissed Yamaguchi again, the touch slightly off-centered, keeping the pace of his strokes steady. The boy underneath him placed his hands on the blond's waist and traced his sharp hipbones with his fingertips before slipping a hand into the loose sweatpants.  
  
” _Fuck_ ,” Tsukishima cursed, feeling Yamaguchi's breathy laugh against his cheek. Yamaguchi was tugging Tsukishima's pants down with his right hand while his left hand was firmly stroking the blond's dick. Tsukishima wasn't sure what was making him more dizzy: Yamaguchi's tongue against his own or the movements of their hands.  
  
Tsukishima knew he would be able to reach his edge just by letting Yamaguchi continue doing what he had started but something in him was desperate for more. He placed a haste kiss on Yamaguchi's collarbone before shifting on the bed to get rid of the rest of his clothes. Tsukishima met Yamaguchi's eyes when he settled back on the bed, the same burning that was taking over every inch of the blond's body sparking in the dark eyes studying him.  
  
”Alright?” Tsukishima asked, his voice low. There was a hint of a smile on Yamaguchi's face when he nodded and got a pillow to place under his hips as Tsukishima reached for the bottle of lube on the table. The ugly tingle of nervousness and anxiety was trying to crawl up on him, and Yamaguchi looking at him with half-lidded eyes wasn't enough to ease up the blond's nerves – quite the opposite, actually.  
  
”You alright?” Tsukishima warmed the lubricant between his fingers and glanced at the boy laying on the bed. He nodded slowly.  
  
”I don't want to do something wrong,” he mumbled, the sudden heat on his face more embarrassing than his hesitation.  
  
”Go slowly at first. There's not much you _can_ do wrong but I'll say if you do, okay?” Yamaguchi's tone was far from teasing or amused, the soft look in his eyes making Tsukishima's heart melt. The blond nodded again, this time with a little bit more confidence, and after circling Yamaguchi's hole a couple of times with his index finger, slowly pushed it in.  
  
Tsukishima could feel how Yamaguchi's body tensed for a moment before he relaxed, his eyes fluttering close with a small sigh. The blond kept his movements gentle, moving his finger in and out in a steady rhythm. Listening to Yamaguchi's soft gasps, especially after Tsukishima pushed in another finger, was making the blond bite down his own whimpers – he didn't want to miss a single sound the other boy made.  
  
” _Yes_ ,” Yamaguchi panted when Tsukishima curled and twisted the fingers inside him, his pace gradually growing faster. The blond was aching to add a third finger, draw more pleased sounds out of Yamaguchi, feel _more_. Yamaguchi rolled his hips to get Tsukishima's fingers deeper inside himself and inhaled sharply when the blond teased him with another finger. Tsukishima wanted to give Yamaguchi what he was silently asking, but he knew rushing now wasn't an option. The blond was careful with his movements when getting the third finger in, the uncomfortable expression on Yamaguchi's face making him even more cautious.  
  
”Does it hurt?” Yamaguchi shook his head and opened his eyes, giving Tsukishima a small smile.  
  
”I'll get used to it in a minute. You're doing _so_ great,” Yamaguchi said, his voice weak. He ran his hand through his hair and moaned when Tsukishima moved his fingers inside him. The blond kept his eyes on Yamaguchi as he settled on a slow rhythm, their silent gasps filling the air turning into louder whines after a while. Yamaguchi jerked his hips up and moaned something that resembled Tsukishima's given name, the sound of it making the blond feel dizzy with pure want.  
  
”Are you... are you still sure about this?” Tsukishima panted as he pulled his fingers out, the act making Yamaguchi whine in displeasure. The blond didn't get a chance to move another muscle before the other boy yanked him into a messy kiss, his teeth nipping at the blond's lips.  
  
”Fuck yes, please, just... please,” Yamaguchi rambled against Tsukishima's mouth, his chest heaving and fingertips tapping against the back of the blond's neck. He blinked slowly, his pupils blown, the brightly shining constellations around the room reflecting from them. The sight made Tsukishima shiver, heated anticipation taking over his body, and he pressed a firm kiss on Yamaguchi's mouth before reaching for the condom on the bedside table and preparing himself.  
  
Tsukishima felt like every cell in his body got set on fire when he gradually pushed inside Yamaguchi. He wasn't sure which gasp and moan came from him and which belonged to Yamaguchi; he felt like he was in a feverish haze, even his fingertips sparking with pleasure. Tsukishima cursed under his breath when Yamaguchi took the last inch of his length and gripped his shoulder, blunt nails burying into the pale skin.  
  
”Everything okay?” Tsukishima managed to breathe out, his skin on fire and mind turning blank.  
  
”Feels good, feels _amazing_ , you're amazing Tsukki, oh my god–!” Yamaguchi's loud moans were like music to Tsukishima's ears as he carefully moved, pulling out before thrusting back in. The blond could feel Yamaguchi's muscles clenching around him, the nails pressed on his skin leaving marks deep enough to be there the next morning.  
  
Yamaguchi whimpered and carded his hands through the blond strands when Tsukishima's pace got faster, the yanking of his hair telling Tsukishima he was definitely doing something right. He thrust in, grinding his hips to get deeper, and could physically feel Yamaguchi falling apart underneath him. Tsukishima could feel his arms trembling with both exhaustion and pleasure, but the sounds Yamaguchi made and the rough touches of his nails on the blond's bare skin were enough to make him forget everything that wasn't the white-hot tingle burning his spine.  
  
Tsukishima shifted to change the angle of his thrusts, feel the hotness of Yamaguchi's body around him better, and the act made the other boy moan louder than before. He hooked his leg behind Tsukishima's back to pull him closer and tugged the hair on the nape of his neck hard enough for it to hurt if Tsukishima had been in his full senses. Tsukishima shivered from the touch, in the back of his mind wondering how Yamaguchi always knew the exact ways to make him crumble to pieces. Another thrust, another sweet sound from Yamaguchi, and every thought that wasn't about Yamaguchi and his voice left Tsukishima's mind.  
  
”Right there, you're doing so great, don't stop now,” Yamaguchi pleaded, his hips jerking to meet Tsukishima's.  
  
”Tadashi–”  
  
”Fuck, _yes_ ,” Yamaguchi cried out, his hands travelling up and down on Tsukishima's hot skin. He pulled the blond into a kiss, their tongues brushing greedily against each other, and Tsukishima didn't need to open his eyes to see stars anymore.  
  
”Oh god, Tadashi, I'm–!”  
  
”Kei, Kei, _Kei_ ,” Yamaguchi moaned, his breathing hot against Tsukishima's neck. ”Go on, please, right there–!” The rest of Yamaguchi's words turned into an inexplicable gibberish as he stroked his heavily leaking dick, the rhythm of Tsukishima's thrusts getting erratic. He gasped, Yamaguchi's given name on the tip of his tongue, and with a final thrust came inside the other boy as he reached his edge at the exact same time with a trembling moan.  
  
Tsukishima felt strengthless and he rested his head on the junction of Yamaguchi's neck and shoulder, the almost violent aftershocks of pleasure making their bodies shiver against each other. Yamaguchi ran his fingers through Tsukishima's hair and petted the back of his neck with his fingertips, the soft touch calming yet almost painful on the blond's oversensitive skin.  
  
Tsukishima came slowly back to his senses, his body sticky with sweat and thoughts barely coherent. He pulled himself carefully out of Yamaguchi and gathered the leftovers of his energy to sit up on the edge of the bed. Yamaguchi shifted on the bed and managed to stand up, offering his hand to the blond to help him get on his feet as well. They walked through the dark bedroom, walls and ceiling covered in clusters of stars, and cleaned themselves up in the bathroom.  
  
”You alright?” Yamaguchi asked when Tsukishima was done with washing his hands. There was an anxious undertone in Yamaguchi's voice which Tsukishima wanted to cram in a small box and send away. He turned and wrapped his arms around the other boy, pulling him close and resting his chin on top of his head.  
  
”I'm good,” he answered and placed a kiss on the crown of Yamaguchi's head, feeling how the other boy nudged his neck with his nose and didn't let him break the embrace. It took a moment from the blond to realize something was off. ”Are you crying?”  
  
”...Yeah.” A cold, unpleasant chill ran down on Tsukishima's spine and he forced Yamaguchi to look at him. There were tears on his cheeks, Tsukishima drying them with his thumbs.  
  
”What's wrong? Are you hurt?” Yamaguchi shook his head and smiled through the tears, the ugly panic in the blond's chest easing out.  
  
”I'm not hurt. It didn't hurt _at all_ ,” Yamaguchi marveled, his awestruck tone confusing Tsukishima. He laughed, his voice still a little bit weak, and placed a soft kiss on the blond's lips. ”It's late. Stay the night?”  
  
-~-  
  
When Tsukishima opened his eyes, he felt like he had slept for days. His eyelids were heavy, and the warm bed didn't exactly help him to wake up. He rubbed his eyes and squinted, scanning the room for his glasses. The clock on the bedside table told him it was already early afternoon, and next to a star projector on the floor was a messy pile of clothes, his glasses on top of it. Tsukishima sighed but silently accepted his fate of having blurry vision for a little longer.  
  
He turned on his side and couldn't stop a soft smile spreading on his face when his eyes settled on the boy sleeping next to him. Yamaguchi was laying on his stomach, the comforter slid down around his hips, revealing his shirtless back. He was still fast asleep, looking so incredibly gorgeous Tsukishima felt a pleasant tug in his chest.  
  
The blond pinched his eyebrows together in concentration and put the tip of his index finger on top of a small freckle on Yamaguchi's back. He drew invisible lines with his finger between the freckles on the other boy's back, connecting the dots like he used to do on dozens of worksheets when he was small. He got all the way down on the other boy's back before he stirred under Tsukishima's finger, screwing his eyes shut as an attempt to fall back asleep.  
  
”Tickles,” Yamaguchi mumbled and blinked one eye open, his cheek pressed against a pillow. Tsukishima ran his finger up on Yamaguchi's spine and spread his palm between his shoulder blades, the skin under his hand warm.  
  
”Sorry for waking you up.”  
  
”It's fine,” Yamaguchi said, a sleepy smile on his face. His eyes studied Tsukishima as the blond followed a trail of freckles down his arm and completed his quest by intertwining their fingers. ”I'm sorry for crying last night.”  
  
Tsukishima shook his head. ”Don't worry about it.”  
  
”It freaked you out, didn't it?”  
  
”A little, yeah,” Tsukishima confessed. Yamaguchi huffed out a small laugh, his eyes locked on their hands laced together.  
  
”I didn't mean to. It's just... It seriously was my first time when it didn't hurt,” Yamaguchi said, his brows furrowed. ”I couldn't believe you constantly made sure I was alright, even though I guess that's how it's supposed to be.”  
  
”You 'guess'?” Yamaguchi was now clearly afraid to meet Tsukishima's eyes. He bit his lip and hummed, his thumb brushing against the blond's hand.  
  
”I... haven't been that lucky with relationships. Shouyou says it's because I refuse to think badly of other people, but I think it's because I have a need to feel important.”  
  
”Nothing wrong in that.”  
  
”The guys I've dated haven't really been good ones, or that's what Shouyou says. The first one was alright but in the end I let him do anything to me, hurt me and stuff, just because he kept saying how he needed me. He cheated on me, though,” Yamaguchi said, a hint of sadness in his voice. Tsukishima squeezed his hand, the want to hold the other boy growing inside him.  
  
”Good you got rid of him, then.”  
  
”Yeah, I met this other guy kinda quickly after I broke up with him so I wasn't sad, not really. He was... nice at first but then he got scary in a way. He, you know, forced me to do things I didn't want to do. Back then I really, _really_ just... wanted to die. Get away from him but he just didn't let me. No one believed me when I told them what he did, and I didn't want the days at school to end because I knew what he would do at nights. But at the same time I was... I needed him because he made me feel important, if that makes sense? He beat me up a couple of times and when Kageyama found out he just snapped, he yelled at the guy for an hour about polices and everything,” Yamaguchi said, a sad amusement in his voice. He blinked away the tears in the corners of his eyes and smiled. ”I was _so_ mad at Kageyama back then.”  
  
”That's why you and Kageyama aren't in good terms now, then?”  
  
”Yeah. I was blind of so many things back then,” Yamaguchi whispered and finally looked up at Tsukishima. ”I'm so scared of fucking up again.”  
  
”Listen. You didn't fuck up back then with those guys, okay? It wasn't you. And you would never fuck this up. Never,” Tsukishima said and pressed his lips on Yamaguchi's knuckles. There was a deep, dark sadness swimming in Tsukishima's chest and he couldn't even imagine how deep and dark Yamaguchi's pain was. He kissed Yamaguchi's forehead and caught a lone tear from his cheek.  
  
Tsukishima was in love, and that terrified him more than anything else.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have ever faced some kind of abuse in your life, please talk about it. It's a scary topic to talk about and going back to those times and memories can be super hard. Same with suicidal thoughts - please don't be alone with those terrible thoughts. If any of you need someone to talk to, I'm here.
> 
> Stay safe, I love you all <3
> 
> [tumblr](http://sleepyams.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/vilmahenriika)


	11. You don't have to say I love you to say I love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10 got a great response even though I was really nervous about posting it and letting you all read it. Thank you so, so much!
> 
> This chapter was beta-read by the great [swissychan](http://swissychan.tumblr.com/), I could not thank you enough!! ;u;
> 
> Chapter title: Troye Sivan - for him.

Since spring was probably the busiest time of the school year for students, Tsukishima loved nothing more than waking up on a Sunday morning and knowing he could wrap his arms tighter around the boy sharing the bed with him, close his eyes and go back to sleep without worrying about missing an important class or spending 10 hours of his day on the campus.  
  
That's why he wasn't exactly thrilled when the shrill noise of the doorbell rang through the apartment.  
  
Tsukishima's initial response was to ignore the sound altogether. He buried his face on the back of Yamaguchi's neck and squeezed his eyes shut tighter.  
  
”The door, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi mumbled, his voice muffled by the pillow.  
  
”Why can't you go?”  
  
”It's your apartment, you open the door,” was Yamaguchi's argument to Tsukishima's weak attempt to stay in bed. The blond sighed, groaned when the ringing of the doorbell got more demanding and forced himself out of the bed, seeing from the corner of his eye how Yamaguchi shifted on the bed to take up as much space as he could. He put his glasses on and ran his hand through his messy hair, angry words on his tongue to spit on the person who had the guts to wake him up.  
  
”Good morning, Kei!” Every single thought the blond had had escaped from him when he saw who was behind his door.  
  
”What are you doing here?”  
  
”We came to Tokyo yesterday to do some shopping for the wedding, and decided to surprise you with breakfast!” Akiteru said, shaking the plastic bag full of groceries in his hand. Saki hid her laugh behind her hand, not even looking sorry for waking Kei up.  
  
”You could've, like, called beforehand,” Kei mumbled, suddenly very conscious of the deep-purple bruise on his neck Yamaguchi had made there the night before. Akiteru seemed to have noticed the mark too, and his smile changed into a mischievous one.  
  
”Do you happen to have someone over?” Akiteru asked with a sly smile, trying to look into the apartment over Tsukishima's shoulder.  
  
”Yeah, kinda.”  
  
”Great! Go wake him up, we'll start cooking!” Akiteru said and sneaked in the apartment under his brother's arm, his fiancée following his example. Tsukishima closed the door with a heavy sigh and let the couple take over his kitchen, walking back to the bedroom himself.  
  
”Who was it?” Yamaguchi asked from the middle of the bed, his eyes bleary. He sat up and ran a hand through his messy hair, yawning. Tsukishima wanted to leave his guests in the kitchen and spend the rest of his day in bed cuddling his _way too cute_ boyfriend.  
  
”Do you want the good news or the bad news first?”  
  
Yamaguchi frowned. ”Good news?”  
  
”You don't have to worry about breakfast this morning,” the blond said, the expression on Yamaguchi's face turning more and more confused.  
  
”And what's the bad news?”  
  
”My brother and his fiancée are here.” Yamaguchi groaned, throwing the blanket over himself. Tsukishima raised an amused eyebrow as Yamaguchi shifted under the comforter, wrapping it around his shoulders. His hair was even messier when he finally settled, the huge blanket around him like some sort of nest.  
  
”I'm not sure am I ready to meet your family yet, Tsukki,” he said with a pout. The blond sat down on the bed next to him and sighed.  
  
”Trust me, I didn't invite them. It's just my brother, though,” he said, trying to sound assertive. ”He's annoying but... alright.”  
  
Yamaguchi huffed out a little laugh, wrapping the blanket tighter around himself. ”Now I'm nervous.”  
  
”Me too but it'll be okay,” Tsukishima said, tugging a corner of the blanket. ”C'mon.” Yamaguchi kept pouting when he looked at the blond, not eager to leave the comforts of the bed. Tsukishima raised a questioning eyebrow at him, and finally he sighed.  
  
”Yeah, yeah, okay... in five minutes,” Yamaguchi said quickly and fell backwards on the bed, dragging the huge blanket with him. Tsukishima groaned and rolled his eyes, amusement tugging at the corners of his mouth. He climbed further on the bed so he wasn't in danger of falling down over the edge, studied the messy pile of pillows and blankets, Yamaguchi under all of it, and managed to worm his hand under the mountain of covers.  
  
”Tsukki, _oh my god_ ,” Yamaguchi shrieked and squirmed when the blond spread his palm on his bare stomach. No matter what Tsukishima did, he always had cold hands and he had never been afraid of taking advantage of that. Yamaguchi, obviously, wasn't as pleased as the blond; Tsukishima laughed when Yamaguchi wriggled himself free from under the blankets, trying to shove Tsukishima's ice-cold fingertips away. The freckled boy managed to get on his feet, dragging the blanket with him, his hand around Tsukishima's wrist.  
  
”That was unfair,” he panted, the oversized T-shirt he slept in slipping off his right shoulder. Tsukishima hooked a finger of his free hand over the collar of Yamaguchi's nightshirt and made him bend down, pressing his teasing smile against the other boy's mouth.  
  
”Good morning, gorgeous,” the blond whispered against Yamaguchi's lips, and Tsukishima could almost hear Yamaguchi rolling his eyes. He messed the blond hair up with the hand not holding Tsukishima by the wrist and opened his mouth to say something when a terrified scream came from the kitchen, followed by a bubbling giggle.  
  
”Stop laughing at me! Kei, where the _hell_ do you keep your pans?” Tsukishima sighed and stood up, Yamaguchi finally letting go of him. After placing a quick kiss on Yamaguchi's forehead and assuring the other boy there was nothing to worry about, Tsukishima walked to the kitchen and hoped there actually was nothing to worry about.  
  
~  
  
Yamaguchi was easy to like, Tsukishima knew that much. The freckled boy was able to befriend anyone in five minutes, and after half an hour they had already fallen in love with him without even realizing it. Being charming was one of Yamaguchi's talents, and the best thing was that he was completely unaware of it himself.  
  
”I like him,” Akiteru said and took a freshly washed plate from his younger brother, drying it with a towel. They could hear Saki and Yamaguchi laughing over something on the couch, the voices of an early afternoon drama coming from the TV loud enough to make eavesdropping their conversation impossible.  
  
”Hmm-m,” Tsukishima answered, focused on scrubbing off a really stubborn stain from one of their breakfast plates.  
  
”He seems to like _you_ , what is a miracle in itself,” Akiteru teased, yelping in disgust when Tsukishima splashed some dirty dish water on him. ”I'm joking, joking.”  
  
”Akiteru, I...,” Tsukishima trailed off, his hands deep in the dirty water. He stared at the plate he was supposed to wash and could feel his chest tightening in something he couldn't quite place. He had been ridiculously nervous about introducing Yamaguchi to his brother and Saki even though he knew there had been nothing to be afraid of. Yamaguchi had opened his mouth and everybody in the apartment had gotten mesmerized by his bright smile and laugh that was made of real sunrays. He had managed to talk Akiteru out of cooking anything, preparing the breakfast with Saki as the Tsukishima brothers watched from the living room couch (Yamaguchi had threw an oversized hoodie on before coming out of the bedroom and the moment Tsukishima had realized the text on the back of the hoodie said _University of Tokyo – Physics Department_ his heart had skipped a beat).  
  
”You?” Akiteru helped, his worried gaze on his younger brother. Tsukishima took a deep breath, too nervous to look up from the sink, and worried his lower lip with his teeth.  
  
”I... I think I love him.” Tsukishima knew his voice had been silent and weak, and for a moment he wasn't sure had Akiteru even heard what he had said. He blinked and slowly turned to look at his brother who finished drying another plate and placed it on top of a pile of clean dishes. There was a small smile on his face and a soft look in his eyes.  
  
”That's good. I can see he makes you happy,” Akiteru said, glancing over his shoulder to see his fiancée and his brother's boyfriend in a deep conversation about something that – at least judged by their serious expressions – was at least as important as breathing. ”Hold on to that happiness, Kei. You deserve it.”  
  
-~-  
  
In the end Akiteru and Saki didn't leave until it got dark outside and Yamaguchi was yawning on the couch, curled in the corner with a fluffy blanket, falling in and out of sleep. The drama on the TV had changed into a bad action movie, and the loud sound effects of explosions filled the apartment when Tsukishima said goodbyes to Akiteru and his fiancée.  
  
”Mom and dad miss you. You should visit them more often,” Akiteru scolded, patting the pockets of his jacket to make sure he had all his belongings with him.  
  
”I've been busy with school and stuff,” Tsukishima said, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe when the couple stepped out of the apartment.  
  
”I know, I know. Mom talked to you about planning the wedding together next month, right?” Tsukishima nodded, remembering clearly the phone call from his mom, telling him it was _extremely important_ for him to attend a meeting about the wedding as well. ”You should bring Yamaguchi with you.”  
  
Tsukishima frowned. ”Why should I?”  
  
”You've been going out for some time already, haven't you? I doubt you've told mom and dad, though, at least they haven't said anything. They'd love him,” Akiteru said, emphasizing the word _love_.  
  
”Yeah, I guess we'll think about it,” Tsukishima said, the uneasy feeling of uncertainty boiling in his chest. Akiteru gave him a happy smile and after another goodbyes left with Saki, Tsukishima silently closing the door behind them. The blond sighed, surprisingly exhausted by the conversations he had had with his brother in the last couple of hours. He stretched his arms as he walked back to the living room, sitting on the couch next to Yamaguchi who was rubbing his eyes to feel less sleepy.  
  
”Are they driving back to Miyagi tonight?” he asked through a yawn, re-doing his messy ponytail.  
  
”Yeah, I guess so,” Tsukishima said, the mention of home making him suddenly feel sick.  
  
”I hope they drive safely, it's so dark already,” Yamaguchi mused, looking out of the window. He was still wearing Tsukishima's hoodie, basically drowning in the dark blue cotton, the sleeves long enough to swallow even the blond's arms without a single fingertip showing.  
  
”About Miyagi...”, Tsukishima started, seeing from the corner of his eye how Yamaguchi turned on the couch to look at him. ”Mom invited me over next month for, uh, wedding planning and stuff and... I kinda want to tell them. My parents.”  
  
”About us?”  
  
”About us.” Tsukishima wrung his hands on his lap, carefully glancing the boy sitting on the other end of the couch. Yamaguchi was staring the TV, the dramatic death scene reflecting from his eyes.  
  
”Are you sure that's a... a good idea?” Yamaguchi breathed out, his voice tight. Tsukishima inhaled deeply, his heart hammering painfully against his chest.  
  
”Honestly, I don't know. I don't know what they would say but I... I don't want to lie to them, or keep things from them. _Important_ things. It's scary but in the end they're my parents, and they've always supported me through everything. Akiteru doesn't believe they would freak out or something like that, and I agree with him. They're smart,” Tsukishima said, knowing Yamaguchi listened carefully to every single word coming out of his mouth even though his eyes were still focused on the TV screen.  
  
”You're in good terms with your family and I don't want to ruin that,” Yamaguchi said, his eyes glassy.  
  
”What do you mean? You aren't going to ruin anything.”  
  
”Can you be sure about that?” Yamaguchi whispered, finally looking at Tsukishima. ”Because I used to be in good terms with my parents. I was their everything, and then suddenly I was nothing to them. _Nothing_. I don't want you to ever feel pain like that.”  
  
”I'm certain that wouldn't happen with my parents.”  
  
”But how can you know?!” Yamaguchi asked, his voice loud enough to make Tsukishima jump. He stood up and turned to look at the blond still sitting on the couch, a pained expression on his face. Tsukishima could see he was blinking away tears, and the sight of them filled his lungs with ice and thorns.  
  
”I don't, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't go for it,” he said, trying to keep his voice calm and soothing. Yamaguchi pressed his palms over his eyes, trying to force the tears back.  
  
”I don't think you understand,” Yamaguchi whispered as he slowly lowered his hands to his sides. ”What if it doesn't go well? What if your parents are disgusted, or they get angry? What if they say they don't want to see you before you've gotten back to 'normal'? What if... what if they hit you?” Yamaguchi was trembling like he was cold, his voice shaking under the heavy words. Tsukishima wanted to stand up and wrap his arms around the other boy, pull him against his chest and chase the anxiety and fear away.  
  
”You don't know my parents. They would never–”  
  
”I don't know them, and that's exactly why I'm so scared,” Yamaguchi interrupted him, choking on his words. Tsukishima stood up and reached for his arm, but Yamaguchi dodged his touch with a step backwards.  
  
”What do you mean?”  
  
”Because I– I feel that if you had to choose between your family and me, you wouldn't choose me.” Tsukishima felt like Yamaguchi's words violently shoved every coherent thought out of his mind and replaced them with sickening, loud ringing. He tried to breathe in and say something but nothing came out, the ice in his lungs spreading and taking over his whole body.  
  
”Not true,” Tsukishima forced out, knowing way too well he sounded like someone was choking him – he felt like someone was choking him, their fingers cold as ice around his throat. Yamaguchi looked at him and for the first time ever the blond wasn't sure how to read his expression.  
  
”You said your parents want you to get married and have kids, right? That they have _a fixation_ over that. And I know you don't want to let your parents down, who would want to? You're always so conscientious, so... perfectionist. Tell me how I fit in an equation of marriage and kids and a nice, expensive house and being the person your parents want you to have beside you?”  
  
”That's what my parents want, not what I want,” Tsukishima said, frowning. He had told Yamaguchi that much before, hasn't he? He would never lie about something like this, and Yamaguchi knew that.  
  
”I shouldn't... I never should have... Fuck, I'm– You love your parents, and your parents love you. I don't want to destroy that,” Yamaguchi said, his fingers curling around the hem of the hoodie.  
  
”You are not going to destroy anything.”  
  
”You don't know that! You don't– Fuck, Tsukki, don't you see how happy your brother and Saki are? Don't you see all those happy couples on campus and think 'I want to be as happy as they are someday'? Because we– we can never be that happy. There will _always_ be someone beating us down, beating you down, and in the worst case scenario that someone could be your parents. Aren't you scared? I– I want you to be happy in the future, too,” Yamaguchi cried, swiping the tears angrily away. ”I don't want you to get hurt because of me.”  
  
”I don't care about getting hurt,” Tsukishima said, his voice stern. He was still horrified, Yamaguchi's tears ripping his heart into small pieces and scattering them around the apartment but he knew showing that to Yamaguchi would do nothing good.  
  
”You should care! You _have to_ care! It's you and your life, for fuck's sake, you need to care–”  
  
”Do you really know what I should and shouldn't do? You're overthinking this, making it into a huge problem when in reality it's not even a tiny one. I know my parents better than you, okay? Think rationally now. I'm sure even _you_ know they're good people, they would never want to hurt me on purpose, mentally or physically and–”  
  
”Well, I'm glad your family is so fucking perfect.” The sharp, burning poison in Yamaguchi's voice made Tsukishima take a step away, the back of his legs hitting the couch.  
  
”You know I didn't mean to–”  
  
”I'm going home,” Yamaguchi spit out, the words so sharp they could have cut through Tsukishima's skin if he had stood closer. He opened his mouth and reached out to grab Yamaguchi's sleeve but he was too slow – the other boy had already turned on his heel and slammed the door shut behind him, the loud _bang_ of it echoing in the apartment around Tsukishima.  
  
He wasn't sure was his heart beating dangerously fast or had it stopped beating altogether – he couldn't feel anything. His mind was blank, just a static question mark standing in the middle of all the whiteness. He knew he had struck a nerve, hit a wound in Yamaguchi that hadn't healed, yet he had kept adding pressure on it – when Tsukishima actually thought what he had said it wasn't surprising Yamaguchi had gotten so angry.  
  
Tsukishima realized after tossing and turning in his bed for four hours that Yamaguchi hadn't taken his hoodie off before leaving.  
  
-~-  
  
Tsukishima didn't usually study in the campus' library because there were always other people – other people that breathed loudly, turned the pages of their books loudly or didn't wear sound-proof headphones so Tsukishima had to listen to their bad choices in music. Other people's selfishness annoyed him, and that's why he never studied in the campus' library.  
  
Except on that day, because he would rather listen to people's poor music taste and their loud yawns than go home. His apartment felt too small, the air there was too heavy to breathe and when he was surrounded by other people and their loud noises, Yamaguchi's sad, tired expression and angry tears couldn't take over his whole mind.  
  
Tsukishima took off his glasses and rubbed his burning eyes, the sleepless night he had had making studying even harder. He put the spectacles back on, turned a page of his book and picked up an orange highlighter when someone sat on the other side of the table he had managed to conquer all to himself. Tsukishima was about to tell the uninvited guest off, but he was beaten.  
  
”You really look as awful as Koutarou said.”  
  
”Hi, Akaashi,” Tsukishima sighed, relieved he didn't have to use his already non-existent energy to tell someone to leave him alone. Akaashi leaned his chin on his hand and blinked, his grey eyes studying Tsukishima. The blond tried to go back to studying, but the unwavering stare made it hard to focus. ”Did you come all the way here just to tell me I look horrible?”  
  
”You do look like you didn't get any sleep last night but that happens even to the best of us every now and then, doesn't it?” Akaashi asked, his gaze sharp and voice slightly amused. Tsukishima shrugged and gave up on trying to study, dropping the highlighter back on the table.  
  
”Don't you have a class or something?”  
  
”Don't you?” Tsukishima groaned, getting a light chuckle out of Akaashi.  
  
”Koutarou was just worried about you because you seemed different during lunch, which made me kind of worried because I happened to run into Yamaguchi this morning outside the campus and he didn't look that lively either,” Akaashi said, leaning back on his chair and crossing his arms. ”Did you have a fight?”  
  
”I wouldn't call it a fight, more like... a little argument,” Tsukishima confessed with a nod that was supposed to tell Akaashi he didn't want to go into details.  
  
”A little argument that made you both lose sleep and look like you went to hell and back?” Akaashi said, raising his eyebrows in question. Tsukishima bit the inside of his cheek and lowered his gaze, Akaashi's sharp eyes boring into him. He took his glasses off again and put his hands over his eyes, the pressure of his palms hard enough to make him see stars.  
  
”I... I think I fucked up,” Tsukishima whispered, aware that his words were muffled and silent, and it was nearly impossible for Akaashi to hear what he said.  
  
”I doubt,” Akaashi said, and Tsukishima raised his gaze. There was a soft, comforting look in Akaashi's eyes and the blond sighed.  
  
”No, really. I knew Yamaguchi's terrified of... of this _thing_ yet I kept pushing him and telling him his fear is irrational and stupid and I just– I fucked up, Akaashi. I think I fucked up big time,” the blond rambled, the uncomfortable choking feeling from yesterday crawling back to him. He drummed the top of the table with his fingernails, the nervous _tick tick tick_ of them echoing in the surprisingly quiet library.  
  
”Listen, Tsukishima,” Akaashi said and put his own hands over the blond's so they wouldn't get thrown out of the library for annoying other students. ”We all know Yamaguchi's been really tired lately. You probably know that better than any of us. He studies a lot and works like crazy every night in that bookshop, doesn't he? He basically sleeps through every lunch break instead of eating, and I wouldn't be surprised if he studied instead of sleeping. He's probably exhausted and tired and stressed out, and didn't mean to say or do whatever happened between you two. You've looked really worn out lately as well. When stress and exhaustion get the best of people, they say and do things they regret later. I'm sure you two just need to sit down and _talk_. Sometimes you fight but that doesn't mean you don't care about each other, right?” Akaashi said, his voice soft, a small smile on the corners of his mouth. Tsukishima nodded slowly, taking in everything Akaashi had just said.  
  
He knew Yamaguchi was tired and stressed out, he knew they both had been drowning in school projects and work lately and hadn't really had time for each other. He knew Akaashi was telling the truth, but for some reason thinking rationally over their situation had turned out to be extremely hard.  
  
”Yeah, you're right. We just... yeah. Talk.”  
  
-~-  
  
Tsukishima had stayed in the library until it got dark outside, his lecture notes in front of him and mind full of things he wanted to say to Yamaguchi. He had finally left the library when the whole building got quiet, his thoughts messed up and revising material untouched.  
  
He rode the familiar train line home and was behind the door to his apartment with no memories of the journey. He took his keys and put the right one into the lock, not turning it. He stared at the star-shaped keychain Akaashi had bought him as a birthday present a year ago and inhaled a shuddering breath, the corridor quiet around him. He slowly removed the key from the lock without opening his door and hurried to the next floor, climbing two stairs at a time.  
  
Tsukishima knew Yamaguchi didn't have work that night, so after knocking on the door he just waited. He didn't know was the other boy even home – he could be out, or at Hinata's, or maybe doing an extra shift just to get something to do. Tsukishima pressed the light switch in the corridor so the lights wouldn't turn off and bit his lip, nervousness prickling in his chest when he heard someone unlocking the door from the inside.  
  
Seeing Yamaguchi's face was a relief and a painful hit of guilt at the same time – he looked tired, dark circles under his eyes and hair on a messy half-up, the grey sweater he had on way too big for him. His freckles looked very prominent on his unusually pale skin, but on the moment his warm eyes found Tsukishima's own the blond felt like that _someone_ choking him finally unwrapped its fingers around his throat.  
  
”Tsukki–”  
  
”I love you.” That wasn't the opening line Tsukishima had decided on earlier but it was the only thought in his messy mind when he finally got to see Yamaguchi again. The other boy looked confused for a second before his expression melted into a soft, almost sad one. ”And I'm sorry about yesterday, I really am.”  
  
”Do you want to come inside?” Tsukishima nodded and stepped in, letting Yamaguchi close the door behind him. He toed off his shoes and hung up his jacket before following the other boy further in the apartment, sitting on the couch Yamaguchi was sitting cross-legged on.  
  
”I should be the one apologizing,” Yamaguchi said before Tsukishima got a chance to open his mouth. ”I've been so stressed out lately, because of my studies and work. I don't get enough sleep and I'm falling behind at school because I have work almost every night, but I can't stop working or do less shifts because I barely have enough money now to pay my rent and everything else and it's just... it stresses me out, and I kind of lost my temper last night. I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry,” Yamaguchi said, the speed of his voice getting faster after every word. He was fiddling with the long sleeves of his sweater, a habit Tsukishima had noticed him picking up every time he got nervous.  
  
”I crossed the line as well. I'm sorry,” Tsukishima said and carefully placed his hand on top of Yamaguchi's, stopping his fiddling before there would be holes on the sleeves. Yamaguchi stared at their hands for a moment before raising his gaze, relief in his eyes.  
  
”I forgive you, I forgave you the second I left yesterday,” he said quietly, turning his hand so Tsukishima could lace their fingers together.  
  
”You should've told me you have worries,” Tsukishima said, his thumb brushing against Yamaguchi's soft skin. The other boy sighed and shrugged, biting his lower lip.  
  
”I know, I just didn't want to make you worried. It'll be alright, I will probably take less classes this semester and work more, it means I'll graduate later than I'd planned but it's oka–”  
  
”Move in with me.” Yamaguchi blinked and Tsukishima blinked back: he definitely had not meant to say that out loud, at least not yet. He had been thinking about it but was it too early to suggest something like that? ”I mean, you know, until your financial situation gets better. My apartment is small but the rent's same as yours, so you would be paying half of what you're paying now. And we're practically already living either here or at my place so it wouldn't change much, would it? Of course I understand if you don't want to, or you want to think about it, or–”  
  
”I love you,” Yamaguchi interrupted the blond's panicked monologue, a smile on his lips and tears on his cheeks. He leaned in to kiss the corner of Tsukishima's mouth and wrapped his arms around the taller boy, burying his face on his shoulder. ”I was so scared I lost you, you know? Because I got angry yesterday and because I've worked so much and been tired all the time lately, but you just– Tsukki, I love you. I love you, I love you.”  
  
”Hey now, Yamaguchi, it's alright.”  
  
”You know,” Yamaguchi said and sat properly up, drying his tears on the back of his hands. ”If we're going to live together, you can start calling me by my first name.” Tsukishima stared at the boy sitting next to him, a shy smile on his lips and eyes red from crying. He was beautiful, the absolute sun in the otherwise dark, glum world, and on that moment Tsukishima knew it didn't matter where they would live – he would always be at home if only he was with Yamaguchi.  
  
”I love you too, Tadashi.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of you asked me in the comments what's Kuroo's deal relationship-wise in this universe, and unfortunately there won't be a romantic arc for him in the main story. However, I do have a couple of ideas for shorter (max. 2 chapters) stories for this universe, including some KuroKen and BokuAka. Would any of you be interested in reading those?
> 
> [tumblr](http://sleepyams.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/vilmahenriika)


	12. As I hurt and hurt (like this), I gradually want only you, you more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to post this chapter yesterday but life got in the way. I'm sorry!
> 
> A lot of you were excited to read more stories from this universe, so I created a series for them. Make sure to subscribe that or me if you don't wanna miss the upcoming stories in the future! c:
> 
> !! Warning for homophobic comments in this chapter !!
> 
> Chapter title: Sunggyu (INFINITE) - Because (translation taken from [here](https://fromelftoelf.wordpress.com/2011/07/22/lyric-infinite-sunggyu-because-romkoreng/) ) !

The scariest moment in Tsukishima's life had been giving the graduating students' speech on his high school graduation. He would have never volunteered for something like public speaking but apparently it was a school tradition that the student with the best grades gave a speech on the graduation ceremony. To this day Tsukishima had no idea what he had been talking about, he only remembered the incredible relief flowing over him when he was allowed to leave the stage after finishing the speech.  
  
But, after a long, rainy spring day of carrying Yamaguchi's belongings from the 4th floor to the 3rd and trying to fit all the boxes and furniture in Tsukishima's already tiny apartment (they managed to create tall piles of cardboard boxes and got a chance play Tetris with the furniture, ending up with small paths from the door to the bedroom and kitchen area), Tsukishima had to admit he had to do something that was way scarier than giving a speech in front of his whole high school years ago.  
  
”You know,” Yamaguchi said, sitting on Tsukishima's small couch and untangling his wet hair with his fingers, ”if you want, you can tell your parents.”  
  
”Do you really mean that?” Tsukishima asked and sat down next to the other boy, pulling a fresh T-shirt on over his head. His hair was still wet from their shower, and he could feel droplets sliding down on his neck, caught by the collar of his shirt.  
  
”I mean, it's scary. But you want them to know, right? And I respect that. And, well, we're living together now,” Yamaguchi said, a hint of disbelief in his voice. He glanced around the apartment, full of things he needed to go through and decide what he wanted to keep and what had to be thrown away.  
  
”They would find out eventually,” Tsukishima said, and Yamaguchi nodded. The blond took his phone from the table and unlocked the device, staring at the small icons on his home screen. His thumb hovered over the button saying _Contacts_ , but he didn't press anything and after a while the screen went black.  
  
”You don't have to do it now if you don't want to,” Yamaguchi assured, placing his hand on Tsukishima's arm. The blond shook his head and unlocked the screen again.  
  
”If I don't do it now I know I won't do it ever. I'm just nervous,” he admitted, and Yamaguchi squeezed his arm. Tsukishima took a deep breath, tapped his way into his contacts and pressed the small phone icon next to his mother's number. Yamaguchi's hold of his arm got tighter and Tsukishima pried his arm free, intertwining their fingers instead.  
  
”Hi, mom. Yeah, yeah, I'm good. School's busy, yeah. Um, is dad home by the way? I kind of have something important to tell to both of you... yeah, put me on speaker so he hears as well. Hi, dad, how have you been? I'm good, yeah, everything's good. Actually, um... my boyfriend moved in with me.”  
  
-~-  
  
The three hour train journey from Tokyo to Sendai had never felt so short. Tsukishima had been nervous from the moment he woke up that morning, but the feeling just grew inside him when the train got closer and closer to its destination. He tried to hide the nervousness but Yamaguchi sitting next to him either felt it radiating from him or he just _knew_ , because soon after the train left Tokyo he took the blond's hand and didn't let go until they arrived in Sendai.  
  
They had to take another train from Sendai station to Tsukishima's smaller hometown, and when the scenery outside started to look familiar and bring back memories, Tsukishima felt physically sick.  
  
”You alright? You're really pale.”  
  
”I'm always pale,” Tsukishima said, his eyes not leaving the electronic screen over the train's door telling the passengers the next station. He knew that glancing out of the window would just make him feel worse.  
  
”I'm nervous, too,” Yamaguchi hummed, answering a question Tsukishima hadn't asked. The blond knocked his knee against Yamaguchi's own, seeing from the corner of his eye how a small smile made its way on the other boy's face.  
  
Rationally thinking Tsukishima had nothing to worry about: his parents had invited them both over for the weekend to plan the upcoming wedding of Tsukishima's brother, and even though they had been speechless for almost an entire minute after Tsukishima had told them he was dating a guy (and that they had already moved in together, which maybe had been the more shocking news), in the end they had been happy for their son and excited to meet Yamaguchi.  
  
Still, Tsukishima was nervous and worried; in the end, he was a pessimist by heart.  
  
”Next stop is ours,” the blond said when the text on the electronic screen changed into the most familiar one. Yamaguchi nodded and slipped his phone back in his jacket pocket; he had been doing his job as Hinata's personal relationship therapist for the whole train journey. Tsukishima took his bag and stood up when the train started to slow down, Yamaguchi following his example.  
  
The sun was bright and the wind surprisingly warm when they stepped on the platform, and Yamaguchi brushed his knuckles against Tsukishima's when the train left and the blond's shoulders tensed.  
  
Akiteru picked them up from the station, his continuous and cheerful blabbering making Tsukishima feel a little bit less anxious – they only had to stay for two days and even if everything would go wrong with his parents, at least Akiteru and Saki were on their side. Akiteru asked about their studies, told Yamaguchi little stories of the places they passed on their 15-minute car ride, and kept thanking his brother for coming since apparently their mother was getting way too excited of planning the wedding.  
  
~  
  
”Yamaguchi?”  
  
”Yes?”  
  
”Kei told me you bake a lot, would you help us with something? See, we can't decide between these four cakes and...” Tsukishima watched as Yamaguchi sat down on the living room couch with Akiteru, Saki settling herself on his other side, the couple flipping through a huge magazine and pointing out some pages to Yamaguchi. Tsukishima couldn't help a little smile and he left the trio alone, taking the clean sheets his mother had given to him back to his old room.  
  
The room was small, its walls bare and floor cold – yet something about it made Tsukishima feel nostalgic. He put the sheets down on the tiny bed he and Yamaguchi were supposed to share for the next couple of nights (they would need to pretty much sleep on each other but actually Tsukishima didn't mind), and stretched out his arms, his body still feeling numb from all the traveling.  
  
He heard Yamaguchi's familiar giggles from the living room, accompanied with Saki's bubbly laugh. Tsukishima wasn't sure did he want to laugh or cry: he had been so anxious for the past days that he had been sure he was going throw up on the second they had arrived at his parents' house. Yamaguchi had been trembling and Tsukishima's own nerves had been so on edge he had hardly heard his parents welcoming him home and asking them how their journey went. He had returned back on planet Earth when his mother had introduced herself to Yamaguchi, a warm smile on her lips, and had started bombarding the poor boy with questions about him: his birthday, his studies, how he had met her son... Tsukishima had been so incredibly relieved he hadn't been far from fainting on the spot.  
  
The relief sitting inside his chest was still making him feel light as he passed the living room on his way to ask if his mother needed help with preparing the dinner. His mother declined his help (which, in the end, was probably the best decision for everyone's health since Tsukishima's talents didn't exactly include cooking) and told him to relax, pointing out the dark circles under his eyes with a worried frown.  
  
Tsukishima was about to join the others in the living room when he passed a room that had turned into his father's office, and stopped on his tracks. The door was ajar and Tsukishima stepped in, too mesmerized to close the door behind him. A slow smile made its way on the blond's face when he ran his fingers softly over the black and white keys, the childhood versions of him and his brother smiling to him from the photos on the top of the piano.  
  
Tsukishima hadn't played in what felt like years – he absolutely refused to play on an electric keyboard (the sound was nowhere near the real thing and it irked him to no end), and having a piano in a apartment building wouldn't exactly be appreciated by the neighbors. Tsukishima sat down at the piano and, after glancing over his shoulder to make sure no one had came to look for him, started to play.  
  
Even though he hadn't touched a piano in a long time, the keys felt familiar under his fingertips and he didn't even have to think which key to press next; the melody flowed freely and Tsukishima could close his eyes, his hands remembering even the tiniest movements the song required from them. The song used to be his favorite one to play back when he still took lessons, mostly because it sounded beautiful and melodic yet wasn't that hard to memorize.  
  
Tsukishima breathed in when the last note ended, like he tried to inhale the music, and opened his eyes slowly. Over 10 years younger himself was throwing a peace sign at him from a photograph and Tsukishima wondered why he didn't visit home more often.  
  
”And I thought you wouldn't get any more attractive, yet here we are.” Tsukishima turned around on the chair, his heart jumping in surprise. Yamaguchi was leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed and a gentle smile on his lips. He was wearing ripped jeans with a slightly oversized sweater and he looked more beautiful than the song Tsukishima had just played.  
  
”Hi,” Tsukishima smiled, feeling how a small blush spread on his face from Yamaguchi's compliment. The final rays of the setting sun exposed all the small dust particles dancing around the room and made Yamaguchi's eyes glint. ”Come here, I'll teach you something.”  
  
”I'm not exactly musically talented,” Yamaguchi laughed but walked to the blond, sitting on the other end of the chair. Tsukishima played the beginning of the song, feeling how Yamaguchi followed the movements of his fingers intensely, and looked up at the boy sitting next to him after finishing the intro.  
  
”I have absolutely no idea what you just did,” Yamaguchi confessed and gave Tsukishima a sheepish smile. The blond rolled his eyes, placed his hands on top of Yamaguchi's and hovered them over the right keys.  
  
”Start with your right thumb on there – yes, that's right – and then lift your middle finger there – no, on the black one above it, yes, that one – and with your left thumb and middle finger–”  
  
”Wait, wait, _wait_ , oh my god,” Yamaguchi laughed, an amused expression on his face as Tsukishima continued playing the song intro with his hands. He finished the part with Yamaguchi giggling beside him, definitely not learning how to play.  
  
”You did a good job,” Tsukishima nodded, making Yamaguchi snort.  
  
”Well yeah, obviously, because it was _you_ who played,” he said laughing, wrapping his arm around the blond's waist and resting his head on his shoulder. ”Play something to me.”  
  
Tsukishima glanced at the boy next to him, his warm body pressed close to the blond, eyes closed and dark eyelashes spread over his freckled cheeks. He smiled, put his fingers back on the black and white keys and started playing another melody he used to practice over and over again back in high school. In the middle of the song Yamaguchi took a content sigh and blinked his eyes open, the hand wrapped around Tsukishima tapping against his side in the slow rhythm of the song. Tsukishima finished the piece, leaving the last note echoing in the room.  
  
”Could you play in the wedding?” The duo sitting on the chair got startled by the sudden question from the door. They turned around and saw Akiteru and Saki, both leaning against the door frame, an impressed shine in Saki's eyes.  
  
”I... how long have you been there?”  
  
”Long enough,” Akiteru smirked, winking with a sly smile. ”So, what do you say?”  
  
Tsukishima shrugged. ”Sure.”  
  
-~-  
  
Yamaguchi lay on the tiny bed when Tsukishima came back to his old room after a shower, a towel wrapped around his shoulders and feet freezing against the cold floor. Yamaguchi was tapping away on his phone, a cheery pop song accompanied with rhythmic _ding_ s filling the silence. The bedside lamp was on, creating long shadows on the bare walls.  
  
”A rhythm game? Really?” Tsukishima asked with an arched eyebrow. Yamaguchi didn't raise his gaze from the screen, a high-pitched voice from the game cheering him on.  
  
”Reduces stress,” Yamaguchi explained, tapped the screen one more time and looked up at Tsukishima when a girl's enthusiastic voice said something about clearing a live show. ”Plus the outfits are cute.”  
  
”Sure, sure,” Tsukishima droned, telling himself not to be fooled by Yamaguchi's T-shirts with punk bands' logos on them ever again. He slipped a pair of socks on and rummaged through his bag for a shirt to sleep in. Yamaguchi's phone played an upbeat tune on loop and when the blond finally found the shirt he had been looking for he turned around, catching the other boy staring at him from the bed.  
  
”What?” Tsukishima asked and put the shirt on, combing his hair with his fingers. Yamaguchi shook his head and gestured the blond to come closer. Tsukishima did as he was wordlessly told and walked next to the bed, raising an eyebrow at Yamaguchi whose smile just got wider the closer he came. The hand that had waved Tsukishima over was now pointing at Yamaguchi's mouth, and Tsukishima rolled his eyes before bending down and kissing the boy on the bed.  
  
”You look nice,” Yamaguchi belatedly answered the question and picked his phone up from the mattress, tapping the screen with another loud _ding_.  
  
”Yeah, yeah,” Tsukishima took the compliment and turned quickly around so the other boy wouldn't see the faint blush on his face. He picked up the towel he had used to dry his hair and stepped out of the room to take it back to the bathroom, a muffled pop song from Yamaguchi's game following him to the corridor.  
  
Tsukishima hung the towel in the bathroom and was about to go back to his room to get ready for the night when he heard heated whispering coming from the kitchen. He recognized his parents' voices and went closer silently, making sure no one in the kitchen could hear or see him.  
  
”...but Ai, you have to understand–”  
  
”Don't try that on me, Masaki. Kei is your _son_. Besides, did you see how well Akiteru got along with him? And Saki as well? I would understand if Yamaguchi was a bad person but–”  
  
”What will everyone say? Your parents, my parents? Our siblings? There's absolutely no way I'm allowing that.”  
  
”Maybe that's not something you can decide, it's not your wedding. Can't you see that Kei's happy? For the first time in years he's genuinely smiling! Do you care more about your parents' thoughts than your son's happiness?”  
  
”In this case, yes. I'm not going to make a fool out of myself in front of our families, Ai. It's an important day to Akiteru and Saki, and there's no way I'm allowing anything to ruin it.”  
  
Tsukishima felt like the air he was breathing was heavy and tangible, wrapping around his lungs instead of circulating through them. He was clenching his hands into fists, his knuckles turning white and pure anger boiling inside him. He knew he wasn't in the right mind to go into the kitchen and tell his parents he had heard everything – he was always calm and collected, even when he was angry, and it was already almost midnight. He and Yamaguchi had had a long day full of traveling and nerve-wracking situations, and maybe his father would change his mind after a good night's sleep...  
  
”Also, Ai, don't you think it's weird this happened so suddenly? Maybe Kei is just having problems at school, or is having this rebellion phase he was supposed to have in high school. I mean, we both know he deserves better than that boy.”  
  
Tsukishima turned on his heel and stepped into the kitchen, his parents' wide and shocked eyes turning to him.  
  
”Just so you know, if Tadashi's not welcome to the wedding, then I'm not coming either. Also, I'd really appreciate if you could talk to me instead of talking shit behind my back,” he said, somehow managing to keep his voice normal. ”And believe it or not, but I love him.”  
  
”It's your brother's wedding, of course you're coming,” his father said, crossing his arms. Tsukishima had inherited his height from his father, and even though he was couple of inches taller, his father had mastered the intimidating face and body language through the years of raising two sons. Tsukishima, however, was too angry to be afraid of his father's possible rage.  
  
”If I won't be accepted like I am, then there's no point,” Tsukishima said, not able to keep all the disappointment out of his voice.  
  
”Kei, darling, that's not the case–”  
  
”That's exactly the case! I heard what you two said, about me and about Tadashi. I'm sorry, am I not the perfect son you dreamt of? You can't decide everything for me, not anymore. I'm in control of my own life now, not you! I'm happy for Akiteru, of course I am, but I'm not him and I will never be. I want, and I will, live a life that makes _me_ happy, not you or Akiteru or the rest of our family. If you can't accept that, fine. But I'm... I'm currently happy. It's not rebellion, I don't have a need to make you sad or shocked. I just have a need to be happy,” Tsukishima said, his eyes serious even though his mind was running faster than ever. His mother covered her mouth with her hand, tears glistening in her eyes.  
  
Tsukishima felt like he had spit out all the anger with his words, and now he was left with trembling hands and exhaustion that made his head hurt. He carefully unclenched his hands, prints of crescent moons on his palms. His fingers ached and Tsukishima could almost feel his father boring holes into him with his sharp eyes.  
  
”Kei–,” his father started but Tsukishima interrupted him.  
  
”I'm going to bed. Good night,” he said, gave a little bow to his parents and almost ran back to his room. He was praying Yamaguchi had went to sleep already because he knew from experience that every conversation held in the kitchen emanated without a problem all the way to his room – and he hadn't exactly been quiet.  
  
Tsukishima opened the door silently and slipped in, closing the door behind him. The room was dark, not lit up by the bedside lamp or Yamaguchi's phone. Tsukishima blinked a couple of times, trying to get used to the darkness but failing. He had walked through the room so many times it didn't take him long to find the bed, and he sat on the edge. He took his glasses off and placed them on the bedside table, sighing and rubbing his tired eyes with his palms.  
  
Tsukishima could hear Yamaguchi's breathing and how he shifted on the bed, his hand tugging the back of the blond's shirt. Tsukishima lay down on his side and wrapped his arms around the other boy, pulling him closer. Yamaguchi buried his face in Tsukishima's chest and let out a broken sob, involuntary and heart-breaking. The blond rested his head on top of Yamaguchi's and bit the inside of his cheek, hating how his eyes burnt with tears.  
  
”You know that I love you, right?” the blond whispered against Yamaguchi's hair, his voice thick. Yamaguchi nodded, his hair tickling Tsukishima's cheek, and took a shuddering breath. It took a moment for both of them to calm down and Tsukishima didn't close his eyes until he had made sure Yamaguchi had fallen asleep.  
  
-~-  
  
When Tsukishima woke up the next morning, he was alone in the bed. He reached for his glasses and put them on, scanning the room for Yamaguchi. He only found the boring walls, a sunny morning outside the window and a pair of bags on the floor. Tsukishima let out a relieved sigh he didn't know he had been holding: Yamaguchi's belongings were still in the house so he hadn't sneaked out when the rest of them were asleep or something else as ridiculous.  
  
Tsukishima stretched his arms and almost jumped out of his skin when something on the bed vibrated accompanied with a small _ding_. Then it happened again, and again. Tsukishima frowned and tossed the covers aside, hunting down the noisy phone. He found the device, the screen going black and then lighting up again when another new message was received. The phone wasn't Tsukishima's so he picked it up and was just about to put it on the bedside table when it vibrated with a new message, Tsukishima catching the message previews on the screen.  
  
__From: Shouyou!  
__5/26  
__[7:49] how rude of them!! don't worry about it tho, i'm su...  
  
__From: Shouyou!  
__5/26  
__[7:50] also tadashi, tsukishima's a good guy and you told me you...  
  
__From: Shouyou!  
__5/26  
__[7:52] he would never break up with you after saying that to his par...  
  
__From: Shouyou!  
__5/26  
__[7:53] if he does, i'll END him!! but i doubt, he promised!!  
  
Tsukishima stared at the screen until it went black again and placed the phone on the table. He massaged his temples with his fingertips, afraid that the terrible headache from last night would come back to bother him. With a deep sigh he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the hard headboard, and after a moment he heard the door opening and then closing again.  
  
”You're up,” Yamaguchi whispered and Tsukishima opened his eyes slowly, looking how the other boy climbed over him to get back in the bed. He slipped under the covers, threw an arm around Tsukishima's waist and kissed his cheek.  
  
”Good morning,” the blond mumbled, shifting to get closer to Yamaguchi.  
  
”Have you seen my phone?” he asked, resting his head on Tsukishima's shoulder. The blond took the phone from the bedside table and handed it to its rightful owner, closing his eyes again when Yamaguchi unlocked the device and started scanning the screen.  
  
”I'm sorry about yesterday,” Tsukishima said after a small silence. Yamaguchi only tugged him closer and gave a haste kiss on his jaw.  
  
”You were so brave,” Yamaguchi complimented him, and Tsukishima could feel the other boy's smile against his jaw. ”I'm sorry your parents said mean things, but I'm __so proud of you.”  
  
”It was mostly my dad though. I'm pretty sure mom loves you,” the blond mused, earning a small chuckle from Yamaguchi.  
  
”She was really nice to me yesterday, it was so weird at first. I mean, I'm not used to older people being nice to me when they know I'm not straight,” Yamaguchi said, picking his phone up when it once again vibrated with a new message. ”But I like her as well.”  
  
”I'm not going to break up with you because of this,” Tsukishima breathed out, the heavy and uncomfortable feeling in his chest forcing him to assure Yamaguchi. He hated how the other boy had been afraid Tsukishima would choose his family over his boyfriend even after all the things he had said the night before. Yamaguchi put his phone down on the blanket and put his forehead against Tsukishima's temple, his long lashes tickling the blond's sensitive skin.  
  
”I believe you.”  
  
~  
  
”Kei?” Tsukishima froze on the spot when he and Yamaguchi finally stepped out of his old room, after being called to breakfast at least thrice by his mother. He felt how Yamaguchi brushed his fingertips against the back of his hand, and he relaxed his shoulders.  
  
”Good morning, dad,” the blond said with a little nod, reaching for Yamaguchi's hand behind his back.  
  
”Do you have a moment? Both of you. I... I'd like to talk.”  
  
Tsukishima and Yamaguchi followed the former's father through the house in the little office with the piano. The couple sat down on the small bench in front of the piano and watched how Tsukishima's father reached for his office chair but, after a short consideration, didn't get seated. Yamaguchi was practically shaking next to Tsukishima, squeezing the blond's hand so hard his knuckles were turning white. Tsukishima wanted to say something to calm the other boy down, but he was having hard time to get his own heart slow its rhythm.  
  
”I'm sorry,” Tsukishima's father said, looking both of the boys in the eyes. ”I'm sorry for what I said and did yesterday. Your relationship is still something I'm not used to but I promise to work on that. Kei, you're my son and your happiness is more important to me than anything else. I regret everything I said yesterday, and I couldn't stop thinking about what you told me last night. I wish both of you could forgive me.”  
  
Yamaguchi almost fainted when Tsukishima's father bowed to them in a polite manner, his eyes casted down. The blond stood up when his father finally straightened his back, pulling Yamaguchi on his feet as well.  
  
”Thank you, dad,” Tsukishima said, biting back tears. Yamaguchi was frantically wiping away his own tears, his hand still on Tsukishima's own. There was a ghost of a relieved smile on Tsukishima's father's face when he took a step closer and wrapped his arms around both of the boys.  
  
”I only wish the best to you,” he said after the quick hug, his eyes glistening as well. He nodded to his son and turned to look at Yamaguchi, giving him a soft smile. ”Both of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys....... only one chapter + epilogue to go....... I suddenly feel really empty......
> 
> Since chapter 14 is a short-ish epilogue, I might post it on Friday instead of waiting over the weekend! (If I'm ready to let go of this story lmao)
> 
> [tumblr](http://sleepyams.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/vilmahenriika)


	13. (So thanks) For becoming my light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing made me happier than reading comments saying how you guys aren't ready for this story to end either, each one of those comments felt like a hug to me! You don't even know how much every comment means to me c':
> 
> !! This chapter contains an E-rated smut scene, if those aren't your thing you can skip from ' ”Are you tired already?” ' to 'They could have stayed like that for the rest of the night if...' !!
> 
> Chapter title: BTS - Two! Three! (Still Wishing There Will Be Better Days) (Translation taken from [here](http://bts-trans.tumblr.com/post/151566253570/) !)
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading the last proper chapter!

”I can't believe my brother's getting married tomorrow.” Tsukishima stared at the white ceiling of their hotel room, the golden details in the corners matching the luxurious skirting boards and wooden, expensive furniture.  
  
”Why?” Yamaguchi asked from next to him and Tsukishima turned his focus on the other boy. Yamaguchi was laying on his stomach, his eyes studying the blond, a thin orange strip of streetlamp's light traveling across his face.  
  
”I never thought he would get _married_. I mean, he's an adult, and so am I, but... It feels like it was just yesterday when we spent entire days outside playing volleyball and getting our clothes dirty and now he's getting married. Marriage is a really serious thing, you know? It's a real _commitment_. I guess I'm just nervous for him,” Tsukishima said, surprised by his own rambling (maybe Yamaguchi's habits were starting to rub off on him after all these months).  
  
”It's exciting, don't you think? Tomorrow will be so emotional,” Yamaguchi sighed, turning on his side. ”I love weddings, they're so magical.”  
  
Tsukishima touched Yamaguchi's forehead with his own, intertwining their fingers. ”You are magical.”  
  
-~-  
  
The wedding ceremony was held outside in a beautiful garden, the multi-colored flowers and fresh air making it hard to believe they actually were still in a big city. The location wasn't far from the hotel where the wedding reception was supposed to be hold, and some of the guests had booked a room for themselves for a night or two – most of them came outside of Sendai, anyway.  
  
”I'm nervous,” Akiteru stated, frowning at his reflection. He had already put his suit on, looking sharp and handsome even though his daily work required a similar attire (this suit, however, was way too expensive to wear at work and Akiteru had said he probably wouldn't wear it again before his brother's wedding).  
  
”It'll go fine,” Tsukishima said, buttoning up the vest he had thrown over his white dress shirt. He had had a fierce battle with his hair earlier that morning and he still didn't want to look in a mirror, knowing better than well he looked ridiculous.  
  
”But what if I forget something important? Or mess up super badly? Or what if Saki looks so beautiful I freeze on the spot and can't talk? Kei, I'm not ready for the ceremony,” Akiteru said, turned around and looked horrified. Tsukishima rolled his eyes and grabbed his jacket, already scared to step out in the blasting sunshine with the black suit on.  
  
”I'm sure you won't mess up and forget something. I can also guarantee that Saki looks absolutely gorgeous,” he said, patting his brother's shoulder. ”And you can stand next to her and think 'damn, I'm marrying the most beautiful woman on the planet', and stop stressing out. Chill.”  
  
”You aren't very great at comforting people, you know?” Akiteru said, throwing his arm around his brother's shoulder and looking at their reflections. Tsukishima ran his hand through his hair and grimaced, pulling an amused laugh out of Akiteru.  
  
”Um, Akiteru, are you ready to go? Your father said he's ready to leave when you are,” Yamaguchi said from the door, the brothers turning to look at him. Akiteru nodded with a nervous smile, glanced at his reflection once more and passed Yamaguchi on his way out of the room.  
  
”Wish me luck,” he told the other two, starting to look excited.  
  
”You'll do just fine,” Tsukishima said while Yamaguchi gave a thumbs up. Akiteru waved and left, hurrying through the corridor to find his father.  
  
Yamaguchi stepped into the room after Akiteru had turned a corner and disappeared. He went to the mirror and pouted, wild locks of hair framing his face. He undid his ponytail and tried to do it again, his face in a deep concentration. Tsukishima watched as he tied his hair back just to see the same unruly curls had escaped from the tie.  
  
”Your mom is going to beat me up if I go to the ceremony looking like this,” Yamaguchi sighed. Tsukishima leaned against a table and watched the other boy: a crisp white shirt with a black tie, the hem tugged in dark slacks, his hair on a tight ponytail revealing silver earrings and the small cluster of freckles right under his left ear.  
  
Tsukishima's breath got caught in his throat and he just stared when Yamaguchi turned to look at him and said his name.  
  
”Tsukki?” Yamaguchi said again, frowning. Tsukishima walked to the other boy, getting right into his personal space, and put his hands on each side of Yamaguchi's face. He leaned in and pressed a demanding kiss against the other boy's lips, dipping his tongue in his hot mouth. Yamaguchi sighed, meeting Tsukishima's tongue briefly with his own before breaking the kiss and wrapping his arms around the blond's waist. He raised an amused eyebrow and Tsukishima just smiled.  
  
”You look good.” Yamaguchi rested his forehead against Tsukishima's and closed his eyes, biting his lip.  
  
”I'm nervous.”  
  
”Why?”  
  
”I'll meet the rest of your family, your grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and... everyone. And they don't know about us. I'm so nervous,” he said, his hold around the blond getting tighter.  
  
”You weren't this nervous when you met my parents for the first time, isn't that way more nervewracking?” Tsukishima asked, tracing Yamaguchi's cheekbone with his thumb.  
  
”I had talked with them before meeting them, remember? On the phone. I'm just so anxious, I'm afraid people will be mean to you or say something really hurtful, or maybe they will get angry. What if they yell at me? I don't want to ruin the wedding, and I don't want you to get sad or–”  
  
”Tadashi.” Yamaguchi's breathing had gotten heavy and erratic, and Tsukishima could feel his frantic heartbeat against his own chest. ”Remember back in January when I had a panic attack and you made me breathe with you?”  
  
Yamaguchi nodded and blinked hard, fighting against tears. Tsukishima intertwined their fingers and he didn't even have to say anything before he started counting inhales and exhales, matching Yamaguchi's breathing with his own. He caught the tears that managed to slip on Yamaguchi's cheeks and held him against his chest.  
  
”They are going to love you, and if they can't see how happy you make me, then they can go to hell. I don't care what they say or think, and the only thing making me sad is seeing you cry. I promise I'm not letting anyone say mean things. I'll be there with you.”  
  
~  
  
Just like Tsukishima had predicted, Saki did look absolutely gorgeous. Her dress was white and elegant, simple yet full of small details made of lace and tiny gemstones. Tsukishima knew next to nothing about dresses yet even he was mesmerized by the bride of the day. The best thing of the ceremony was Akiteru's face when he saw Saki walking down the aisle lined with flowers, tears gathered in the corners of his eyes and lovesick smile on his lips.  
  
The ceremony itself was beautiful, and Tsukishima spent most of it handing tissues to his mother who was sitting next to him. Yamaguchi was sitting on his other side and there were moments when Tsukishima considered giving him some tissues as well. When Akiteru was giving his vow and Saki didn't even try to hide her tears and happy smile Tsukishima had to admit he got a little emotional as well – not emotional enough to cry, but there was a wide smile on his face and happiness filled his chest.  
  
When they rode the car back to the hotel after the ceremony Yamaguchi was staring out of the window, his fingers tapping a nervous rhythm against his seat. Tsukishima wanted to reach for his hand, tell him comforting words, kiss him – anything to make him smile and forget his anxities. However, they were in the car with Tsukishima's parents and his mother was listing all the things that still could go wrong before the day was happily over. Tsukishima simply rolled his eyes when he was sure his mother couldn't see him, knowing Akiteru had learned his unnecessary worrying from their mother.  
  
”Ai, we paid a lot of money to people for handling the wedding. Calm down, dear, and try to enjoy. Your eldest son doesn't get married every day,” Tsukishima's father said, giving a soft smile to his wife.  
  
”I know, I know. I guess I just want everything to be perfect,” Ai confessed with a sigh.  
  
”I'm sure you can get stressed out about planning Kei's wedding in the future, so relax,” Masaki continued and looked at the boys sitting in the backseat through the rear-view mirror, finding his son's eyes. He smiled crookily and winked, making Tsukishima produce another eyeroll.  
  
~  
  
”How are your studies coming along, dear?” Tsukishima put down his half-full glass of champagne and politely greeted the people who had sat down on the otherwise empty table. The dinner with its emotional and nostalgic speeches from parents and best friends was officially over, and most of the guests were now taking over the dance floor or wandering between the tables, getting to know the members of the other family or starting conversations with old friends. After the bride and groom's waltz Saki had practically dragged Yamaguchi to have a dance with her, and Tsukishima had been secretly ogling his boyfriend and _how damn good he looked in that suit_.  
  
”Very well, thank you,” Tsukishima answered, his grandmother and a batch of younger cousins giving him wide smiles. ”How's your health? Dad told me you had to spend some time in a hospital.”  
  
”Masaki is just exaggerating, as always. It was just one night. I have had some problems with my back but don't you worry about me – you should start worrying about how to stop growing! Look at you, so skinny! Are you eating properly in Tokyo?”  
  
”I am, actually–”  
  
”Tsukki, do _not_ dance with Saki. I haven't been this exhausted in years,” Yamaguchi whined and sat down on the chair next to Tsukishima, only then realizing the blond had company.  
  
”Oh! We haven't met, haven't we? I saw you with Kei in the ceremony, isn't that right? I'm Masaki's mother,” Tsukishima grandmother said and politely gave a little bow to Yamaguchi who was quickly losing all the color on his face, bowing quickly. ”And you are?”  
  
”I, um, I'm–”  
  
”I should have introduced you right away, I apologize. Grandma, this is Tadashi, my boyfriend.” Tsukishima could feel all the eyes staring him, boring holes into him. The expression on his grandmother's face was something the blond couldn't read but he kept the small smile on his own face. A twin cousins sitting across him changed a look.  
  
”My name is Yamaguchi Tadashi. It's nice to meet you,” Yamaguchi said, his voice calm and unwavering, and bowed deeply. Tsukishima gave him an encouraging, proud smile and almost drowned in the dark copper of his eyes when their gazes met.  
  
”It's nice to meet you too, dear. Are you studying in university as well?”  
  
In the end Yamaguchi had a long conversation with Tsukishima's grandmother who happened to be enthusiastic about literary. The cousins got quickly bored of the discussion and left the table, but Tsukishima remained glued on his seat, leaning his hand on his chin and watching how Yamaguchi eventually relaxed and even laughed. Other members of Tsukishima's family came by, his aunts and uncles mostly, as well as Saki's parents and siblings. Tsukishima managed to introduce Yamaguchi as his boyfriend to all of them and even though he could feel his heart jump up in his throat every time he was about to say the crucial words, he felt euphoric after letting everyone know. Yamaguchi sat by his side, squeezed his hand under the table, and looked so happy and beautiful Tsukishima was filled with dizzying affection.  
  
Tsukishima watched how his brother maybe drank one glass of champagne too much with his friends and smiled every time his eyes caught a glimpse of his wife, he watched how Saki's father every now and then patted his eyes with a tissue, his eyes glistening the whole evening. Tsukishima watched how his family danced, glasses of champagne in their hands and laughter tugging the corners of their mouths even though it was getting late.  
  
Tsukishima watched how Yamaguchi scanned the huge room, a happy but tired smile on his lips, his freckles looking like specks of gold under the dim lighting. Tsukishima took a look of the clock on his wrist and tapped Yamaguchi's shoulder, leaning closer so he could hear his words over the music.  
  
”Have you gotten enough of my family already?”  
  
Yamaguchi chuckled, taking Tsukishima's hand and checking the time from his wristwatch. He looked surprised at how late it already was, and nodded. They got up and managed to get through the mass of people on the dance floor, finding the table the newlyweds were sitting at, chatting away with their parents. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi congratulated the couple and their parents once more and thanked them for the night.  
  
”Sleep well, dears,” Tsukishima's mother called after them when they left the reception venue. They walked through the hotel's bright lobby and stepped into an elevator to get to the floor their room was on.  
  
Yamaguchi stretched his arms and examined his reflection from the huge mirror on the elevator's back wall, tugging the locks of hair that still didn't want to obey him. ”Are you tired already?”  
  
Tsukishima wrapped his arms around Yamaguchi's waist and brought his mouth so close to the other boy's ear he could feel his lips touching skin. ”Tired of watching you looking fucking hot in that suit and not being able to touch you.” He could feel Yamaguchi shiver against him, and a quick glance at the mirror showed how a deep blush had made its way on the other boy's face.  
  
”Tsukki–”  
  
”C'mon,” Tsukishima whispered and pressed a quick kiss under Yamaguchi's ear when the elevator's doors opened behind them. Yamaguchi hooked his index finger with the blond's and let him lead him from the elevator to their room, kissing the back of his neck when Tsukishima got the key card from his wallet and unlocked the door.  
  
The room had been cleaned while they had been gone, the king sized bed made with white sheets and plump pillows. The long golden curtains were pulled to the side, the silhouette of early morning Sendai opening up on the other side of the window. The hotel around them was quiet, like every sound in the world was unable to reach the floor they were on.  
  
Tsukishima pressed the switch on the wall that turned the set of spotlights on so they weren't in a complete darkness and spun on his heel, pinning Yamaguchi against the door. The other boy sighed against his lips, long fingers combing through the blond curls. Tsukishima managed to toe off his shoes between the kisses, only to laugh against Yamaguchi's mouth when he tried the same and failed miserably.  
  
Yamaguchi took his shoes off and kicked them in the general direction of their bags, his fingers wrapping around the collars of Tsukishima's shirt and pulling him into a bruising kiss. The blond helped him to shrug off his jacket, and he dropped it on the back of a chair while leading them across the room. Tsukishima's tongue was exploring Yamaguchi's hot mouth, the other boy pulling him closer from his collars, and he managed to place his own jacket on the chair as well after folding his glasses into its pocket.  
  
Tsukishima's hands found their way into Yamaguchi's hair and he undid the ponytail Yamaguchi had fought with the whole day, slipping the tie around his own wrist (he knew Yamaguchi was a master at losing his hair ties, and he also happened to know this particular hair tie was currently Yamaguchi's only usable one). Yamaguchi let out a pleased hum when Tsukishima carted his fingers through the dark hair and placed hot kisses on his neck, teasing him with light nibbles of teeth.  
  
Tsukishima slid his hands slowly down on the back of Yamaguchi's neck and shoulders, loosing the knot of his black tie. After getting it out of the way the blond unbuttoned the two topmost buttons of Yamaguchi's shirt, tugging the fabric to expose his collarbones. They were supposed to have breakfast in the morning with the guests who had also booked a room for the night, so Tsukishima was careful not to leave marks on the other boy's neck; his collarbones, on the other hand, would be hidden under a shirt.  
  
Yamaguchi gasped when Tsukishima sucked the thin skin covering his left collarbone, the touch followed with tongue and teeth. He worked his mouth on the junction of Yamaguchi's neck and shoulders while slowly unbuttoning the rest of his shirt, fingertips traveling down on the tan skin. Yamaguchi whimpered and slid his hands into Tsukishima's hair, craving for more touches.  
  
Tsukishima removed his vest and loosened his tie while gently nudging Yamaguchi towards the bed. The back of his knees knocked against the edge of the bed and Tsukishima pushed him down on his back, climbing on top of him. Yamaguchi's open shirt had slid down on his shoulders and his chest was heaving, pupils dilated and an angry-red print of Tsukishima's teeth on his left collarbone.  
  
”God, Tadashi,” the blond said and kissed the boy underneath him, licking into his mouth and sighing in feverish haze when Yamaguchi's fingers finally found the buttons of his shirt. He took his sweet time with the blond's shirt, concentrating more on the kiss and the pale skin he slowly revealed. Tsukishima felt Yamaguchi's hands all over himself; on the back of his neck, mapping every inch of his chest, a couple of fingers teasingly slipping under the waistband of his slacks before caressing his hipbones and settling on his lower back. Even a light touch of the other boy's fingers felt like a jolt of electricity in the blond's veins, making pleasure and anticipation seep into his body.  
  
” _Kei_.” Yamaguchi's voice was breathless, one of the hands resting on the blond's back moving to trace the curve of his ass. Tsukishima sat astride Yamaguchi's stomach to shrug his shirt off, the other boy's eyes focused on his every movement. Yamaguchi's thumbs followed his protruding hipbones, sliding under his pants' waistband and back, fingertips tapping on the blond's sides.  
  
Another deep, a little bit messy kiss, and Yamaguchi was whining impatiently against Tsukishima's lips. ”I'll be back in a second,” the blond said and got back on his feet, listening how Yamaguchi's weight shifted on the bed while he walked to his bag. He found quickly the small bottle of lube he had been looking for and took it with him, placing it on one of the tables next to the bed. Yamaguchi was sitting in the middle of the huge bed, his shirt tossed on the floor and a blush on his face. He reached for Tsukishima and wrapped his fingers around the blond's wrist, pulling him onto the bed.  
  
Yamaguchi kissed him, lips soft and mouth hot. He put his hands behind Tsukishima's neck and fell backwards, pulling the blond on top of himself. Tsukishima almost lost his balance and Yamaguchi giggled against his lips, apologizing without sounding sorry at all. Tsukishima only rolled his eyes with a small smile and pressed his palm over the bulge in the front of the other boy's pants, changing his chuckles into a sharp gasp. Yamaguchi lifted his hips to get Tsukishima put more pressure on him and the blond took the cue, already pretty impatient himself: after all, he _did_ spend most of his day trying to contain the unbearable need to touch Yamaguchi.  
  
He undid the other boy's pants and, with a little help from him, managed to get them out of the way. Yamaguchi moaned when Tsukishima traced the outline of his hard-on with his tongue through the fabric of his underwear, the sound making the blond's own dick twitch in his pants.  
  
”Please,” Yamaguchi whispered, his voice strained. Tsukishima placed a hot kiss on his inner thigh and undressed him of the last piece of clothing he had on. The clothes on the bed were kicked down on the floor when Tsukishima got the lube from the table and settled himself between Yamaguchi's legs, the other boy propping himself up on his elbows.  
  
Tsukishima felt Yamaguchi's eyes on him when he poured some lube on his hand and stroked the other boy's cock all the way from the base to the tip. Yamaguchi's moan was sweet and loud, nothing but absolute music to Tsukishima's ears, and his strokes got faster after each one. Yamaguchi's trembling gasps and whimpers filled the room, and the blond watched how his hands curled around the sheets.  
  
Yamaguchi got a moment to catch his breath when Tsukishima sat back and carefully covered his fingers in lubricant, the pleasant burning low in his stomach almost making it too hard to concentrate. Yamaguchi didn't even try to have his eyes on Tsukishima anymore when the blond started planting kisses on his thighs and under his navel, occasionally scraping skin with his teeth. He rested his head on the big pillows and closed his eyes, not even embarrassed by the slightly lewd noise that escaped from his mouth when Tsukishima pushed a finger inside him.  
  
Tsukishima was way too agitated to be a tease that night; he worked his finger inside Yamaguchi to give him instant pleasure, telling him to relax in a hushed voice. Yamaguchi did as he was told and Tsukishima pulled his finger out and pushed it back again, curling it in different angles. He repeated his actions with two fingers, stretching open the boy laying on the bed and making sure the slide of his fingers was effortless.  
  
”Kei, fuck, kiss me please,” Yamaguchi begged and Tsukishima was on top of him in no time, pressing their lips together. Yamaguchi's tongue was eager, gliding against the roof of Tsukishima's mouth and his lower lip, his teeth also finding the latter and tugging gently. ”I want to touch you.”  
  
Yamaguchi's words sent Tsukishima's mind reeling and helplessly he just nodded, letting Yamaguchi switch their positions around. He was quickly stripped out of everything he still had on, a whimper leaving his lips when Yamaguchi's fingers brushed against his erection. A grin made its way on the other boy's lips and Tsukishima couldn't tear his gaze away when Yamaguchi lay down on his stomach between the blond's legs and started leaving open-mouth kisses on his pale thighs.  
  
” _'Dashi_ ,” Tsukishima hissed through gritted teeth, not sure was he trying to sound assertive or pleading. Yamaguchi licked a wide streak along Tsukishima's cock and ran his thumb over the slit, the touches making the blond's toes curl. He moaned the other boy's name again and Yamaguchi hummed, straddling Tsukishima's thighs, the bottle of lube in his hand. He squeezed a good amount on his hand and stroked the blond, making sure to coat every inch of his dick.  
  
Tsukishima's breathing was already erratic when Yamaguchi came on top of him and pressed a kiss on his jaw. ”Is this okay?”  
  
The blond nodded and watched in daze how Yamaguchi made sure with his own fingers he was still slick inside and then, carefully and excruciatingly slowly, sat down on Tsukishima's cock. The blond couldn't help a moan when the other boy didn't stop until he had taken every possible inch inside himself, panting heavily.  
  
”You alright?” Tsukishima asked, the weight of Yamaguchi on his lap and the dizzying hotness around him making it hard to think straight.  
  
”God, yes,” Yamaguchi sighed, and Tsukishima wasn't sure was he answering to his question or voicing out how he was feeling. Yamaguchi kissed Tsukishima, bringing his hands on the blond's shoulders for support, and touched his forehead with his own. Tsukishima put his own hands on the other boy's hips and helped him to move, the first thrust making both of their heads spin.  
  
”Fuck, Tadashi, Tadashi,” Tsukishima whined, his eyes squeezed shut. Yamaguchi moaned, pushing himself up with his legs before sinking back down on the blond's dick. They started messy kisses but didn't get far, ending up mouths only inches apart, sharing the hot air they were breathing. Tsukishima clung to every sound Yamaguchi made, getting drunk of the small whimpers and loud moans around him. He loved how he could feel the other boy against his chest, catching the shivers running down his spine when he lifted his body up and down over and over again, rolling his hips to get Tsukishima even deeper inside himself and gasping when the angle was just right to make him see stars.  
  
Tsukishima could feel Yamaguchi's legs trembling, from exhaustion or pleasure or maybe both, and with a lift of his hips met the other boy halfway. Yamaguchi wasn't far from screaming, his arms slipped around the blond's neck and their chests so close they could almost feel each other's heartbeats.  
  
”Yes, yes, yes!” Yamaguchi repeated the word like a mantra and clung to the blond, falling out of the rhythm they had settled into.  
  
”I've got you, baby, I've got you– ah fuck, Tadashi, you're incredible,” Tsukishima rambled and kept moving, grinding his hips to get to the peak of pleasure they both weren't far from reaching. Yamaguchi moved on his lap, both of them deaf to the piercing sound of skin against skin – Tsukishima heard nothing but his own given name moaned over and over again by the other boy, and the white-hot flames inside him were making the rest of his body numb as well.  
  
Yamaguchi came all over both of their stomachs with a broken sob, his body sticky with sweat and breathing hot against Tsukishima's neck.  
  
”Go on. You can,” he whispered to the blond who was about to help the other boy out of his lap. Yamaguchi licked the shell of Tsukishima's ear, nibbled and sucked the skin right under it and clenched his muscles around the blond, riding him through his own, almost violent orgasm. Tsukishima cursed, his vision blurry and narrow even for him, and pulled the other boy against his chest.  
  
They could have stayed like that for the rest of the night if all the dried up sweat and come weren't making them feel gross and sticky. They were nothing but trembling limbs and shaky laughs when they got out of the bed and managed to get into the bathroom, leaning against each other. They kissed under the shower, smiles pressed together, sparing only half a thought to how much their 4am shower possible disturbed the hotel's other guests.  
  
Tsukishima thanked all the possible Gods they had managed to keep the sheets mostly clean and they didn't have to rummage through the cabinets in the room for spare pillows or blankets after the shower. He knew getting up for breakfast would be hell but he doubted they were the only ones who didn't get much sleep that night.  
  
Yamaguchi slipped into the bed without bothering to put any clothes on, already half asleep. Tsukishima only turned off the lights in the room before joining his boyfriend, turning on his side so they were facing each other. Yamaguchi gave him a slow smile, the city's lights drawing patterns on his face, and intertwined their fingers.  
  
”I love you,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. ”The light of my life.”  
  
Tsukishima had to blink away tears when Yamaguchi kissed his knuckles and closed his eyes, not letting go of his hand. His heart wasn't far from bursting from all the pure affection he felt on that moment, and even though he wanted to argue how he couldn't be called the light when Yamaguchi was in the same room, getting words out had became an impossible task.  
  
And on that moment Tsukishima realized that maybe, just maybe, he didn't have to become the sun – that, in the end, even the sun was blind to its own light if it didn't have a moon reflecting it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, I cried an ocean while writing this chapter :') See you tomorrow with the epilogue!
> 
> [tumblr](http://sleepyams.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/vilmahenriika)


	14. Epilogue: Don't know if I could ever be without you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you aren't interested in my ramblings, feel free to skip these notes in the beginning!!
> 
> Chapter title: Auburn - Perfect two
> 
> When I started publishing Awkward Sun I thought 'it would be so cool to get 200 hits....' and the attention and warm response this story has gotten still totally overwhelms me. I can't believe it, all the comments and kudos and everything. I love writing, I've been doing it for years, and it has always been a way to handle my emotions and experiences - Awkward Sun is, and will always be, a really personal story to me. That was why I never thought people would find it good or even readable.
> 
> So I really want to thank all of you. All of you who have read, clicked the 'kudos' button, maybe typed out a comment or even bookmarked - thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for sacrificing your time for this little silly story and giving it love.
> 
> Thank you, and I hope you enjoy this very last chapter <3

Tsukishima picked up the user manual from the floor, listening how Hinata shrieked in the kitchen something about bad choices and Kageyama and paintbrushes, and couldn't help a victorious grin. He wasn't far from doing a little dance or crying pure tears of joy, but because those weren't exactly things Tsukishima usually did to express his feelings, he was content with the grin.  
  
He wouldn't call a washing machine beautiful per se, but the sight of it in the bathroom was definitely gorgeous. No more common laundry rooms, wasting time sitting on a bench while waiting for the laundry to get done, or wearing the same shirt three days in a row because the washing machines were fully booked and you had been too busy with assignment and projects and exams to notice you didn't have any clean clothes.  
  
”If only you had that expression when you looked at me.” Tsukishima moved his gaze from the washing machine to Yamaguchi, who was leaning against the doorframe with a teasing smirk on his face. The blond rolled his eyes and put the user manual in one of the bathroom's cabinets, memorizing the exact placement so they wouldn't turn the whole apartment inside out looking for it when they would face the first problem with the brand-new machine.  
  
”You've lost your novelty already, that's all,” Tsukishima said with a bored tone and Yamaguchi faked an insulted face, a laugh tugging at the corners of his mouth. Tsukishima wrapped his arms around the other boy's waist and pressed a kiss against his lips, smiling. ”Just joking.”  
  
Yamaguchi kissed him again quickly, twice. ”Me too,” he said and squirmed out of Tsukishima's reach, walking to the cabinets. ”Have you seen the kitchen towels? I packed them with the bathrobes.”  
  
”Top shelf.”  
  
”Ah, there. Shouyou said he'll hang the bedroom curtains but the chair he took with him is the one with uneven legs, could you check on him before something or _someone_ breaks.”  
  
Tsukishima stepped out of the bathroom and hurried to the bedroom, definitely not in the mood for an impromptu hospital trip. Hinata was balancing himself on the wobbly chair, the long curtains draped around his shoulders, trying to reach the curtain rail.  
  
”Please let me,” Tsukishima said, taking the curtains from Hinata and laying them on the still unmade bed, helping the shorter boy down.  
  
”I guess I overestimated my height again,” Hinata said, throwing a dirty look at the curtain rail. Tsukishima assured him that it was alright, stepping on the chair himself (even though he knew it was dangerous to stand on, and Yamaguchi would definitely scold him if he'd see), and asked Hinata to hold the rest of the curtains while he hung them on the rail.  
  
Tsukishima looked at the scenery on the other side of the window – the cherry trees were on full blossom, early afternoon sun shining through the pink petals. They were on 6 th floor and he could see two boys on the street passing the building, both wearing the nearby high school's uniforms, one of them laughing at something the other was saying.  
  
Tsukishima couldn't believe it had already been over two years since he had stood in Yamaguchi's tiny kitchen, getting kissed by the other boy after being coated in powdered sugar. He also couldn't believe that they had peacefully lived two years together in an apartment meant for one before even considering moving into a bigger apartment (an apartment with a bathroom big enough to fit a washing machine – a fact Tsukishima still couldn't believe was true).  
  
During those years Tsukishima had learned a lot about himself as a person, for the first time in his life he could go home and feel he had done enough during the day; that on nights when he couldn't stay up studying he shouldn't be blaming himself for being lazy, that it wasn't the end of the world if he wasn't the best in everything, and that he was loved just like he was and he didn't have to change himself.  
  
Tsukishima had also learned many things about Yamaguchi – he loved scented candles, he had gotten his first piercing in his 3rd high school year and his principal had yelled at him because of it, and even though he loved baking he actually preferred salty over sweet – and Tsukishima fell more in love with him every single day.  
  
Yes, they had arguments every now and then. Tsukishima had never gotten actually angry to Yamaguchi, but there had been days when he hadn't been able to stay calm and collected. Those days had taught a lot to him, about both of them; even if they might let their negative feelings take over quickly, both of them were also quick to forgive (at least each other). They were stressed out students, currently on their last years of university, and, considering all the stress, Tsukishima was surprised they hadn't properly fought with each other yet – not that he exactly wanted to experience that anytime soon.  
  
”Hinata?”  
  
”Hm?” the shorter boy had been staring out of the window as well when Tsukishima was adding the finishing touches to the curtains, and he helped the blond step down from the broken chair.  
  
”How long have you and Kageyama been dating?”  
  
Hinata scrunched his brows, trying to remember. ”We started dating during our second year in high school... That would be, hmm – five years now? Six? To be honest, I don't know,” Hinata said with a shrug.  
  
”Many years anyway, right? How come you haven't gotten engaged?” Tsukishima asked and crouched down next to the chair, evaluating could it still be fixed. Hinata next to him shifted and crossed his arms, shaking his head with a small smile.  
  
”We aren't like that, we have never been like that. Back in high school everything was a race for us, you know? We had competitions over the most bizarre things and, well, we still do. We're more like competitive best friends than a couple. We have always been,” the shorter boy said, coming down as well to see the blond's face. ”I don't think me and Tobio are mature enough to get engaged, not in years.”  
  
”Yeah?” The blond frowned and turned the chair upside down, examining the legs. Hinata nodded, swinging back and forth on the balls of his feet. He watched the chair as well, poking the slightly broken leg.  
  
”I don't think you have to wait six years like your brother did. He'll say yes anyway,” Hinata said before standing up, laughing when Tsukishima looked at him with an expression full of surprise and shock. There was a crooked smile on his face when he gave Tsukishima another nod and a thumbs up, turning on his heel and whining in loud voice how they should consider going out to get something to eat.  
  
-~-  
  
Tsukishima sat on a couch, a warm cup of coffee in his hand, and watched with a little smile on his lips how his one-year-old niece wobbled across the living room to Yamaguchi, giggling when he took her in his arms. She had on the frilliest dress Tsukishima had ever seen and the huge smile she wore on her face was identical to her mother's.  
  
”I can't believe Sumire turned one already,” Akiteru said as he sat next to his brother. He put his own coffee cup on the table next to the couch, which was currently filled with Sumire's birthday presents, and smiled when the girl wrapped her tiny fingers around Yamaguchi's pinky and laughed from the bottom of her heart.  
  
”Yeah, you're getting old,” Tsukishima deadpanned.  
  
”I'm not _that_ old,” Akiteru said with a roll of his eyes, glancing at his brother before moving his focus back on his daughter and Yamaguchi. ”Sumire likes him.”  
  
”Everybody likes him, no matter the age. He's good with kids,” Tsukishima said with a shrug, taking a sip of coffee. He couldn't help the little wrench of his heart when he thought how great Yamaguchi was with children and teens yet he would probably never have children of his own.  
  
”You're always welcome to come here to play with Sumire, me and Saki will definitely have busy days. And when she grows up a little she could come to Tokyo for a night or two, don't you think?” Akiteru said, as if reading his brother's thoughts. Tsukishima nodded, knowing that in the end they were too young to worry about children yet. He raised his cup on his lips but didn't take a drink, lowered it and tapped a slow rhythm against the ceramic cup.  
  
”Akiteru,” he said quietly, almost whispering even though he knew Yamaguchi was too far to hear their conversation, and Sumire's loud giggles were stealing all his attention anyway. ”I need your help with something.”  
  
”Hm? What is it?” Akiteru asked, his brows in an expectant frown. Tsukishima took a deep breath, pondering over how he should put his words.  
  
”Can you come to Tokyo someday soon? During the weekend or something would be fine too, I know you're busy with work.” Akiteru blinked and tapped his chin when he tried to remember did he have anything important coming up.  
  
”Sure, how about next week's Sunday?” Tsukishima nodded. ”But why?”  
  
Tsukishima moved his eyes from Yamaguchi and Sumire to his brother, a nervous smile on his face. ”You know a thing or two about engagement rings, right?”  
  
-~-  
  
Saying Tsukishima was exhausted was a terrible understatement. He knew that after a long week working on his final project it wasn't the smartest idea to go out with Kuroo and Bokuto, but the three of them hadn't done anything together in ages. They were all busy with graduating coming closer and closer every day, and on top of that they had work and personal lives that were really different compared to what they had been when the three of them had met.  
  
Even though Tsukishima was dead-tired and even pushing the right button in the elevator seemed an impossible task, he was happy. He wasn't drunk even though they had been in a bar, he had been too excited to talk with his friends to have more than two drinks (and his wallet thanked him for that). He leaned against the elevator's wall and closed his eyes for the short trip to the 6 th floor, already excited about the fact he didn't have an early alarm going off in the morning.  
  
Tsukishima unlocked the door and tried his best to be quiet. He took off his shoes and managed to find his way into the bathroom without putting any lights on. He brushed his teeth quickly, almost falling asleep on his feet despite the bright lights, and didn't have any energy to put on something comfortable after taking off his jeans and shirt. He slipped into the bed and let out a content sigh, the boy already under the covers throwing an arm over his waist and pressing a sleepy kiss on his jaw.  
  
”Did I wake you up?”  
  
”Hmm-m, yeah, but it's alright. Did you have fun?”  
  
Tsukishima carted his fingers through Yamaguchi's hair, getting another kiss as a prize. ”I did, yeah. They were loud as ever, though. Kuroo got the job you proof-read the application for, he said he's very thankful. Bokuto's been more like a babysitter than a boyfriend lately, the medical students have the big exams coming up and apparently Akaashi doesn't sleep. Kozume-san, Kuroo's childhood friend, is moving back to Japan next month, he apparently finished his studies in Australia already, faster than predicted. A lot has happened but they seemed happy,” Tsukishima summed up. He felt Yamaguchi's steady breaths on his skin and he smiled, closing his eyes. He didn't know how much of his story Yamaguchi had heard but he didn't mind – they would talk through the newest turns in their friends' lives over and over again in the coming days.  
  
Tsukishima felt a nervous tug in his chest and he pulled the other boy closer, mumbling against his hair. ”I'm happy as well. Are you?”  
  
-~-  
  
Tsukishima stepped into the apartment, his nerves making his fingertips twitch, and was hit by a delicious smell dancing in the apartment. He frowned for a moment until he remembered Yamaguchi had some classmates coming over the next day to finish a group project. Tsukishima took off his shoes and jacket, fumbling with the latter's pockets embarrassingly long – he tried to force his hands to stop shaking but mentally cursing at them didn't seem to help.  
  
Yamaguchi was cleaning the kitchen counter, a baking tray full of still steaming cupcakes on top of the stove. He glanced over his shoulder and smiled when Tsukishima announced his presence, leaning against the wall.  
  
”Did you get everything done?” Yamaguchi asked when he went back to cleaning.  
  
”Yeah.”  
  
”How was Akiteru?”  
  
”Fine. Sumire has apparently had some sleeping problems lately, though,” Tsukishima said, watching how Yamaguchi washed the rug in the sink and started pulling out ingredients for a frosting from the cupboards.  
  
”Really? I hope it's not because she's sick or something,” Yamaguchi said, worry taking over his voice, and Tsukishima could almost see his troubled frown even though his back was facing Tsukishima. The blond hummed and shifted his weight from one foot to another. Yamaguchi measured powdered sugar in a white bowl and took some butter out of the fridge, placing it on the counter.  
  
”Tadashi?”  
  
”Yeah?” Yamaguchi answered, looking for a knife. He found one and put it on the counter as well, checking quickly how much sugar there was in the bowl so he wouldn't put too much butter in.  
  
”I know we can't get legally married in this country yet – I want to believe the law passes someday, though – but when we can, would you marry me?”  
  
”Wh–?” Yamaguchi turned around, the blond's words suddenly more interesting than his baking. The confused frown was replaced by total surprise when his eyes settled on the small black box in Tsukishima's hand. He stared and stared and Tsukishima could feel his own heart bursting from all the sudden anxiety inside him – Yamaguchi was just standing there without saying anything, eyes wide and hair on a messy half-up.  
  
Tsukishima was just about to take his words back, somehow save himself and escape from the situation, when tears fell on Yamaguchi's cheeks. ”I– Kei, _oh my god_.”  
  
Suddenly Yamaguchi was hugging him, sobbing against his shoulder, trying to pull the blond closer even though their chests were already touching. Tsukishima wrapped his arms around the other boy and kissed the top of his head, hoping his touches were soothing enough. ”So, what do you think?”  
  
”Oh my _god_ , of course you idiot, of course I'll marry you,” Yamaguchi rambled, trying to dry his wet cheeks on the sleeve of his shirt. ”Of course.”  
  
Tsukishima smiled and Yamaguchi answered to him with his own smile, even though it was a little bit weak. With shaky fingers the blond opened the box and took the ring out, glancing quickly at the other boy. Yamaguchi followed with his still glistening eyes how Tsukishima took his hand and gently slipped the ring on.  
  
The golden, simple band looked beautiful against Yamaguchi's tanned skin and the small freckles on his finger. Tsukishima had spent ages in the shop with Akiteru, trying to choose the most perfect ones for them. He was glad Yamaguchi often wore all kinds of jewerly, and he could easily eliminate the rings which would _not_ suit him.  
  
Yamaguchi looked at the ring, the smile on his face getting softer. Tsukishima could see tears in the other boy's eyes and, if he was being honest, he was feeling surprisingly emotional himself as well. He cupped Yamaguchi's face with his hands, finally getting him raise his gaze, and kissed him. He could feel a single tear landing on his hand and he caught it, taking it with him when they parted.  
  
”Did you get one for yourself?” Tsukishima nodded and took a smaller, lot plainer box out of his other pocket. Yamaguchi took it from him, opening it with care. He picked the ring up, looking at it like it was the most important treasure in the entire world. His hands were shaking when he put the ring on Tsukishima's finger, the sight of it still something the blond couldn't believe. The weight of the metal on his finger felt a little foreign and Tsukishima curled his fingers, lacing them with Yamaguchi's.  
  
”I love you,” he whispered, touching the other boy's forehead with his own. Yamaguchi chuckled, his voice still a little bit rough from the crying, the smile worth of thousands of suns back on its place. He put his free hand on Tsukishima's cheek and placed a gently kiss on his lips, the feeling of the ring on his finger against the blond's skin sending shivers down their spines.  
  
”I love you too,” Yamaguchi mumbled against the blond's lips and closed his eyes with a content sigh. ”I'm happy.”  
  
And that was enough to Tsukishima.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some districts in Japan allow same-sex marriage but it's not legal nationwide. Let's hope it will be legal all over the world soon!
> 
> If you're feeling really nice, feel free to [reblog this story on tumblr](http://sleepyams.tumblr.com/post/156132126607/) !
> 
> <3
> 
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